Dating after weight loss and plastic surgery

Help! When do you tell someone you are dating and thinking of getting intimate with, about your wls, and all the plastic surgery scars? What has the reaction been? 

First off congrats on your success and going to the final step of reconstructive surgery.

One sentence answer:  If the guy is mature and really in to you he will not care about the scars otherwise NEXT!!

Interesting- I was on the phone with my boy and he said it's simple. If they have issues with your scars then they have confirmed for you they are not right for you. For him that it is that simple.

For me I felt very vulnerable. It was so very hard. But I did show him my body prior to any 'relations' and he had no issues with it. It has made me so much more comfortable with my body now.

If he had rejected me I would have been devastated I think. But, I have so much more confidence now that I don't think future rejections would bother me (much).

I hope that helps.

Thanks for asking this!  I haven't been dating (despite opportunities) because I'm dreading this part of it!  I've always been very guarded as it is and have a hard time letting anyone in.  When I was SMO, at least they could SEE that and it wasn't a surprise. Now when in clothes,  you really would never know I was SMO, so my scars and extra skin (and soon to be plastics scars as well) make me feel like I'm almost being dishonest in clothes when I meet people! Like the whole bait and switch thing.  I get that if they truly love you they won't care,  but it's hard to think that far down the road when I'm just meeting someone.  

Before I had my plastics, on dating sites or even just in person I wasn't shy about being up front that I'd lost a lot of weight and was living a healthy lifestyle now.  Part of my reason for doing this was to mentally prepare anyone for the loose skin, stretch marks, etc.  Now that I've had plastic surgery, I still will be up front that I lost weight and had plastics, so BTW, I have scars.  I don't say it apologetically, but I do it because even if someone doesn't have a problem with my body or scars, they still might be a bit shocked to see the scars if they're not expecting them, and I don't want to have to deal with that shocked reaction and feel the desire to explain anything right in the middle of what should be fun naked sexy times.

However, I'm also new enough out from surgery that my scars are still red and pronounced.  Once everything is totally healed and somewhat faded I might not really bother to say anything.

Great question.  I wondered heavily about this myself.  I can only reply as to how I handled it and the reactions I got.

Briefly I married young as a virgin, so my intimacy experience was limited to my 20 year husband.  Going out in the dating world at 40 with no experience had all kinds of challenges I wasn't sure how to address and handle.

Before anyone ever would have gotten to see anything, I had laid out on the table, that I have a VERY imperfect body.  I told them I have had multiple major surgeries, and I have lots of scars.  I told them, my boobs may look good in person or in a picture, but that is only because I buy good bras.   Lasly, my inner thighs are my worst.  I would just again be very upfront, that I had lost a lot of wait and that I had excess skin on my inner thighs.

It bothered one man.  He commented on it many times, (he was a soccer player, with a perfectly fit bod) so we were not meant to be.  After the first date with who is now my HOT DH, we literally could not WAIT to see each other again....so we set up to get together the next night.   I told him we needed to have a serious convo before a second date. So the next morning we sat on the phone and had the convo.  I went down the bullet points of all of my personal flaws.  To each one he said, "I don't care".  These are the men that we need.

I was a tad nervous, and unsure of what his reply would be.  He is gorgeous (to me) works out 3-4 days a week, and thinks being fat is being 10 lbs overweight...That being said, he also described himself as "past the age of only wanting shallow thing".  So he could have gone either way I thought.

Now, as I sit hear recently back to researching my final wave of plastics, he simply tells me..."when I see you, all I see is how beautiful you are, I don't see any of that other stuff.  But this is your body, and your life, and if it will make you happy, you should do it."

So that is how my dating after plastics went :)

BEST TIP:  Be completely upfront...then they can decide.

Best Wishes,

I never said anything before plastics or after plastics and when intimate they never said a thing. Not when it was loose skin or even about the scars. I figure if you are to that point they are just happy you are naked and don't focus on the little things but more on the big picture of what is happening.

I'm pretty upfront.  My arms were exposed when I was dancing.  My scars were only a few months old.  None of the guys that I danced with even said anything about them.  When I did get intimate, he wasn't put off by my scars at all.

I say that I have some scars and I am worried that he will not find me desirable.  My experience has been that men want to help women to feel safe and cared for.  Knowing that I went through the surgeries makes them treat me with compassion and tenderness.

This conversation does not take place until we are ready to have sex.  Many of the men I date never get to that stage and they never learn about my surgeries.

Well, as for me I do believed that if you are going to be honest with all yourself and the other part will love you no matter what, there will be no issues at all. However, there will be a hard time accepting some of our flaws. But still, I will encourage you to tell him everything about you, even your flawses, and eventually as the love comes in everything will come into right places.