I need opinions

I don't think you are being crazy at all.  And for someone who is being run over with a truck load of hormones, you are actually thinking quite clearly, in my opinion.  You said something that I think sums up your whole issue, "My logical brain knows that there is absolutely no connection between our loss and their blessing..."  That is true and I am glad you can acknowledge that.  However, you are not just a brain, you are a woman with a heart and a soul and right now those are hurting and feeling a deep loss.  I think you could just tell your brother about the conflict between your heart and your brain.  Then tell him, "I need to be kind to my heart and soul right now so they can heal.  Once I am ready, in a couple months, I will hop the first plane to meet my new niece."  He is your brother, he loves you, and you guys have a good relationship.  He will understand.  
WHATEVER you decide will be the right thing, but this is my advice because you asked for it.  Hugs and love to you, Angie.  :)

You have every right to feel this way. I have had 2 losses and after both I was unable to even look at a pregnant woman. I purposely avoided babies and when I finally had to be around one I completely lost it. I was hysterically sobbing. It was so difficult for me to finally be able to look at another baby without feeling those pangs of jealousy and pain, but in time it did subside. Everyone understood my situation and was very accomodating to me, and I think that your family will be for you as well given the situation. I am very sorry for your loss, and good luck.

Julie

Sorry I didn't reply earlier, but I wanted to get as many thoughts all together before I did. First , to clarify, my brother and his wife already have a five year old son. She is a breast cancer survivor and had her ovaries removed...so no more biological chidren. I understand their want for another child because we kept trying from Alex to Niko. I will definetly go out and see all of them. They live in Kansas. The rest of us live here in Indy. Spoke with my brother last evening and we decided that we'd come to visit for my nephew's b-day July 17th. My Mom is going out next weekend to stay for a few weeks. I feel that this is best over all. They need time to adjust....as this sweet girl was literally dropped into their lives. The birth mother only decided on them as a couple the day before the birth. Although the days have passed that she can not change her mind, the adoption will not be finalized until two weeks from now. Soooo--we've all had our stressors. I want my brother and SIL to have my Mom all to themselves.(SIL's mom died of cancer when she was 17---so she needs a Mama right now) My brother is super understanding....he was even scared to post his news the day he found out because that was the same day we found out about our loss. He's super sweet that way. In the end, all will be well.
Thank you so much for all of your opinions. It helped tremendously to be able to get this out of my head.

Love you all,
Angie

I just read everything since I didn't get a chance to before. I think you made the right decision.

It's very hard to deal with loss when others are starting new life. My friend and I were pregnant together and while I tried to be there for her after I m/c it was terrible. Absolutely horrible. She made a comment the other month or so about how I hated someone who she had at her baby shower... and based her assumptions on my mood. Well, my preggo hormones let her have it! (probably more than I should've) needless to say, she has a complete picture of why her pregnancy and daughter sucked for me. We are still friends though. It just made her think about other people instead of herself.

You seem to have an awesome bond with your brother. He'll understand, and the baby is too young to need to.

I hope this time of grieving and healing passes quickly for you. It's so hard.

Hugs