Just need to vent

Hey ladies,
How are all you doing tonight? I love this forum bty and only come to this one now. You all are an insparation to me. Thats why I felt like I could come here and just vent. I think that you gals are the only ones that really understand how I am feeling.  here goes.....
 
My hubby and I have have been TTC since 12/07 with no luck. And it is getting to me and tearing us apart. (in my eyes....he doesn't see it) anyways fast forward to tonight: I finally made a doctors appointment about this and we were talking about it and I freaked out and started to cry. This is a huge blow to me, I am 26 years old and thought I would have a housefull of little ones by now. I am seeing my age go up and my life going nowhere. As I am lying in bed crying sad over admiting defet he tells me "this what scares me, you have turned this into an obsession" An obsession?!?!?! Damn right I have! this is my right as a woman. This is what I was born to do. I don't know what to do. Have I become to obsessed? He just seems to get mad every month I get upset. But what really gets to me is why doesn't he. I mean he says he wants this to but he is only giving like 40% Am I the only one who feels this way? have I gone to far?I feel like I have no one to talk to. My mom had 4 oops and I have no real friends. sigh. Thanks for reading this sorry its so long.
janessa 

I would take a serious break. For yourself and your marriage. TTC is one of the hardest things to go through, its straining and emotional. Also there are many tools out there for you to use.

Have been temping?? This will ensure that you arent missing your ovulation... how long are your cycles?

Men don't always understand it...to you this is a natural thing to them...they see us hurt and mad, and crying and they don't know what to do to make it better.

Sara

Hi there. I can't speak from experience. So if you choose to disregard my post, please feel free to. I can only speak of how it seems from your post.

It semms you have made this an obsession. and although persistence and determination are good qualities, once it crosses into obsession, it begins to wreak havoc on a person. It sounds like you need to take a deep breath and step back a little.

Don't necessarily think your husband doesn't care as much as you. He probably just isn't expressing it in the same ways you are. You can't let this tear you apart. You are trying to build your family, not break it. You and your husband are the foundation, if that is cracked, it doesn't matter what you build on top of it, it will never be stable.

My heart goes out to you. It's obvious how badly you want to start a family. but please remember, you ARE STILL VERY YOUNG. You guys have time. And although you may get disappointed each month, you and your husband need to be there for each other. Not drifting apart.

I wish you the best of luck. And I hope that you and hubby work through the stresses of TTC.

Lots of Hugs.....

Jo

I struggled with infertility and multiple miscarriages, was blessed with a baby then had secondary infertility and miscarriage before having 2 more children. It sucks and I understand.

BUT Sara and Jo are right on with their responses, IMHO. If you let it consume you, it can turn you bitter and ruin relationships in the process. A few months away from it helped me gain perspective and appreciation of what I had vs the months of focusing only on what I didn't have.

Feel free to PM if you need to chat.

Hugs,

Honey, I know this is frustrating, but you are not an old woman yet! I'm 35 and just having my first!
I DO think it is a good idea to see a doctor, since you've been trying for 18 months with no luck, but you also need to relax a bit and stop being so hard on yourself. You might also want to get a little counseling, even couples counseling if your husband is willing to go, this isn't an easy time and learning how to cope with the feelings you're having could be really good.

Thanks for the post ladies. I was really upset last night. I think you guys are right I have taken this to far. I just need to relax. One day at a time right? or in this case one month at a time. LOL. well, I am off to spend some time with hubby. take care ladies.
janessa

You are young enough that I'd say follow everyone elses' advice...and NOT TTC for a few months just to get your relationship back on firm ground.  I also think that after 18 months, you should go see an RE just to check and make sure everything's in working order...but maybe wait and do that after your break.

Good luck...and I hope when you do go tot he specialist, he either finds out the problem and gives you a solution...or better yet...tells you there is no problem.

Oh yeah...and after this much time TTC...I'd also say start temping now, so that when you go see the dr...you have something to show him.

I am going to see our doctor on the 24th and hopefully she can give me a raferal. I am charting my cycle but as for temping I have tried but just don't remember LOL.
thanks for all the advice. I think I was just really tired and just fed up. but its god to know that there are people out there who understand. Thanks again
Janessa

The only way I've found to help me remember to temp...I put the thermometer on top of my alarm, so it's in the way when I go to turn off the alarm.  It's worked pretty well for me...I've only forgot one time, and that was because my son woke me up an hour or so before I had to get up to tell me he was sick and puked all over the place.