Be Careful What you wish for--BA explant in future

Just thought I'd update y'all

 

I had TT w/ MR and BA on December 17th. Had a lot of pain with only the BA (no TT pain ever) the first week but was so out on pain meds I didn't notice so much. 

Week 2 was the worst. Lots and lots of swelling, pain, every time I looked in the mirror I cried. Yes, I think some of it was par for the course and getting used to having anything on my chest, some of it was probably attributable to pain, but I definitely didn't want them that big. I wanted them out immediately. I just isn't me, I told myself. One night it got so bad I even wished I'd have a complication so I could justify removal.

Week 3 pain continued. Maybe worse. Left begin to drop and wasn't giving me any problems, but right got unbearable to touch. Couldn't raise my right arm, had to hold onto my armpit (now thinking it's my lymph nodes which are still inflamed).

At 3 1/2 weeks I started having a burning feeling in my incision. Removed the tape and out gushed yellow milky fluid. Has been draining ever since (I'm now at 6 weeks PO). PS put me on cipro that night. Been on that for about 20 days now

In the past 3 days my draining hole in the incision has been closing up (my microbiologist but not Dr. (yet) sister says this is a good sign because it's an platelet forming immune response) but if I squeeze on my boob, that seems to open the incision and out comes liquid--albeit much much less. PS acted like that's nice, but any liquid at all is still indicative of active infection. Additionally, at now 6 1/2 weeks out, I haven't been massaging or wearing the band (which she was okay with b/c of all my problems) but that coupled with infection has created scar tissue which she is pessimistic about the implant on the right dropping and softening.

 

I feel really guilty about ever being such a brat and wonder if I somehow willed this on myself.  I don't know what to think now.  4 weeks ago I was dead-set on removal.  Isn't this the answer?  But I'm okay now, perhaps even like the left one.  It's definitely not too big.  But there's a part of me that just liked being thin all over, including boobs.  I have a more womanly figure now.  Sometimes I like that, sometimes I associate "curvy" with "heavy."  That's what years of living in the world of fat will do to ya.  PS recommended taking out 1 for 4 months and then putting it back in.  I really, really, really do not think I can handle that.  It would save me almost $2k but I'm so afraid of the emotional/psychological scars it would create.  Body image is not my strong suit, and I don't need any help making it any worse.  This was supposed to be good, a prize.  Now I've been through all this, money, time, emotional exhaustion, and for what?!  Vent over

I am really sorry you have had such a hard time. I too have body issues and after my tummy tuck I now feel curvy or thick...which I too associate with being fat. I literally have my pre WLS and pre PS pictures in my purse to remind me of where I was. These help when I am having those "moments". 

I do not have ant advise for your BA problems but you have reaffirmed my decision to hold off on my BA. I have breast cancer in 3 generations so I held off due to those concerns initially. 

How is your TT? Are you happy with that at all?

I was fat my whole life till 2007 (banded in 2006) so I have no point of reference when it comes to feeling skinny or even normal. I still feel fat but at the same time have the fear of gettin fat again. I think now my body is what it is going to be and keep trying to convince myself to be satisfied and thankful.

 

ok my vent is over! But I feel for you and understand some what how you feel.

I'm pretty happy with my TT, and it's a heck of a lot easier to be happy with a surgery when you've had no pain or complications.  I've literally only had pain once with my TT, and that was yesterday when I had a big stretch and felt a short tug at my incision.  But my incision line is healing well.  It's definitely there, and because of my weird body it's still going to probably slightly visible in a swimsuit (my swimsuit line is about 1" lower than my incision line), but it's still low.  I like that my belly button isn't covered by a blob of skin/fat.  

That being said, I still have some swelling.  I guess the hardes thing about the tummy tuck is that now I'm here, and I realize I'm not as skinny as I thought I was lol!  Yes I'm going to be thinner because I got rid of that skin, but I'm by no means a VS model.  I look like my normal (but not "skinny" or abs) friends.  Most girls my age would probably be like "ohmygosh I've gotta lose weight and get abs for swimsuit season."  But that being said, coming from where I did, 277lbs., size 22, then 5lbs. of skin removed, I at least look like I have a foot in the door to being normal--I can definitely pull of a bikini.  I don't look the best, but I look normal.  And that's a heck of a lot more than I could say at 277 or with 5lbs. of hangy-down skin on my belly.  

I had a breast lift/reduction and my right areola opened up shortly after. A ps in the hospital ward stitched it closed and it still a rather long time until it healed totally closed.
Mikimi In Israel

I have been debating what size to go with my implants. I actually had The Great Boob Debate on RealSelf. Superficial, I know...

I was a 38DD pre op and had good projection on my ass. After my body lift and thigh lift I was very lean. I was about a B-cup and my body was an athletic build. Then at 2-mos post op my curves returned. My ass got 2" bigger and I went to a D cup.

  

 

So I know well what you mean when you state that sometimes your curves make you feel fat, even though you like your womanly shape. I feel the same way sometimes. It is then that I remind myself that I am wearing size 4 jeans and I cannot possibly be fat. Or I will go slip on an old pair of my size 14 pants, which I can pull up without even unzipping them.

I am probably going to ask Dr. Capella to make my breasts smaller so that when he does the implant I do not have huge breasts. I definitely do not want to be larger than a D. I want small implants so that he can shape my breasts so they are round and to create upper pole fullness.

