Having doubts about doing the tummy tuck... looking for any and all feedback!

I have an extended tummy tuck scheduled for a month from now.  I am 17 days out from an arm lift and neck lipo.  Recovery has been pretty OK - except that I got a hole in one armpit and developed a nasty yeast infection on my arms which hurt like crazy.  Swelling is pretty bad right now still, but I know it will get better. The yeast infection is getting better, but the skin is still pretty raw.

I am having serious doubts about my upcoming tummy tuck.  I don't know if it will be worth it - the pain, the downtown, the risk.  Yes, my flappy belly does hold me back - gives me rashes, makes it harder to exercise in some ways, harder to look good in clothes, etc.   But I forgot how much surgery kind of sucks.  I didn't realize how much I'd miss cuddling with my kids (both very young) as I recuperate.  I miss my kids and the idea of an MORE downtime just makes me really sad.  I feel like I should feel excited about the surgery - not sad about the downtime.   I'm just not sure what to do.

I could cancel the surgery.  I think I'd lose a $500 deposit, but that's not the end of the world.  I could re-evaluate in the Fall, but the problem is that I have childcare arranged for now that would not be available in the fall.  Or I could just do it and trust my original decision back when I scheduled these surgeries.

I'd love to hear any and all thoughts on this matter.  I am feeling so conflicted.  My husband is encouraging me to go forward with it - but he will support any decision.  My mom (who is, next to my husband, my best friend) thinks I should postpone the surgery if I have doubt and maybe see how I feel in the fall.  She thinks it's too much surgery back to back.

Thanks, everyone... I'm feeling kind of depressed about all of this and I don't know why.

Last year I had a procedure every couple of months.  While it was a bit grueling to go through, I'm glad that I did it that way.  I am in the final stage of my thigh lift and it feels pretty good to have all of that work behind me.  Now I can actually look forward to some quality time at the gym for an extended period instead of several reboots on my workout.  The summer is coming and I can actually plan things to do other than plan things around my surgeries.  I don't have kids so that makes it easier for me.  As long as your recovery from the arm lift and neck lipo proceeds, I would go with the tummy tuck.  If it were me, I would prefer to group as much of that together as can be and then move on with life.  I am looking at one more thing probably an arm lift.  I really want to give myself a chance to build up my arms and upper body some before that happens though - so I want to take a longer break this time around.  I've been through 5 surgeries in the past year - so it is time for a break for me.  I also want everything I've done to have a chance to settle in so that I can determine if I will need any touch ups to previously done areas.  In terms of will it be worth it getting the tummy tuck - I would say yes.  I have had one and love the way my abdomen looks now.  The pain wasn't really that bad and it looks wonderful.  Good luck to you.

JoAnn

Wow - five surgeries in a year!  You are a tough woman!  

Thanks for your reply.  I think if I get it done, once I am healed, I'll be really glad that I did it.  I'm just having some fear and anxiety about it now - worrying what complications might lie ahead.

Well, they were five surgeries all of varying degrees of intensity.  I tend to bounce back relatively quickly from these things.  And I have a high threshold for pain.  I usually only stay on the pain meds for the first day and then maybe a night or two to sleep good.  I have not really done any alternative sleeping arrangements - slept in my own bed after every surgery.  I hear lots of stuff about skin being pulled tightly to the point where people can't even sit on the toilet.  My surgeons didn't pull things that tightly.  I have never been afraid to sit or stand.  I did it slowly mind you but always felt the ability to do it.  And I am very pleased with the results of all of the procedures.  I've had lots of drains through these procedures - some longer than others - but it was all worth it.

Now as far as concern for complications.  There is always going to be a concern.  Even I still have them having gone through as much as I have.  My feeling is if something is going to happen, it will happen if I have surgery or not.  If something bad is destined to happen - it will happen.  As long as I am confident and comfortable with my surgeon, I feel good about proceeding.  I have actually had a complication but with quick response and a very competent, caring surgeon, I got through it.  I don't believe it was anything that was not done correctly, I just think it was time for something to happen.  Even though this complication happened, I am still leaning towards getting my arms done.  While it is something that I can disguise, the rest of me looks so good that proceeding with this next phase is a serious consideration for me.

I love how I look now.  Over the past several years, I have always looked at myself as the fat girl that lost a bunch of weight from a body perspective.  Now I see myself as a normal person.  Most of the areas of my body that were the telltale signs of my previous size are gone now.  That is a wonderful feeling.  I do have some large scars but many of them are fading.  And having the scars is so much better than having the sagging skin or the skin filled with fat. 

It really boils down to how much you are willing to endure and risk to feel good about yourself.  The better you feel about yourself, the more quality time you will have with those you love.  You will have more time in the long run to focus on your enjoyment of the time you spend with them rather than that nagging in the back of your mind that I should have done this and that or god forbid, I shouldn't have done it.  It is a mental exercise that we all go through and have to reconcile it for ourselves.  There is no right or wrong answer, just the one that you can live your life fully with.  Good luck in reaching that decision.

JoAnn

I had my FDL Tummy tuck last May and while I have enjoyed it greatly, I have been patiently waiting to have the rest of my LBL done, (butt and outer thigh lift).  We chose to break the surgery up into two separate surgeries instead of one long marathon surgery plus I had hernia surgery done at that time too.  I am having the second surgery done April 18th and I am so excited about doing it so I will feel complete.  You know you want the tummy tuck and you will not feel complete until it is done.  I would go ahead with my surgery and fini**** and be able to enjoy my children for the rest of time without having to stop and start over later in the year.  You made have some baby blues going on about your little ones.  Just my opinion from my experience.

