Bothered by it... what to do? - UPDATE
Hi Ladies,
Back around the holidays last year I posted that I found my biological mother, grandmother, and some 1/2 siblings. Most of you know that I was raised by my paternal grandparents. I haven't seen my bio mom since I was 5 or 6. I have not met any of her children except for Jessica and that was when I was 5 or 6 and Jessica was a baby.
Anyway, I found my sister Brittney. She lives in Kansas and honestly I doubt she even has had a real chance at making a good life for herself or her kids. I spoke with her a little bit and listened to her tell me stories about things that she had been through in her 25 year life. I was very moved by her. She has 2 little boys, one of which is only 4 days younger than my Sydnee. I sent her a Christmas package with presents for her and the boys. I was trying to develop a relationship with her. I could tell that she was very jaded by the whole family issue... because our mutual mother had never been there for her and she didn't have someone to count on like I did.
She had been to jail for supposedly taking part of the wrap for Forrest my 1/2 brother, her whole brother. Then she got out, she was put on house arrest and didn't have anywhere to go... but she got into a program and was given a temporary housing unit. She was only supposed to live there with her sons. She ended up giving her dad and then her brother, his girlfriend and their baby a place to live. She broke the rules and got evicted. So she got her oldest son taken by the dad and she was staying with different friends every night or in her car with her youngest and her boyfriend. She asked me for money to get her son back... but honestly I don't know if that was what it was for. What judge would give a child back to someone with no where to live? I offered her a roof over her head and a chance to get her life in order. She thanked me and said she would think about it, but she never accepted. Then she kind of just dropped off the face of the earth. She called me once with a number to reach her at, but I called it and left a message and never got a return call.
So now.... I get a call from my bio mom saying that she (bio mom) just got out of jail after being in there for 90 days for a probation violation. I swear this woman is a train wreck or a tornado or something. It's sad to think about how many lives she's touched and affected negatively. Anyway... she also informs that Brittney is in jail. I asked where her kids are. The one is still with his dad and the other is with Forrest. Forrest doesn't have a place to live and is staying with various friends with his girlfriend and baby and now Brittney's son, too. Forrest is illiterate and I don't know how regularly he works. Not to mention I am pretty sure that he is into drugs... I know Brittney was or still is or whatever. So.... after that big long drawn out story...
I can't help but be bothered by the fact that this little boy has nothing... no crib, no place to call his own, no mom to love him, and most of all not a chance in life to be normal. I am so grateful to my grandparents for taking me out of that situation, otherwise, I might have ended up the same way. I want to run to Kansas and take him home with me and show him a normal family, love him, and let him develop like he should. I think I might be a little nuts because with our finances being so thin right now it's ridiculous to think about.... only in the financial sense though. Although, I can't help but think in the back of my mind that money shouldn't be what is stopping me. I know that it would be draining in other ways too... but so rewarding as well. I can't stop thinking about it.... it has infiltrated my head all night. Maybe that's why I had a migraine l have had since last night that I can't get rid of.
Any thoughts? Suggestions? Rationalizations?
Thanks
B
Thank you all so much for your response. I truly appreciate all your advice. I am following my heart like you all suggested. =) Well, I took the first steps at least. I called my mother and she sent me the telephone #'s to reach Forrest and also discussed my thoughts with her about the whole situation. She finally got a hold of Forrest's girlfriend and they are supposed to be calling her back with the name of the jail and address. I also found out what she was in jail for... basically she had a failure to appear so they issued a bench warrant for her. She can't get out until she sees the judge. Her boyfriend also got locked up... I am assuming for the same thing. The original offenses were, Possession of stolen property, stealing gas, and child endangerment. The endangerment charge may be from stealing gas with the baby in the car. ... but that is only an assumption. Not to mention that they raised her initial bond from $7,000 to $25,000. I don't know why... but it does seem as if she is digging a deeper hole for herself.
I will keep you all updated as I find out more and we get more into all this. Thank you again, so very much!!!
Hugs,
B
Back around the holidays last year I posted that I found my biological mother, grandmother, and some 1/2 siblings. Most of you know that I was raised by my paternal grandparents. I haven't seen my bio mom since I was 5 or 6. I have not met any of her children except for Jessica and that was when I was 5 or 6 and Jessica was a baby.
Anyway, I found my sister Brittney. She lives in Kansas and honestly I doubt she even has had a real chance at making a good life for herself or her kids. I spoke with her a little bit and listened to her tell me stories about things that she had been through in her 25 year life. I was very moved by her. She has 2 little boys, one of which is only 4 days younger than my Sydnee. I sent her a Christmas package with presents for her and the boys. I was trying to develop a relationship with her. I could tell that she was very jaded by the whole family issue... because our mutual mother had never been there for her and she didn't have someone to count on like I did.
She had been to jail for supposedly taking part of the wrap for Forrest my 1/2 brother, her whole brother. Then she got out, she was put on house arrest and didn't have anywhere to go... but she got into a program and was given a temporary housing unit. She was only supposed to live there with her sons. She ended up giving her dad and then her brother, his girlfriend and their baby a place to live. She broke the rules and got evicted. So she got her oldest son taken by the dad and she was staying with different friends every night or in her car with her youngest and her boyfriend. She asked me for money to get her son back... but honestly I don't know if that was what it was for. What judge would give a child back to someone with no where to live? I offered her a roof over her head and a chance to get her life in order. She thanked me and said she would think about it, but she never accepted. Then she kind of just dropped off the face of the earth. She called me once with a number to reach her at, but I called it and left a message and never got a return call.
