Want to reverse my BA--explant

I'm very unhappy.  I cry every time I get naked to shower.  It's just not me.  I hate the figure in the mirror looking back at me.

You see, though I was 277lbs., I never had breasts.  I was, at best, a 38A, not completely filled.  Lucky for me, that meant that when I lost 126lbs. my boobs did fine and remained flat as pancakes, but never saggy.  I never really mourned not having a chest.  In fact, I was kind of proud of it--it was one of the few things on me that had not been obese!  I would feel very thin, svelte, athletic, and strong when I pulled on tshirts and sweaters.  Occasionally a 13 year old filling out a bathing suit would get me blue, but for the most part I never envied those with breasts.  But I started to get the idea that I should and that it was unnatural to feel confident in my curveless figure.  When I went in to consult for a tummy tuck, the breast augmentation seemed an option because the two surgeries were so often performed together.  During each consult I was really sold hard on the breast augmentation.  I always had my doubts, continuously looked up reasons not to get it done, etc., but ultimately I made the very big mistake to go ahead with both surgeries two weeks ago.  

Yes, now I'm in somewhat pain from the BA.  Yes, they look awkward and high.  But most of all, I woke up, smelled the coffee, and realized this was a mistake, I was happy with my former body, and this surgery has made me dismally unhappy and feel like I sold out my former body.  I feel like I'm suffering from some kind of body dismorphia.  But for the life of me I cannot get over feeling fatter.  Obviously body image has always been a big struggle for me in my life, and it took me so so long to accept and appreciate my body after wls.  Now I feel like I've turned back the clock.  Breasts=fat and I have just added mass to my body.  To make matters worse, I'm a terrible asthmatic and the weights on my chest not only make it hard to breath, but freshly out of surgery have been causing panic-onset asthma attacks.  

Everyone keeps telling me to "wait it out."  This may be sage advice as I am reminded of how regretful and unhappy I was after weightloss surgery.  But I don't think the same advice really applies here.  I was never fully sold on this surgery, merely teeter tottering between yea and nay.  I just don't want to deal with this.  I don't want to wait until my skin is fully stretched out, or until I am so unhappy with my body I can't stand it anymore.  The grass is always greener, and I just realized how good I had it before surgery.  What should I do?

I think part of the problem is you are still recovering from surgery. I was a blubbery mess, too. Talk to your surgeon. See if it makes a difference if you get the implants removed now or wait 6 months to see if you get used to them. He may not be willing to do anything now. 

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I hope you feel better about everything soon!!

 

I know what you mean about preferring small breasts. I am an A cup and am happy with that. I can run without pain or back problems, and I have full sensation in my breasts and nipples even though I had a breast reduction in 1999. I was surprised at how MUCH of my bosom melted off after the weight loss surgery, but overall looked upon it as an asset, especially when my other running friends would complain about their breasts and having to buy special bras or wear two bras at once, etc.

Consult with your physician. You seem unhappy about all your surgeries right now, and the breasts may just be getting the focus based on those emotions. This is an excellent reason to be fully sure that you want a surgery before going ahead--breast augmentation is a good choice for some, but not for everyone.

I'm sorry you are unhappy, but it is very early to tell how your final outcome will be.  You can see changes for several months.  At first, they do feel foreign and after a while, you won't even notice they are there.  I think most are sitting high and they do tend to be odd shaped (frankenboobie is a common term).  This is temporary.  Once the swelling goes down and the filling in the implants settles (think gravity), they will probably be much more natural looking.  I have had mine (silicone) for 2 years now.  They are very natural looking though.

From nest I have read on the forum over the part couple of years, our hormones go haywire from plastic surgery and we can get depressed distressed disillusioned.
Swelling in areas after we expect flat and smooth; high and pointy and heaviness cause out brain to be confused between our expectations and reality.
I suggest you take selfie photo every day for the next month to see minor changes as your body heals and your implants settle. I highly doubt your ps will agree to remove the implants do early out unless there is medical reason which is why I am suggesting you photograph yourself to compare.
Mikimi in Israel

Sorry that you are unhappy. I read a lot of good info on realself website about explants. You can read testimonies and experiences of other women who knew right away that they hated their implants and wanted them reversed. Many were very happy once they were removed, others re-questioned their decision for reversal. Maybe by reading their stories, you can see which resonate with you and try to predict how you will feel.

After reading all these explant stories, I decided against implants even though every surgeon said I would be happier with my results if I got them. All of them said that breast lift alone was never enough and that I would have very small breasts post op. However, now 6 months post op, I am still a D cup! I don't think that is small at all and if anything wish they were a B or C. So although I do wish I had the perkiness of implants, I am still happy I only did the lift.

However, some days, I think maybe the implants would have made better results like they said. Right now gravity continues to sag my breasts again and the lift is looking less effective by the day. Implants are better for defying gravity and giving nice results in clothes. I still need push up bra to bring them where they should be in a dress. I really wanted nice perky breasts without a bra. That did not happen. LOL.

