meltdown

OK - So I thought that I was doing great - dealing with the loss, not in much pain - about ready to get  back to "normal"

Well this morning I woke up a mess! I am emotional. I almost lost it when a stupid co-worker called to ask me a stupid question. Chris left for work and I had meltdown. I could feel it welling up all morning and when he kissed me goodbye and walked out to his truck the tears started coming. I am crampy, crabby and worn out. I don't ever want to go back to work. I am sure that this is all just part of the depression that comes along with a loss but I am not used to being this un-hinged! I think I'll go take a xanax and maybe a bath. Anyone have any suggestions about how to get back to life as normal??? How did you go back to work and function properly? I have a fairly intensive, detail oriented job and typically love what I do - but I won't be able to focus. Maybe I am psyching myself out too about it. I did manage to get through the day at my Grandmother's without crying - even when expalianing everything to my aunt, although I did get a bit misty. I drove home last night and know I was snippy and when we got home I didn't want to let Chris out of my sight. I think that I slept curled up close next to him all night and can't remember ever doing that in the past. Now I am home a lone and I guess getting to face my deamons.

Thanks for letting me vent and ramble ladies

Liz

Honey, I'm so sorry. The "meltdown" has to happen. It's as chemical as it is emotional. You will feel like going back to work, but not right away. It may even help to get your mind off of it(not your heart).  What your going through is incredibly difficult. Be patient with yourself and your hubby. Cling to each other . It takes a while.


Hugs,
Angie

THanks Angie - I figured at least part of this had to be hormonal as things "even" back out.

Thanks again

Oh Liz, I am so sorry. Mine was a few years ago, but I was a mess, spent a lot of time sleeping just to avoid the real world. I am a huge proponent of therapy, too - if you have the right person, they can quite literally save you, with a little help from some good drugs and a little time. In the absence of therapy, a good network (very much like the support you can get here) is great. But overall, I'm not sure there's anything that anyone can say or do to make you feel better right now. Just try to treat yourself well, and remember that there are so many people who care.

I hope your day gets a little better.

Hi,

I have been following your posts on this board for some time, and firstly wish to say how sorry I am that you are going through this. It's probably the last thing you want to hear, I should know I've been in your position, but I offer my thoughts and prayers none the less.

I too had a blighted ovum in 2007. This was pre-op and I never thought I'd get pregnant as my weight caused PCOS and no periods basically. When I found out I was over the moon, you go through all those excited feelings, plan for the future, pick out baby stuff etc and then on your first scan they tell you never was any baby . This happened to me right before christams time, and I honestly felt that life would never be the same again for me. I was signed off of work for 3 weeks, and spent the most miserable christmas ever. I succeeded in getting prenant again though a few months later, this time however there was no feelings of happiness or excitement, I was sure it wouldn't be successful from the off. Even when I went for my 12 week scan and they said everything was fine I still couldn't accept it. At 20 weeks I lost the baby, and sunk into a deep depression. The Drs told me that it was due to my weight, and I immediately blamed myself and wanted my life to end ( I was 380lbs nearly at the time).This is why I persued WLS, and I honestly feel that this is my chance now to have a family.

Being at home on your own is the worst, I remebember torturing myself and replaying everything in my head. It is a major thing to have happen, and you shouldn't expect yourself to feel any different to how you do, you have suffered a loss and these things take time to get over. Allow yourself that time, don't think about work and give yourself a chance to grieve. I'm sure your bosses will be sympathetic and allow you the time to grieve and heal> I know it's hard, but things will get better, you will never EVER forget your loss, nor should you, but it is true what they say, time is a great healer.

Just focus on you now, talk to others if you feel able, I found this a big help. I stay positive know and think it WILL happen for me, I will get the family I've always wanted, and you will too. PLease feel free to pm me if you would like to talk, sometimes talking to someone you don't know helps much more, and of course I understand how you are feeling.

I wish you all the best and look after yourself
Vicky

I'm in tears reading this because it brings back A  LOT of memories.  Honey, you are going thru what you need to...what we all go thru at a time of loss.  Like Vicky above said, the same EXACT things happened to me...except her second loss. 
I HAD to take at least a week off of work.  I couldn't even THINK straight enough to make my coffee, let alone do my job.  My work was a bunch of ******** and they still understood that I needed that time.  Take some time off to grieve!! I had to eventually go on antidepressants because although they said "oh, you'll likely get pregnant again" yeah, with my PCOS and diabetes, I knew it wasn't going to happen, and it didn't.  I litterally let my m/c take over my entire life and it became an obsession to seek support online.  Wish I had a place like THIS to come to!

Take this time to take care of yourself.  You will appreciate it, I promise!

Big hug!!!!!
Sandy

It seems like you are doing far better in coping than I was at this point. I was a complete disaster, I would lock myself in the bathroom and turn on the very loud bathroom fan and just sit on the floor wailing until I could literally not breathe. I actually went to see a grief counselor, and wouldn't ya know it, she ended up being a 9 month pregnant woman... LOVELY! I actually did not really get very much out of the sessions except for a $50 bill per visit. I ended up coming upon a support group website online and I was skeptical at first but that is what really helped me to deal. There was something very healing about speaking to women who were suffering the same way that I was since none of my family/friends could truly understand. If you are interested in checking it out the website is http://dailystrength.org and there is a miscarriage/pregnancy loss group. It was really my saving grace with my first loss. Also, my husband bought me a necklace of my first angel's birthstone and I have worn it everyday since 3 months after losing her. It might seem silly but it makes me feel close to her. I hope things start to get better for you soon!

~Julie

Liz, it is hard. And there is no "real" answer. I don't want to hash up alot of memories and get into details.

But I ended up quitting my job, and getting a different one. I wouldn't let Johnny go anywhere or do anything without me. I didn't want to be alone. I felt helpless.

This isn't abnormal. You just have to make sure that you let yourself feel what you need to. Don't let anyone tell you how to feel, or grieve, or deal with it. Let yourself cry, yell, laugh, or freak out!

There is no specific way to handle it. I wi**** was something I could give advice about a little better, but truly, you ARE working through it. Being a "mess" is part of it.

Lots of HUGS, Liz. I know this isn't easy for you and I feel your pain.

Liz,
I'm normally a pretty upbeat person who will always think things happen for a reason and all that crap I keep hearing. But I'm PISSED! I totally became unhinged and started even using the F word like mad! (honestly I'm so not like that) Why do other women get to have babies? Why did my beautiful baby have to die! There are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO many ****ty mothers out there...why pick me to lose my baby. I will NEVER ever understand it EVER! So join me in saying this crap just F*****g sucks! Scream, hit a pillow, do whatever! BECAUSE IT SUCKS!!!!!
I'm at work today and I honestly want to to **** in someones Cheerios!! Phew ok I think my blood pressure just might be down a tiny bit! I'm here for you! As we were preggo buddies! Oh can I knock out the annoying chick across from my cube?? Argh guess not!


Jackie


Oh BTW ladies I didn't use the F word in front of my other children :-)

Oh and I'm SOOOOOOOOO not saying those of you who are pregnant that I don't want you to have yours...SOOOOOOOOOOO venting here!

I have never suffered a loss Liz, but I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Shari