The High Emotional Cost of Plastic Surgery that No One Tells You About

 

I have posted several times about the emotional trauma, yes trauma, that I have been through with my body contouring plastic surgery. And now even 14-months post stage 1 plastic surgery the emotional toll continues. It has become too much for even me to bear. Everyone has their breaking point and I feel that I may have reached mine. I am considering canceling my stage 3 plastic surgery scheduled for September 29th.

 

Women often tell me how brave I am to go through all of this. But very few people know the full story of what I have been through. It is beyond the pale, egregious, and completely undeserved. 

 

Let me recount it all for you, if I may. There was, in chronological order:

• Humiliation of my pre op body being naked for photos and markups, and Betadine wash 
• Rushing to the ER in the middle of the night for a possible complication (I turned out to be A-OK)
• Verbal abuse and harassment by a former medical assistant
• Violation of my HIPPA rights by said medical assistant
• Sexual assault during two exams conducted by a plastic surgeon (NOT affiliated with Capella Plastic Surgery) 
• My doctors refusing to help me when I turned to them after the assault
• Being very self disclosing to my doctors so they could help me and instead they used my words to cause me harm
• Being lied to
• Being screened for several rare diseases right before my stage 2 surgery and the belief that I would die during surgery
• The manifestation of panic attacks, which I had never had previously and which are likely PTSD 
• Elevated blood pressure due to stress that required medication to control -- and which subsided after stage 2 surgery
• Complications from my brachioplasty that resulted in my right arm incision opening up (http://www.realself.com/review/ramsey-nj-arm-lift-flankplasty-breast-lift-body-lift-medial-thigh-lift), webbing in the armpit, and frozen shoulder syndrome 
• Traveling out of state for surgery and being all alone during weeks of recovery
• Being nearly totally dependent on my husband during the first few months of recovery and not being able to live a normal life during months of recovery after each of my three surgeries last year
• Dissension within the family
• My plastic surgeon canceling my facelift surgery because I ask too many questions and take too much of his time
• The PA getting mad at me on the phone and later refusing to do my final plastic surgery
• My husband accusing me of being too into my looks and up to no good

 

I think that captures most if not all of it. And every single time I held my head up high and moved forward, forgiving those who hurt me, and trying to make things right with them. I guess I have been far too nice... or should I say naive?

 

And what keeps going through my mind right now? That little voice inside my head says, "You don't matter." 

 

Was it worth it -- was the plastic surgery results worth all the money spent and all of the physical and emotional trauma? What choice do I have but to say yes, and hod my head high and move forward? There are no do-overs.

 

I am sorry you have gone through all of that.  I hope in time you can get justice, vindication and peace. 

Thank you, RobynJC. I guarantee you that I will get 2 of the 3.

Well, FWIW, from your username to your blog, etc., your life seems to revolve around your identity as a weight loss surgery patient.  Although we always have to stay mindful of what and how we eat in order to avoid regain, most people reach a point where having had WLS is just one small part of their life.  It seems as if you may be "stuck".

Despite your weight loss and your new body, you still have that little voice saying "you don't matter", and -- based only the very small bit I have seen from you here -- the extensive plastic surgery seems to be an attempt to shut that little voice up.  No amount of plastic surgery is going to do that, though. No matter how perfect you make your body, the issue isn't how you look or how you feel about your body... it is how you feel about who you are inside (and the various fears that often accompany those feelings).

I would strongly urge you to cancel the next round of plastic surgery and spend the money on some counseling instead. Learn how you can learn to accept, like, and love yourself for who you are at your core (and change the things inside you that you need/want to change) rather than trying to change how you feel about yourself by changing your outside.

Your post sounds so incredibly sad.  I do hope you can treat your inside as well as you have treated your outside and get some help so that you can be happy.  The plastic surgery isn't going to do that for you, I'm afraid.

