Hmmm, Shower Dilemma?

Hello Ladies--

OK, I'm experiencing a shower dilemma and I need some impartial words of advice. Hence, this post... I hope it makes sense:

I live in the eastern part of Massachusetts in my husband's hometown.

My hometown is in the Western part of the state. It is 2 hours from where I currently live.

Back when my husband and I were getting married, 4 years ago, there were two bridal showers: One large one  organized by my in-laws in my husband's hometown (where I now live) and a smaller one organized by 2 of my aunts in my hometown. It worked out well, to my knowledge.

Fast forward to present day....my in-laws are throwing a baby shower on our behalf in mid-September. It will be in the town where I live...literally 1 mile from my current home. It is at the same restaurant that my bridal shower was at and I'm thrilled I have such thoughtful in-laws that they'd do such a nice thing for us.

Last week, when I was visiting my hometown, my aunt (one of the organizers of my bridal shower) said she had been in touch with my other aunt (the other organizer) and that one of them had a busy August and the other a busy fall. She asked what was up about a shower for me. I explained my in-laws are putting a shower together in the eastern part of the state, just like the one for my bridal shower 4 years ago. My aunt suggested that she be invited to the shower that my in-laws are hosting. (Huh?)  I DO NOT really feel comfortable adding people to the shower list, especially when it is on someone else's dime. Plus, if one person from my hometown were invited, wouldn't there be some sort of expectation or obligation that other relatives ought to be as well? (My mother, step-siblings, friends, etc.?)

I feel that IF someone would like to throw me a shower in my hometown, that's great. If not; there just won't be a shower. But, for me to add a bunch of (hometown) friends and relatives to the shower that my in-laws is hosting seems odd. Not to mention there would be 2 hours of travel EACH WAY. That seems to be a long way for a shower, if one were to ask me.

Although I'm not in favor of surprise showers at all, I sort of wish I didn't know about any of this...then it would be "out of sight, out of mind."

Maybe I'm just over-thinking this? What would you do if you were me? Be honest.

--Paula

Paula,
I would tell you Aunt that it isn't fair to just invite part of your family and not all.  And it's not fair to double the original guest list for your in-laws.  Also mention that you would hate to make your family drive 4 hours!  
I don't think you are over thinking it.  I actually think it was rude of your Aunt to suggest being invited to the shower.
I'm sure the restaurant has limited seating.  Maybe tell your Aunt that it won't hold both sides of the family at once.   Showers can be stressful!
Amy

I agree with amyc, 100%. 

I come from a large strange family so we do things odd - but I can't imagine not having all of my family and friends at one shower. That being said - since there were 2 separate showers for your wedding I think that would be the case now. Maybe your Mom or someone else will step up and do something - no one says it has to be big - just getting everyone together is the point afterall right?? Maybe someone can open their home and everyone can bring something along - a pot luck style? Too bad your OH buddies aren't closer and could host for you!

Hope that it all works out - and I wouldn't let it stress you, they'll work it out!

*hugs*

Liz

Can't really give much advice but I know I will be putting my foot down when it comes to a shower here. I will NOT have it on a Sunday since some of my friends can't make it. It will have to be on a Saturday. I want all my friends there, just not who the m-i-l wants.

Like I said I can't help you since I am the type to put my foot down.

I totally agree with your thinking.  I'd tell her since your in-laws are buying, you can't add anyone to the invitation list.  But thank her for being so willing to drive the two hours and maybe the two of you can get together for lunch instead. 

I kind of disagree with everyone elses thinking that your Aunt back home was rude. I think she was asking you to be a mediary, more than anything. Why don't you suggest to her that you can put her in touch with the in-laws, and they could "co host."  ::read:: Your Aunt and whomever else from back home can come to the shower, but they can chip in something too, food or games, or just cash if the case may be. Before that, explain to the inlaws the current sitch and ask if it would be alright if the Aunt back home organized all the "back home" guests and contributed their presence as well as some assistance to the party. That way if they say they want it to be more intimate or there just isnt a place for what could be such a big party...well then you can tell your Aunt back home that they are doing something more small scale.

As far as the travel, If people dont want to drive the distance, they can mail their gift instead, or they can get a group together and rent a hotel room, really...two hours isnt that unheard of, and its a lovely drive. I used to drive from Berkshire to Boston all the time. (although, the tolls are stinky.)

Thats what I would do if I were you. I have lots of family out of town, and all the family in town is that of my in-laws, so shin-digs and get-togethers are often at their hosting. I have brought family and friends and friends of family to lots of occasions, always contacting the host and asking their permission, while offering some kind of assistance. When the party has been one in my honor, I just put my sister in touch with the in-law that is hosting, and they ma**** out wonderfully. As long as everyone is considerate of each other, and keeps YOU as the focus and goal, then it should work out great!

Good luck!
-Leah

I agree 100% with LEAH. I literally JUST went through this in June with my in laws....my parents actually took 100% of the responsibility for our wedding since the inlaws didnt want anything to do with paying for anything....YET had to have all their relatives included in the festivities.... {NOW THAT IS RUDE!} after having to dish out the 20grand for wedding and the grand for rehersal dinner {which SHOULD HAVE been inlaws responsibility!!!} i told my mom that if she was NOT going to go HALFS on this shower then i didnt want one! cuz we were NOT going to have another $ spender when there are 2 sides to the family!! so the shower got split 50/50 and we only had to do ONE shower instead of 2! which worked out for us because we live 4.5 hours away from our families now.....If u maybe talk to ur aunt and see if doing a JOINT shower would be ok id talk it over with the in laws an make sure the restaurant can hold all of u....ud be surprised how many people prolly DONT show up from ur side but will send a gift. ppl dont think that 2 hrs is alot to travel....but IT IS. specially one way... maybe the aunt will realize it will be much easier and cost efficient if a small shower is held in ur hometown with just ur side :) either way it always seems as though ur not pleasing sumone.....so i wouldnt worry bout it too much!!! it will all work out in the end im sure of it.