Venting.....

Hello everyone

Well I wanted to post a few days ago... but I read how some ladys on the board were and im sure still are going through a rough time right now.
I just need to vent...Im with my fiance who Im pregnant with twins by, last year we hard a very hard and challenging year.... he hurt me very bad and Im still trying to deal with trust issues.
I found out some very disturbing stuff about him ( I wish not to get into) but It was very shoking. Anyways Im 4 1/2 months pregnant, and as of a few days ago Im questioning what am I doing... Do I really want to be with him?  thinking about the fact I have a 11 and 9 yr old who I love very much...and Do I really want to do it all over again?
sometimes I think about just letting him keep the kids..... or let him go and I keep the kids...
I used to go to see a therapist but because of insurance I had to stop.
Im currently looking for help. I try to talk to him about the past but he says talking about the past is not going to make things better and that he has preoved to me time and time again Im the only one he wants to be with.
Well if you ever been extremely betrayed its not that easy to get over.
Im so confussed and I feel selfish and horrible when the thought of not wanting these kids that are growing inside me crosses my mind... and Im so sorry in advance if I offend anyone.

Meleney

SOunds like you and your fiancee had a rough go of things. Have things been better since? Has he tried to re-gain your trust? Has anything new happened?

Could you just be getting anxious about having twins (congrats by the way - exciting!) But I could easily see how it would be totally overwhelming too - especially with 2 kids already.

Maybe just maybe there are some hormones in play too? I know I tend to over react and I am only about 9 weeks.

I hope that you can work something out and be the family that you hoped to be (since you did agree to marry him, I'm guessing that you do love him)

*hugs* hope that things work out the way you want them too

Liz

Nope, nothing new has happened, he has been nothing but attentive and sweet and all that other good stuff.
Maybe Im being a litle paranoid :(.
I had given up on the hopes of having children, but after losing some weight I was able to get pregnant again and its a blessing... I just hope I can get pass this b/c I dont want to make any decisions that I might regreat later.

Thanks Liz

When all is said and done at the end of the day God has blessed you with two more wonderful  blessings that are growing inside of YOU. I know that when U see those beautiful and innocent faces all will be allright with the world. Girl, I know about some men and there issues and most times if u have some feelings that are not sitting well with u most times as women we are 95% on target. They always say go with ur first mind because that second one can do u in everytime.  God Bless and So Many Blessings Coming UR Way

Meleney,
I am not a therapist by any means, however, due to the hormones I would not be making any major decisions right now. If you can do that. I would give it some time and see what happens.

Patience is not one of my strong points and so it is difficult for me to wait when making some decisions.

Is there a place that offers counseling on a sliding scale? Here we have a couple places that do that for people that don't have insurance. One is Catholic Charities and I can't remember the other. Also, check out pregnancy clinics like, birth right or I am not sure what you have in your area. They offer counseling as well and don't charge much if anything.

Good Luck!!

I second Stephanie's suggestion that you look around for counseling elsewhere...whether it's through a church, through the county/city, whatever.  I think that if you're unhappy in your personal relationship, it could naturally lead over to being unhappy or unsure of what to do with the pregnancy.  I'd also assume that knowing you have twins coming, since you're not sure what you want w/your personal relationship, gives you twice the worry on how you would handle four children by yourself, if it came to that.

I hope you can find someone to help you come to a solution you're at peace with...and that is best for you AND your babies. 

Meleney,

I too found out something extremely upsetting about my husband.....when I was 8 months pregnant!!!  If I had known this stuff before, I probably would not have had a kid with him, so I felt very betrayed and hurt.  It was a really rough time and I barely got through it.  I did get counseling through my church and also met with my bishop.  It was really hard and for a few days I thought I was going to have to give my baby up for adoption.  After talking it over with a counselor, my bishop, one family member that I trust, and a friend, I finally came to the conclusion that I wanted to give our marriage another try.  I truly believe in the power of prayer.  I don't know what you believe, but if you do believe in prayer, have you given that a try?
There has to be a way you can get some counseling for cheap or free.  Maybe you will have to look around, call some counselors or city/county offices until you find something.  It helps so much to talk things over with a neutral person. 
Betrayal is one of the hardest things to get over.  You are NOT selfish or horrible.  You are just a human being.  Nobody's perfect. 
Hang in there and feel free to vent anytime.  You can message me if you want.
Take care of yourself and your four kids.
Love,
Jen

I would suggest counseling also. Sometimes being able to talk out your feelings with a third party can really help. You can see why you think things and how to find better ways to deal with things. My husband and I had some really hard times and I was ready to leave but we did couple therapy and things have been so much better since then. Sometimes even now when he makes me so mad I think about life without him and then I find myself knowing I am better with him when things calm down. Men can have you thinking some weird things especially when you are pregnant. For some reason pregnancy make me have even dreams about him cheating and such and I can wake up mad at him  for nothing he has actually done. I do think though he should be able to talk about what happened so maybe the unresolved feelings you have need to eventually include him. He may not want to hear it and most times none of us want to hear we hurt someone we care about but it has to be resolved. Being hurt is never easy to get past and dont feel bad for that part for sure. Its always there in your mind and I hope you guys can get some help to at least get you through this and make you feel better. Never feel bad for being honest about how you feel either!! I am glad you can come on here and be honest!! Good luck!!!

I second what everyone else has said about seeking some free counseling, but I would add to that to keep in mind that some of what you are feeling may be hormonal! I have never been one to PMS or feel hormonal or moody, but boy, the last few weeks, I have had totally unfounded paranoia, fears, worrying, crying etc...
Try to take a deep breath and take a more logical and less emotional look at what you're feeling and why. Are there certain things he is doing or not doing right now that are leading you to feel this way? For me, I had to let my husband know that, even though I know we've been super busy and worn out, that the lack of intimacy lately was making me FEEL unattractive and suspicious. I couldn't even talk to him about it in person, because if I so much as THOUGHT about what I wanted to say, I burst into tears. I had to send him an e-mail! Anyway, it worked wonders
Don't dwell too much on what he did in the past, although it is OK to acknowledge that it may have an impact, but let him know what exactly you're feeling, what he may or may not be doing that stirs up these feelings and make concrete suggestions as to what he can do differently (really, men CANNOT read our minds, they need helpful hints).

Hello!! I read your vent.
It's so normal when "we" women get so upset with the love's of our lives, we just feel so awful, & all alone, I had a fuss w/the father of my son, and boy did I have regretts of everything, that always happen's every single time we fuss & I do cuss too!! And............................ then some kind of way, most of the time has passed could be hrs, days or weeks we talk and work it out some kind way, and the cycle begins again. However when it's "happening" it's like everything is falling apart, & we all have those thoughts of regrets & doubts, which is all Normal things that happen in relationships!! As far as the pregnancy we can't take that part back, it is what it is!! but I've been at the point where I regret it all, but it's too late, Hopefully my Lil'Bundle will make it here!! Healthty & Happy no matter what ends up happening in my relationship with his father, I just know I want to love, & take care of my son, & my self in the best way possible for me to do?? At some point I realize it's no longer about just the relationship of love, between the "parents" it's about the children they should & need to come first!! Yes we want our relationships to work, but sometimes it does not? but I hope if that's what you want it does. You take care of yourself & your children & your new lil' bundles!! & the rest will fall in to place or as it may. I do wish you happiness & Peace of mind, we always need that. God Bless!! Peace-jbug