Lora

Yes, I am incredibly sad right now. I understand how you may draw the conclusion that I have esteem issues from what I have written. But that is not accurate. I love myself inside and out and I have a solid sense of self. Rather it is those people around me -- those involved in my plastic surgery that I wrote about above -- that by their actions "tell" me that I do not matter to them. Do you see the distinction?

I don't have the words right now -- and that says a lot coming from a writer -- to describe the incredible depths of disappointment I have in those people who were supposed to care for me. That said, I hear your point about being stuck. I was supposed to have my final plastic surgery this past May 29th and I wished I had not pushed out that date. I want completion and feel that I will move on, or become unstuck, once I recover from my final surgery. I should have known better than to listen to someone else over myself. I know what is best for me. But that ship has sailed and here I am today, contemplating whether or to to have that surgery.

My life does revolve around obesity and plastic surgery etc because that is what I do for my career as an obesity health activist, or at least part of my career (a digital health strategist being the other part). The plastic surgery, at least the body contouring part of it, has been difficult. And I have never encountered such sick and devious people all my years writing about obesity as I have in the last year or so that I have been writing about plastic surgery. 

I truly appreciate you reaching out with concern and advice. I will come out on top. I always do. But sometimes I have got to waddle through a pool of **** to do it :-)

Lora, a lot of what you wrote resonates with me. I have such a full life--a truly great husband, marriage, and kids; a career that I love; and my health, to name a few--but I' be been hearing that voice more often lately that tells me "you could be better." I had an LBL 2.5 weeks ago and I've already switched my attention to my inner thighs which is an area that I had previously said (and believed) that I wasn't interested in fixing. I knew I wanted to do an LBL and BL, but my thighs were the imperfection I thought I could live with. I've already decided that I need some therapy before I have anymore plastics. I can see how easy it would be to obsess about the next imperfect thing (never ending) and miss out on all the joy and beauty I have in my life. 

I agree in part with regard to some of what you responded however as in also have had communication with MBL, and reading her post here and now, her overall sadness and your concerns are correct but her initial embarrassment at how she was treated at being evaluated/marked when naked and the sexual harrassment while not having been believed have all taken its toll on her.
If anything she has told me to learn to accept myself and me for who I am and not just my body.
We as WLS and PS patients and even kee so people, are nature is to any more and better.
I commend her courage in her candor and honesty to express herself in an open forum.
Mikimi in Israel

Thanks Mikimi. You are one of the few people who know they entire story and have been there with me along the way. Thank you for that now and forever!

You know, the embarrassment over being nude is expected. I think I can say that we all were initially ashamed of our naked bodies. Even now when I look at those pre op photos I am ashamed. At least I can say unequivocally that I no longer am ashamed of my naked body. A few days ago I went to a nude beach... Well, I went topless anyway, and it was wonderful to be THAT secure and comfortable in my own skin. But all the other stuff that happened to me - wow - it is just insane. For even one of those things to happen would be a shock, but all of them to happen to me, and all within one year?!?! 

As you noted, the not being believed was extremely hard on me. And so many people think it was the sexual part that was the worst. While that is certainly in the mix, the very worst part was my trust being broken. And if you read between the lines above, that theme resonants in those scenarios again and again.

thanks for always being there for me and believing me. You have been a very good friend and we have never met and probably never will given our geographies. But I hold you dear in my heart.

I hesitated to reveal that we had become friends but reconsidered as I felt it would clarify what I wrote.
I did not experience any of your situations in my plastics journey with my PS and staff/hospital hut did have an issue in a consult that I left in hysterical tears and when I went after to eat in the food court in the shopping mall of the hospital I chose to food comfort with potatoes in mushroom cream sauce (of course I can't remember what it is calked in English!).
I have experiences orthopedist claiming my ankle pain (after three surgeries) would be alleviated if I lost the 20K that the BMI written in my computer file implies I need to still lose.
I think I'll post an off-topic to elaborate and update here.
Mikimi

That is a good idea. This is a good place to vent.

and I am glad you did not have the bad experiences I posted above. I do not wish those on anyone!