meltdown

Oh sweetie.

Everyone handles this differently and each one of us who have had it happen multiple times will tell you everytime is different. It is such a hard thing to go through. There is no formula for getting better and getting back to normal. It is a grieving process. It's okay to give yourself over to the pain and just let it have you for a short time. Just don't stay in that place forever. You may want to put TTC on hold for a short period of time, but from experience the longer you wait, the harder it is to try again. Lexapro was my savior. It allowed me to achieve 'normal' after a long time of trying to do it on my own.

I have heard of people taking a vacation from the world. Perhaps a short stay somewhere secluded- just you and chris- with a lot of sad movies... or something will help you put a final chapter in this part of your life.

Personally the last time I made a box. It is still in my Hope Chest and it contains all of the cards and flowers and even the baby clothes that was purchased. It sat on my table for a few months until I was ready to put it all away. Eventually I was strong enough to put it out of sight. I did get a tattoo for him with his name and the date he died. Honestly the pain from the tattoo helped finalize the ending of it all.

Rant and cry and vent and ramble and scream if you need to. (i did) Eventually, this too shall pass... you will never forget, and you will be changed from it, but it will fade a little and the pain will be bearable.

LOVE AND LOTS OF HUGS
Victoria

Hugs to you Liz!

I didn't read the pp's, so I hope this isn't redundant. Having a meltdown is actually a good thing as it's a release; a chance to allow yourself to grieve. For me, it came in waves. Things unrelated to a uterus or pregnancy would set me off in tears. Time helps. Talking about it helps. Most hospitals offer support groups for those who have lost babies...call them to find out. For me, I planted a perennial for each of my *babies* and it was something tangible for when I needed to feel what was gone (if that makes sense).

Work was actually the one place I felt completely in control of myself. The demands of my job and the travel forced me to focus much like I'm guessing your job will do.

It may be days or weeks of going through the motions, but then one day you will realize that you just laughed a real laugh, or actually felt happy about something. And then you know that while you will never forget, you WILL heal.

I'm here for you.

Hugs,

Jo,
Wow thanks for writing this...it makes perfect sense... I can't wait to feel a emotion that is not attached to losing my child. A real laugh. Ty

Jackie

Ive been wanting to respond all day but ive been so busy!!

Liz! you need to have a meltdown or two or three!! Its our way of healing!! PLease know if you need anything let me know!! I feel for you!! Soon enough youll be feeling better and back to life. Just remember what doesnt kill us will only make us stronger!!!

You are strong!!

THanks Ladies - the meltdown has lessened some. I almost feel wierd around people other then Chris - my Mom stopped by (we are super duper close) and I dunno - I almost felt out of place. Tomorrow at work will be interesting. I am going to make myself go to work - I think that the distraction will do be some good.

Thanks for sharing all of your stories - I know it has to drag up terrible memories for you and I appreciate your willingness to share

*hugs*


Liz