Words that anyone struggling to conceive hates to hear

Everything Happens For a Reason.  This one, is by far the worst. But it has got me really thinking today for some reason.  My sister-in-law just had her second Tubal Pregnancy yesterday and was rushed into the ER. The first tubal pregnancy (she didnt know she was even pregnant) which was not even 6months ago she lost one of her tubes. Yesterday on her second tubal she didn't know she was pregnant- she had to go in for surgery and by the grace of God they were able to save her one tube that is left.  I was SO relieved to hear that. That would be awful to lose both tubes and never be able to have another child again.  Her and my brother have a beautiful 3year old son. He was an oops conceived before they got married when they were about 21-22.  This whole everything happens for a reason got me thinking of thier situation.  I couldn't figure out why this was happening to her. Her and my brother are good people, and they take care of thier son. Then I was thinking, I wonder if they aren't meant to have any more children and that is why God blessed them with thier son when they were young, etc.  THEN I got thinking about my situation. I have 3 things that I know of that are or could be against me in the conceiving process, which 2 of the 3 are my own fault. 
I know I have only done 3 rounds of clomid but I still have the mind set it's never going to happen. I have too many things against me. This is when I was thinking, you know if things happen for a reason and that is why these things are happening to my sister-in-law, maybe this is happening to me for a reason.  Which is not helping me feel better or anything.  It's making me kinda paranoid actually.  Like, are my husband and I going to get divorced or something and that is why it's not happening. Or stupid stuff like that.  Wow, yeah I know I really over think things...... *sigh*  Anyway- maybe some of you think the same way and can share your feelings about this topic!
Julia

I don't think you are over thinking at all. And I really don't think you are being punished. Infertility simply SUCKS!!!!!!! My husband and I really TTC for 8 months but didn't use birth control for 2 years. I honestly thought it was never going to happen for me. I do have a 9 year old son and I thought well...I guess thats what God wanted me to have. I'm not going to be one of those people that says to you just relax and it will happen...cus honestly that drove me up the wall. I will say don't give up! And I understand your feelings...and you are in my thoughts!!! (I know it doesn't help)!

Jackie

I don't think your paranoid. I think when bad things happen to us, we just assume it's for a reason., whether it be because we think we've done something wrong and we're being punished, or bad luck. I'm not sure. I've had 2 miscarriages, and I thought, what did I do wrong, what could I have done better. Would the baby's have had some kind of issues God thought I couldn't handle. Nobody knows, and unfortunetly we'll probably never know. But, don't give up.

I don't understand that either.

If it's God's plan to deny children to women *****ally want them and would take excellent care of them while granting them to women don't want them and who go on to neglect and abuse them, then God sucks.

That is why you are one of my OH heros Carolyn!!!

Your sis-in-law can easily bypass using her defected tubes by getting IVF.  I wouldn't chance getting pregnant "naturally" with that history.  her fertilized egg could be put directly in her uterus.

We can stick in  "why me" mode for too long.  Well WTH not me?  There are blind people, people without limbs, people who can't breath, people that are in constant pain - babies with cancer etc.  WTH not me?

Yes, I'd like to find a good man and have babies.  It can sometimes seem like I am the "only one" who has bad luck with men, the only one who is unwanted . . .  Please, let us all just get over ourselves.

Every single thing does happen for a reason.  Do all you can to move things in the direction that you'd like them to flow BUt by all means, live in  and enjoy the moment.  Life is never as bad as it may seem during some of our darkest hours.  We all fall into pity mode sometimes but it doesn't do a single positive thing for us  Besides people get sick and tired of  the pity party real quick.  It is sure to cause you isolation OR bad company.

All the Best to you,
Leila

I read back over my post to see if I was throwing myself a pity party, and I dont feel that I was.  But I guess everyone can take anything certain ways and that is the way you chose to take my post.

Julia, sorry I wasn't thinking that you were throwing a PP.  Just thinking that we (me too, I was thinking of me, I was intertwining us woman/people in general for whom things seem not to be working out for) sometimes get side tracked feeling like we are the only ones.  The world is such a big picture.  Life is so much bigger than us - the whens and whys we don't know.  We must trust that things will work out in our favor no matter how they turn out.

Remember how many people were supposed to be at the Twin Towers and were delayed or canceled or whatever?  Then there were people there who would have never been there - as horrible as it seems, you go when it is your time.  Unexplainable things happen in our lives and we'll never have the whys right now.  We just have to love and enjoy what we have and when it changes, we change to accommodate.

(((HUGS)))
Leila

 

Leila-  I get what you are saying now.  It makes sense! Thank you for your post!!!!

I am not sure she meant you were throwing one at the moment. I think her point is that we can often let ourselves get in that mode over time when we feel like "why me?"

I can't speak for her but that is what I got from her post. And I tend to agree. Although it's always easier said than done.

I can give much better advice than I will ever take for myself. And I can be one of "those" ...everything happens for a reason.......talkers. We all have struggles. They aren't always the same as someone elses. And they always seem worse to us than to others. I know that first hand.

I hate that people who truly want children sometimes struggle. But there are also many other things that don't seem right and are so unfair. In all our lives in some form or another.

Hell I am not sure what I am getting at now..........I have lost my train of thought and this will probably not even make sense after I I hit the submit button.

Sorry, hope I was somewhat coherent. (Still suffering from pregnancy brain....post-partum)