I need opinions

okay- I mean it too. I need to know if I'm being crazy. For obvious reasons, my judgement is tied to our recent loss and my hormones are running rampent right now.  The same  day I found out that we lost our baby(about two weeks ago), my brother and his wife found out that they were receiving a baby to adopt. I am super happy for them. The news even helped me deal somewhat. She is precious and they are amazing parents and people. Over the last couple of weeks, I have gathered stuff to send out to them in Kansas.(which at times was very difficult for me) My brother and I are very close. We are less than two years apart, the youngest of twelve, and we both lost our Dad at a very early age(I was 9 weeks old) People thought we were twins when we were growing up. Well, I am very conflicted. Part of me wants so badly to go out there, meet my niece, and spend time with my brother. However, the thought of doing so has brought me to tears more than once. I don't want to hurt my brother's feelings (or his wife's), but I have a feeling that holding that baby will put me over the edge. I know this probably won't be the case in a few months, but right now...I don't think it's good for my emotional state(or Dave's). My logical brain knows that there is absolutely no connection between our loss and their bessing, but the timing was kinda strange. I am very angry at myself for being this weak. I have never been one to let my own pain get in the way of shariing in other people's joy.

So please let me know what you all feel. Do you think I should just push past it and go? Or would it be alright for us to go in a couple of months?

Hugs,
angie

Angie,

I am so sorry for your loss. I think I would probably go, after a frank discussion with your brother(that you may not be up for holding the baby).  I think that you could get some support from your brother and the visit would help the grieving process. 

Best wishes.

I have been through a loss too, so can kind of understand your feelings, of course not totally but kind of. 
I think I would go, maybe not right now but in a few weeks or so.  Later on, I think it would be kind of sad to think back and not have that memory of holding their baby and getting to know her from the start. 
But you need to do what is right for you and take care of yourself too.  So if you know it will be too hard, I am sure your brother will understand and know that you will come out when you are ready.  And really, now that I am thinking of it, a few months really wouldn't make a huge difference in the long run. 
Hugs and I am so sorry that you are having to go through this,
Chrissy

That's a tough situation, Angie. 

I suppose I would go and push through the pain.  I know it will hurt and I am sure your brother would understand. 

You have to make the decision based on you and your family.... if you think you and your brother would get more from the visit in a couple of months then wait.....  I am sure your brother would also feel the awkwardness of the situation so maybe waiting is best?    (My brother would be oblivious to any stress / pain --- but that's just the way he is!) 

I hope whatever decision you make it turns out for the best

Cindy

first, I'm sorry for your loss.

would it be so bad to think that your loss DID bring them such a wonderful blessing?  could it hurt your heart too much to think that you had a direct coorelation to them becoming parents??

maybe if you really thought that way, it might make it easier to bear your loss.

I think you should go and I bet your pain isn't as bad as you think it will be when you see your neice.  just remind your heart how she got there and how wonderful she is. for everyone.

hugs

First of all, you are NOT weak.....you are very strong...you have been through a lot and are an amazing woman!!!! Secondly, you know your feelings better than anyone else....and the greatest thing is that you have an amazing friendship with your brother that he would understand whatever decison you want to make.

Not that I could even come close to putting myself into your shoes, but things that are running through my mind are....

- Is it a big get together? Does everyone plan to be there and if you skip out will you feel left out?
- Were you asked to come to see your niece or was this your idea? Is there a special event planned around you coming?
- Does your family know about your loss and the timeliness of it?

My gut reaction for ME is if the answer to all of the above is no except the last one, I would pu**** out....maybe a month....I totally believe in self fulfulfilling prophecy for me and if I talk myself into "it is going to be miserable" then it will be....so I always have to get my mind set....now, if I can do a better job with my weight and exercise on that rule it would help out a lot :)

Anyway, my prayers and thoughts are with you as you make this tough decision....always love on Niko as much as you can and know that he is your miracle now....I believe strongly you are going to be blessed with another one too :)

Hugs,

Ann

Angie,
I think you should talk to your brother about this one.  My guess is if they finally got the placement of their daughter, they too have been through a lot in the past trying to get pregnant or become parents in some way.  If you're that close, he will be able to hear what you're saying about your mixed feelings.  Plan to come out when you're ready.  A new family needs bonding time too, so if you look at it like that, you are giving them that time (although with a family of 12 kids I'd imagine he's got a lot of company!), and when things settle down and they're in a routine you two can get together and really bond over the new baby, and not be fighting for time with each other or your feelings in the so recent past.  I don't know if any of that made any sense, but I guess I'm saying that you need to give yourself time and I'd bet your brother would be ok with that if you let him know thats what is going on.  Good luck and big hugs!
-Donna

I would hope as close as you are to your brother that he and his wife would understand if you put off going out for a month or two, until you have had time to heal from what you've just been through.  It's not just a physical healing, as many of us know, but a mental healing too.  This does happen, but it takes time.  I think I would hold off for a month or two (probably not much more than that).  You'll still get to see the baby while she's little...and you'll still have the rest of her life to bond with her.  You need to take care of YOU first, though.

ill give you a quick story...its about loss.. but not of a child...it was my grandfather/


i saw him in 2006...he was getting thin and coughing... i KNEW something was wrong... he did to... i didnt say anything ... neither did he.. 2 years went by... i kept my thoughts to my self.. he kept his cancer to himself... on christmas... he called to tell me that it would be his last x-mas .. he knew he was going to die shortly... i kept putting off going to see him for my own selfish reasons... mostly because i was scared to see the strongest man i ever knew... weak, thin, in bed... he told me that before he died ( in 2006) he wanted a great grand baby... i told him he was nuts... well.. fast forward to march 08... he was very ill... wouldnt get out of bed, started to get apnea... cough up blood... still being selfish i refused to see him.. i called him march 19th and told him he was going to be a great gramps but not to tell anyone... he died march 20th... i never did make that trip to see him... last time i saw him.. he was in his grave... i HATED my self and still do for not making that trip... i wish i could rewind and make 75 trips...

my point is.... you may never be ready... but dont do what i did...

Lex, that's a beautiful story with a wonderful lesson.  You made me cry.  I can't believe you and I found out on the same day that we were pregnant.  How weird.  I'm so glad you told him before he passed.  And I am sure he understands why you didn't come, if you don't mind me saying.