Joke of the day... LMAO!!!
I just got this in an email and thought I would pass it along...
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
DINING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A typical man has eight items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, deodorant, shaving cream, razor, after-shave lotion, a bar of soap, and a towel. He never replaces the empty toilet paper roll.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items, and he occasionally snitches some of her dental floss. She has given up trying to teach him how to replace the toilet paper roll.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, pull weeds, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children! A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their dental appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some small people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY FROM ALL THIS
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.
DINING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A typical man has eight items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, deodorant, shaving cream, razor, after-shave lotion, a bar of soap, and a towel. He never replaces the empty toilet paper roll.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items, and he occasionally snitches some of her dental floss. She has given up trying to teach him how to replace the toilet paper roll.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, pull weeds, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children! A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their dental appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some small people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY FROM ALL THIS
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
247/154/145/139 Highest/Current/Goal/Lowest
Most Active
Recent Topics