So now.... I get a call from my bio mom saying that she (bio mom) just got out of jail after being in there for 90 days for a probation violation. I swear this woman is a train wreck or a tornado or something. It's sad to think about how many lives she's touched and affected negatively. Anyway... she also informs that Brittney is in jail. I asked where her kids are. The one is still with his dad and the other is with Forrest. Forrest doesn't have a place to live and is staying with various friends with his girlfriend and baby and now Brittney's son, too. Forrest is illiterate and I don't know how regularly he works. Not to mention I am pretty sure that he is into drugs... I know Brittney was or still is or whatever. So.... after that big long drawn out story...
I can't help but be bothered by the fact that this little boy has nothing... no crib, no place to call his own, no mom to love him, and most of all not a chance in life to be normal. I am so grateful to my grandparents for taking me out of that situation, otherwise, I might have ended up the same way. I want to run to Kansas and take him home with me and show him a normal family, love him, and let him develop like he should. I think I might be a little nuts because with our finances being so thin right now it's ridiculous to think about.... only in the financial sense though. Although, I can't help but think in the back of my mind that money shouldn't be what is stopping me. I know that it would be draining in other ways too... but so rewarding as well. I can't stop thinking about it.... it has infiltrated my head all night. Maybe that's why I had a migraine l have had since last night that I can't get rid of.
Any thoughts? Suggestions? Rationalizations?
Thanks
B
Thank you all so much for your response. I truly appreciate all your advice. I am following my heart like you all suggested. =) Well, I took the first steps at least. I called my mother and she sent me the telephone #'s to reach Forrest and also discussed my thoughts with her about the whole situation. She finally got a hold of Forrest's girlfriend and they are supposed to be calling her back with the name of the jail and address. I also found out what she was in jail for... basically she had a failure to appear so they issued a bench warrant for her. She can't get out until she sees the judge. Her boyfriend also got locked up... I am assuming for the same thing. The original offenses were, Possession of stolen property, stealing gas, and child endangerment. The endangerment charge may be from stealing gas with the baby in the car. ... but that is only an assumption. Not to mention that they raised her initial bond from $7,000 to $25,000. I don't know why... but it does seem as if she is digging a deeper hole for herself.
I will keep you all updated as I find out more and we get more into all this. Thank you again, so very much!!!
Hugs,
B
My parents fostered my cousin because of family reasons... they did it because they couldn't deny their hearts!
My husbands family has fostered over 60+ kids. Now my husband and I are looking into it. Its something that is in our hearts and no matter what we will be adopting a child.
Do whats in your heart!
My husbands family has fostered over 60+ kids. Now my husband and I are looking into it. Its something that is in our hearts and no matter what we will be adopting a child.
Do whats in your heart!
Sara
Mom to Haleigh born 04/14/10 and Dylan 05/15/12
Mom to Haleigh born 04/14/10 and Dylan 05/15/12
If you think a court would grant you custody of this child and you want to do it, do it. That's the only route I suggest you go.
If you feel that this child(ren) is(are) in danger, then you really are obligated to do something about it. That doesn't mean that you need to shoulder the burden of raising these kids.
If you feel that this child(ren) is(are) in danger, then you really are obligated to do something about it. That doesn't mean that you need to shoulder the burden of raising these kids.
Fostering children (whether blood related or not) is a completely selfless act. My mother was fostered as a child, removed from the foster home and given back to her mother (which should have never happened) and ended up having a very hard life after that. She lost touch with her foster family for many many years but about 5 years ago reconnected with them. We now have an amazing relationship with them. Although my mother often wonders how her life would've turned out different if she was never taken from them.
If you can provide this child with stability (which is all he really needs) and you and your family want to do this - then do it. Every child needs a chance. Like you said - you were thankful for your grandparents for giving you that chance and if you can give it to another child - I think it's absolutely wonderful.
If you can provide this child with stability (which is all he really needs) and you and your family want to do this - then do it. Every child needs a chance. Like you said - you were thankful for your grandparents for giving you that chance and if you can give it to another child - I think it's absolutely wonderful.
Anyone one who knows me even remotely would know what my answer is ... children are a gift from the Lord not matter how they make it into your life; birth, foster, adoption, stork, fairy, whatever ... they are a gift.
I have *never* regretted raising my brother and sister nor have any regrets over our foster kids or adopted children. And not every situation was perfect or ideal.
I have a crazy side of the family too - imagine that. I have two neices I would raise in a heartbeat if their current situation could be deemed unfit by the court.
I have *never* regretted raising my brother and sister nor have any regrets over our foster kids or adopted children. And not every situation was perfect or ideal.
I have a crazy side of the family too - imagine that. I have two neices I would raise in a heartbeat if their current situation could be deemed unfit by the court.
God Bless! Jen
Mark 9:37a "Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me."
Hey B...
You probably know what i'm going to say...but I think, if DH is on board, you should do it. You are very attached to this child's plight and you can help him in the most important ways...money isn't the most important thing here (it is important because you need to be able to feed/clothe him and your family) but by far, the most important thing for him is a stable home with love, respect and an environment that nurtures and develops self worth. If you can give that to him, the rest will work itself out. You owe it to yourself to follow your heart.
I say, go for it...you're an amazing person to even think of taking this on with a full house and that little boy is lucky to have you for an aunt.
:)
You probably know what i'm going to say...but I think, if DH is on board, you should do it. You are very attached to this child's plight and you can help him in the most important ways...money isn't the most important thing here (it is important because you need to be able to feed/clothe him and your family) but by far, the most important thing for him is a stable home with love, respect and an environment that nurtures and develops self worth. If you can give that to him, the rest will work itself out. You owe it to yourself to follow your heart.
I say, go for it...you're an amazing person to even think of taking this on with a full house and that little boy is lucky to have you for an aunt.
:)
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