I don't think you would do well with removing one of the implants for 4-mos. Saving the $2k is not worth what it will cost you in terms of emotional health. That is a very long time to have one breast, so to speak. I don't think I would handle it well, either.

You did not will this on yourself. I have gone through some trying emotional experiences along my plastic surgery journey and I wondered the same thing, did I bring this on myself? A surgery friend who was delighted with her body and went out and bought new clothes had them stolen from her vehicle. She also thought maybe she willed it on herself. For all of us, it was just something that happened. 

Hang in there. You sound alot better than you did a few weeks ago.

Thanks so much for the response.  Sometimes it hard dealing with all this because so few people understand.  Even people who "just" have plastics are hard to relate to.  Like even the people who had a baby pooch/were unhappy with their small boobs are hard to relate to because they don't have the same type of emotional baggage.  Women who are thin and just want large breasts may not have the same fear of looking fat that I do.  I was definitely not prepared for the emotional rollercoaster that is plastic surgery.  Much less that which accompanies a plastic surgery complication.  I sometimes wonder if it was worth it.

 

Glad to know I'm not the only one who wondered if I "caused" my own complication.  And I'm also glad to feel that I'm not insane for wanting both out, even though the left is fine and it would cost $1600 more.  Being incredibly unhappy with the mirror everyday is just not worth it.  Plus I don't know if I will put them back in, want to go bigger, wait a while, or what. 

 

Sometimes these complications make me wonder if I ever deserved a chance to look like my goal.  

You need to stop beating yourself up. The complications have nothing to do with whether or not you deserved to look like your goal. The theory of the laws of attraction is a whole lot of bull**** If it were real, my life would be very different right now! 

If I may be so bold to give you honest feedback, I think you need to work on your inside in order to love your outside. Even though your are a very beautiful woman, it seems to me that you do not see yourself that way. As well, it seems you have a general feeling that you don't deserve to be happy. I do not mean any of this as criticism, so please do not take it that way. Perhaps I am way off base, but these are my lay person's observations. Apologies if I have offended in any way. I am just trying to help.

As for me, It took me quite a while to get used to my new body and realize how beautiful it is. At my 2-mos post op consult I spoke mainly of imperfections to Dr. Capella rather than all of the very wonderful things that were right about my body. Seriously, I complained that my belly button was only 5cm from my cleft and that it should be 7cm. I complained that my BB was hooded. I complained that my nipples were 25cm from my sternum and should be 21cm. Crazy! 

Self acceptance and confidence are the greatest aphrodisiac of all. I truly love my body now. You are stunning. And I think you will come to realize that in time.

I have a fiance who loves me very much and did and does think I'm attractive.

I'm pretty happy in a lot of respects of life--very comfortable life, very close family, near-top of my law school class.  It's just when I look at a VS model I don't think I can make it there.  Hell, I don't think even that model looks like the photo.  I don't know that I think I don't "deserve" to so much as maybe I should "accentuate the positive"--that I'm down 126lbs., now have no excess skin on my tummy.  Maybe I never will be a model-figure, and yes I missed out on a lot while I was overweight, but I learned a lot and I have the future in front of me.  I was never really very proud of my body, who could have been, but I'm thankful I had other things to be proud of--the characteristics that really matter in life.  So when I say things like I don't know if I can/should/deserve/will be "that girl", I think it's more an acknowledgment of how silly the physical side of all this stuff is in the scheme of things.  And there are a great many things in my life that I'm sure I don't *deserve.*

 

But I thank you for your insight.  And I will admit I'm probably pretty hypercritical about my appearance.  But especially with this complciation.  Things definitely do not look right because one implant dropped and the other didn't and probably won't ever because of the infection-created thick scar tissue.  

Well you are a high achiever and that is probably lending to you being hypercritical of yourself. I am like that, too, but it came later in my life. I wish that I had gotten myself together at as young an age as you are now. 

Would I like to look like a playboy model? Yes! I told Dr. Capella I wanted a body like Anna Nicole. So, will I be appearing in playboy after all this surgery? No! But sometimes I feel like I could be. And that is what matters to me.

I have very high standards, and I have a critical eye. At my 2-mos post op I complained to Dr. Capella about things that were inconsequential... My cleft was only 5cm from my belly button when it should be 7 cm. Who cares? I have an awesome stomach. My body was awful before my plastic surgery and he made it amazing. I lost 38 pounds and 43 inches and I am complaining about 2 cm?!? 

BTW Anna Nicole's measurements were 36DD 26 waist and 38 hips. My measurements are 36D 32 waist and 38.5 hips. So, wow, I am pretty close (got to work on my waist)! 

I wish you luck in your decision. I, too, struggle with the idea of breast implants and your insights have given me something to think about more deeply. 

I'm sorry for your troubles and no patient "deserves" a complication. Everybody knows how hard you worked to get to the point of plastic surgery and unfortunately this complication will also be some extra work for you, but you deserve a body that matches what you have put into making it healthy !  

The issues of trying to figure out "what looks good on you" in terms of breast size is one many of my patients grapple with.  So many things are changing, but body image is a funny thing. Years go by in many cases before I see some patients "good" with what they see in the mirror. So I try and do some upfront work to ease into the transition.  I insist on a separate meeting before surgery, where we do a breast implant "try-on" in front of the mirror with fitted clothing, often with a significant or trusted other person alongside my patient.  I think this helps prevent many issues later with unexpected size issues.

May I ask if you did a sizing process before surgery and if so what kind ?