Reflections on my loss.... / Thank God for Unanswered Prayers
Who knew it was possible to stare at a baby for hours and never get bored?
As I sit here I realized something....
About a year ago I got pregnant.... I didn't realize I was pregnant until the first week in July. By July 17th I lost the baby - at 6-8 weeks to a ruptured ectopic. They don't know how old the baby was, but since his heartbeat was visible on an ultrasound (in my tube) they figure close to 8 weeks.
The loss of the baby was the hardest mental and physical ordeal of my life.
But if I hadn't lost that baby I wouldn't have Cooper. Cooper was conceived less than 2 months after my surgery to remove the ruptured tube, etc.
Of course I am not happy that I lost the first baby, but Cooper is already such a part of my life in just 9 days I cannot imagine not having him.
It kind of reminds me of the Garth Brooks song (no, I'm not normally a country music fan!)
As the pain of my ectopic got worse and I knew something was wrong (even though I was in denial) I prayed and prayed everything would be okay with the baby....
Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers
Of course you could argue I MIGHT have another equally precious baby had my first pregnancy been viable.... but then again I wouldn't have Cooper...
Boy my horomones are in overdrive !! I'm going back to staring at my baby now.
Cindy
Surgery on 4/25/05 , Dr. Alverdy in Chicago. God Bless the DS !!!
Highest Weight = 412lbs, Surgery Weight = 359lbs, Current Weight = 155lbs (5'7" tall)http://www.picturetrail.com/gid8138761
*taking a tissue, wiping eyes, and blowing snot from my nose*
Sniff, Sniff
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I lost my son last year at 20 weeks. I went through labor/delivery........and it was horrible to experience. Seeing how tiny he was, knowing he was to be my son, naming him....etc. I was an emotional wreck. and I still am. I think about that night so many times and just cry. Although it's easier, it NEVER goes away. I will never forget giving birth to my little boy who was smaller than the palm of my hand but so beautiful. We named him Jesse and he is always in my thoughts. I couldn't imagine getting pregnant again, and I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant 2.5 months later.
But, all turned out OK, and Jantzen is amazing. I don't know why exactly things happened the way they did. And I guess it doesn't matter if I understand. Things happen the way they are supposed to.
the words to that song alway**** me hard.
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila & salt and give me a call!
I know exactly what you mean. I was very very devestated when I lost Avery at 35 wks and I couldn't imagine how my heart would ever heal. I eventually realized that if I would have had Avery then I probably would have stayed in a very bad relationship for a lot longer. I was sort of brainwashed and stayed in it for a while. I now realize that I am so much happier and so are my children (and safer) now that I have that unstable man out of my life and my kids life. I miss Avery everyday. I guess I could have not gone through the experience at all.. but I think going through all of that made me a stronger person... strong enough to say I was done with my terrible marriage and the cloud that was constantly shadowing my life.
Hugs
B
Hugs,
Jo
DS:9 yrs old / DD:5 yrs old / DS: 1 yr old
However, it does seem that God is playing catch-up on all of my unanswered prayers! I prayed for babies 3 different Christmases. Holden came Christmas of 04...and THESE two will be here Christmas of 09!!! God works in CRAZY ways sometimes! :-)
Great post!
Sandy
So to all the ladies out there who've had losses lately, know that you are not alone... And don't give up on having a little one of your own no matter what... Zander is living proof it can happen even though I seriously doubted I would ever have a baby... (((HUGS)))
Chelle RNY - 12/17/2004
150# kept off over 5 years now - Thank you Dr Kim!!!
I hold them both, hug them, kiss them and am enjoying every minute with them now that I'm not working. I've never lost a baby but did miss out on alot with my Genesis all because my boss wanted me back within a month. All for what? for nothing. To let me go and lay me off right after giving birth to our 5 month old? I regret working for him for almost 8 years.
The good thing about it is that I get to spend more time with my kiddos (and still get a paycheck) and have been home for 5 months now. I do have an an awesome offer/job waiting for me but until then, I'm enjoying being a mommy and spending my 1st summer at home in I don't know how long. My 12 year old even likes it because "I'm now around".
Letty
Mommy to Elijah born 1/21/09,
Genesis (2 yrs old) &
Joey (12 yrs old)