Thank you for your response!  I agree that it might be hard to stop and start over again later in the year - espeically when lining up childcare can be difficult.  You are also right that I don't feel done, or completely transformed, until I get my belly taken care of.  I mean, I still feel like I look as if i weigh over 360 in my belly (which I know logically isn't true - but that deflated look can really play tricks with you!)

I think missing out on kid-time, while a nice break for a couple of days quickly just makes me sad - and I really miss being more involved in their days when I'm recovering. 

I wonder if you are like me. I have 3 small children also, but I think for some reason my anxiety about getting the TT, I am getting an anchor cut, has to do with loosing my stomach.

I can not really explain how I am feeling about it...Is it bad, yes the doctor said about 12 - 15 lbs worth needs to be removed. Does it limit my clothing options? Yes I wear spanx everyday and yoga is hard, forget about running I have to wear my spanx for that also! But for some reason I am not as excited about the removal, I don't know if my hanging skin is a friendly reminder of my fat girl days (I have been overweight my whole life I am now 33), or if it is sort of some twisted kind of security blanket.

I worry about not being able to hold my girls, and not being able to care for my family but I know it is for a short period of time, I have a very supportive husband who will help. So I honestly think it is me, and for some reason I am scared a bit.

Not sure if you feel the same way but I am having a hard time dealing with this weird issue...

Wow!  Thank you for that response!  I really never thought about it the way that you explained it, but it definitely rang true for me.

As long as I have this belly, I still see myself as fat - which is an identity that I've had my entire life.  It might be a bit of a security blanket (er... apron...haha!)  or it might be sort of an identity crisis thing.    I am the comforter, the hugger, the snuggler.  My kids (just 2 and 4 years old) like to sometimes take naps nestled into my side.  None of that can happen when I'm healing, and even after I'm healed I won't be as ...  well, I won't be as soft and squishy.   Maybe that is a small subconscious part of my hesitation.

Also, I know some of us are attached to our bellies as we relate them to pregnancies.   Maybe there is some nostalgia for that.  Or maybe getting a TT represents a statement saying "I do not plan to have any more kids" and makes it feel kind of final.  I don't feel this way in particular, but it is possible that these thoughts are lying deep inside me and causing some of my hesitation.

Of course, I also worry about what most people worry about with elective surgery - complications.  If I died getting a tummy tuck, I would feel terrible.  As terrible as dead people can feel anyway.  It would seem like such a pointless, and from my perspective in my situation with young kids, a selfish way to go.  I know the odds are slim.  My surgeon is good, board certified.  The ETT would be at a hospital which a good reputation.  I have no medical issues that put me at high risk - other than being overweight - so I have no special reason to worry. 

Anyway, I'm just typing and thinking "outloud" because you bring up such an interesting angle that I hadn't considered before.  Thanks for that.  Maybe some of my ramblings make sense to you.

what I want to do most is exercise - specifically be able to jog - without flapping around painfully.  I can only imagine what it would feel like.  Sometimes on the treadmill I literally lift up my gut and jog, which is awkward but feels momentarily awesome.   When I think about that feeling, the feeling of relief and increased freedom, it makes me want to do it.  But I am scared of the surgery, scared of the pain, scared of being away from my children who mean the world to me, scared of the extra burdens on my husband, scared of lots and lots of things. 

*sigh*   I think I'm waiting for some kind of sign, but I don't think I'll get one.  I think I need to put on my big girl panties and just make a decision.

Thanks for listening. :)

I think as mothers we feel guilty about EVERYTHING and especially for anything for ourselves. 

I knew that my only issue after loosing all this weight would be me not knowing who I was anymore and I still struggle with it at times. 

So my plan is, I saw the doctor, I am in the insurance "process" which will probably take a while, then scheduling, then surgery, and the recovery. I am trying to just deal with one step at a time and not get overwhelmed or let myself talk me out of it. I know it will be fine in the end and like everything I will make it. It was my husband who said "you don't seem so excited" and that if it were him he would be glad to finally get rid of it. And I know my husband thinks I am beautiful and loves me but all I took from that was that it really is that bad looking.

See I always switch things around in my mind...the surgery fixed my portions not my brain. I am rambling again but it helps sometimes...

Good luck and after the surgery you will realize how foolish we were!

That's a smart way to do it.  I actually had to schedule my pre-op appointment today, which will happen in about 2 1/2 weeks.  So even though I am not totally decided, like you I'm still putting one foot forward at a time.   One thing that sort of soothes my worry at least for today is just knowing I can cancel it up until the moment before they knock me out!

I am hoping as I feel better and better from my arm lift and lipo that I'll be feeling more confident in going ahead with another surgery.

Yeah... I do hope we both look back and laugh at how silly we were to worry over these things.  Really, our children and husbands will benefit from these surgeries once we heal.   We'll be (hopefully) more comfortable and confident, and those things should translate to positives as far as being good mothers goes...right??  See..  I'm still trying to shed the "mommy guilt" for doing something for myself by trying to justify it as being for the family.  Haha!

Good luck to you too!!