At any rate, some surgeons won't do anything until 6 months post op, so check in with yours about your dissatisfaction and time frame for change. I had to wait till 6 months, but now that I'm there, I do not think I would want to go back under for anything. I am not happy with my surgery results, but not sure it is worth a re-try.

Venting...

I don't have anywhere else to go.  My family is tired of pitying me and I know I'm depressing them too.  At the holidays no less.  I'm a brat because they gave me this gift to make me happy and now I act like they've permanently disfigured me.  I don't mean to attach blame; all blame is my own.  But it's very very difficult for me to keep up face and conceal my emotions when I'm so miserably unhappy.

How about i try to say something good?  My tummy tuck hasn't hurt one bit.  I'm almost skeptical as to whether muscle repair was done at all (I asked 3 times, and each time my surgeon confirmed, growing more irritated by each repetition).  The small bit of scar that I see (from under the tape) doesn't look bad at all.  I am warned, however, that the scar gets worse before it gets better.  I have some swelling, so I was a little disappointed when I tried on a bikini, but I think my scar line is about as low it can go and once the swelling resolves it'll be better?  Worth the money?  Eh, not quite to the point of declaring that because I think I looked slimmer, if not bread doughier, before, but I have high hopes for the coming months.  And summer is months away.

And the bad.  My BA has hurt from day one.  I couldn't even put my arms down at my side at first.  There's still one medicine bottle that's too difficult to open.  Buttoning pants is killer.  Breathing in was difficult for the first week.  While I'm now better able to lift my arms above my head, the pain started to increase again yesterday (2 weeks since surgery).  I had sharp pains in my sternum area.  I've been on the couch virtually all day with a heating pad, taking NSAIDS religiously.  Sleep is the worst.  I feel very depressed and would like nothing more than to just nap it out.  But sleeping is the worst.  Pain gets worse at night so I take my pain pill before bed.  I'm starting to worry about when I'll run out.  My surgeon didn't even want to prescribe me more at 1 week post op.  I imagine it would be a big fat NO at 3 weeks.  I'm trying to make them last.  But every night I'm awakened by pain in the middle of the night.  I'm usually a great sleeper!  It has to be bad to wake me up.  I wake up and get another pain pill.  My chest feels so super sore at night.  Hoisting myself up of a morning is an ordeal.  I've been waking up early too--around 5:30-6 and with nothing to do it makes for a long day.  I rush to get my first aleve of the day.  Except today it's not working.  Sternum pain remains.  I don't want to talk to anyone because I cannot seem to be anything but sad and regretful.  And I know that makes them feel bad.  And then they want to accuse me of tormenting them.  So in turn I feel worse.  

There's the pain, but then there's the regret.  I don't want this!  How did I ever convince myself I wanted this?  Seriously, who was that person??  Everyone tries to calm me by telling me that this is a common after-effect of the surgery and that I must wait months before undergoing any reversal.  Maybe they're right.  Maybe they aren't.  I can hardly see how living with this mistake of an implant for many more months can prove healthy.  And part of me doesn't want to like them.  Right now I'm mad at and disgusted with the presurgery person who decided to undergo augmentation.  I don't want to return to that woman I despise!  I have always lived with and loved my small chest.  I don't really want to acclimate to a large chest.   I just want to be free and me again.  My sister said I have some sort of weird anorexic block against this.  I will admit that I associate boobage with weight.  I mean, that's what it is, right?  Sure thin busty girls may don magazine covers.  But, in general, thin women aren't very chesty.  There are some other emotional aspects of this as well.  I never really received a lot of male attention all those teen/early twenty years while I was overweight.  I'm comfortable with not being sexy.  While I have a fiance and he makes me feel beautiful and sexy, I cannot handle having the boobs.  It's like seriously traumatizing puberty in my mid twenties!  I'm okay with not fitting that mold.  I'd describe myself as "elegant" "graceful" or "feminine" instead of sexy.  And that's what I prefer.  

I thought this surgery would be an improvement of my body image.  I thought I was working toward a body I could appreciate and love more.  I think eventually I will feel that way about the tummy tuck.  But I don't think I will ever feel that way about the BA.  So why keep it?  I'm going the wrong direction!

I want these out immediately!  I'm sorry I made a mistake, I'm sorry I'm making my family upset.  I just want to be me and I cannot be that with these stupid boobs.  

Your tummy tuck will be great.  Yes, the scar will get darker before it starts fading.  Just don't stress over it.  Your incision line will also drop a bit as the swelling goes totally away.  But it really does take patience and a lot of deep breathing to get to the point where you see your final results.

On the BA, the pain part should go away over the next few weeks.  I'd call the doc and tell him you need a refill and don't want to argue about it.

On the regret, I've seen several women post similar experiences and feelings to what you're having on realself.  Most have gotten the explant and been totally thrilled with the implants gone.  I know everyone keeps telling you to wait, but only you know your state of mind.  If you're certain you don't want them, then get them out sooner versus later.  The entire time they're in, they're stretching your skin.  There's no reason that I know of medically why they can't come out now.  I suspect the surgeon and your family are telling you to wait in the hopes/expectation that you'll come to love them if you give yourself time.  Again, only you know what you're feeling and only you can make the decision.