love and problems.... all in one...

I am loving how supportive and happy and nice and sweet everyone is here, but i have to admit I am really struggling with jealousy since I had the Miscarriage last week.

My husband got his masters degree this weekend and we had a nice party for him with family and friends.  The absolute worst thing happened.
my DH grandmother has dimentia and bi polar disorder, she has for years been (in her mind obviously she's 82) about 7 months pregnant.  (shes contantly going to be due in about 2 or 3 months.
Yesterday she went on for about 10 min about how if she doesnt see a doctor the baby is going to die... and she started bawling for like 4or 5 min, and I dunno what happened but it triggered something in me and I lost it!  Like LOST IT, unfortunetly also infront of about 12 people family and friends of my husbands and mine.  Full bawling uncontrolable shaking, I ran out of the house and continued to lose it on the porch.

I just want to know at this point is this ever going to get any better.... I know you guys are so understanding and have been thru everything, but I am just having a rough time right now, every time someone says "I'm pregnant" that green eyed monster comes out, and how could I freak over a crazy 82 year old lady that doesnt know any better.  Am I a horrible person or what?!  

Wednesday I have to get my blood drawn again (doctor wants to make sure my hCG is down to Zip, and I have an appointment Thursday.  I want to start trying again very soon.

I am so sorry hon, that you are going through this.  Its never easy.  A club that you don't want to belong to, but it has more members than you can imagine.  You've got to let yourself grieve and heal, but chances are, the pain will be with you for a while.  Like all pain and grief, it will lessen with time, but you've got to work through it.    You're not a horrible person, and I'm sure her dimentia has stressed you out in other ways, this time it was just such bad timing.  Hopefully your hcg will go down quickly and you can start ttcing as quickly as you are ready.  Good luck!
-Donna

I am so sorry your dealing with this.I think the jealously is normaI.
I  felt that way after my miscarriage..it was so painful not just physically but emotionally.

sending big hugs!
Tricia

I am so sorry that you had to go through that with your Dh's grandmother. My MIL has Lewy Body dementia and sometimes it is hard to deal with what she says. It hurts my heart to think of the emotional pain your Grandmother in law is going through thinking she is pregnant.

I hope you get good news from the doctor on Thursday.

I think thats part of the problem between the dimentia and the bipolar she has been blisfully not pregnantly pregnant for years now....
It is the rest of the family that is in pain...  She thinks shes having the next spirit baby.

I sorta understand even tho I haven't had a miscarriage. I have wanted a baby for years. Each time one of the hubby's cousin got pg I would just get in a deep funk. It was bad when I found out his one cousin was having number two. Then it was worse when I found out his one cousin was having an oops and the newlywed cousin was pg. Hubby and I have been married the second longest of the cousins and we are the last to have a baby.

It takes time. It has only been a week, and a rough one at that! I have to admit after my last pregnancy ended in miscarriage I was jealous of others up until the day I got pregnant again. So about 7 months of the green eyed monster. While it got better as time went by, it would still sting to see others get pregnant. What is worse is my bestfriend was pregnant and seeing my Doctor. That was really, really hard.

Hang in there - it gets better, I promise, just takes time to heal.

(((HUG))) Dawn

I think I would've lost it too. It has been a little over a month since our last miscarriage and it get better piece by piece. I went into the nursery to get something yesterday and ended up sitting in there, crying for 20 minutes holding a baby sock. Don't beat yourself up. I hope everything goes well at the doctor and you can start trying again soon.

Big Hugs,
Angie

You are NOT a horrible person.  You are human.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.  Hugs.

Laurie