Dealing with shame of letting yourself need surgery?

Congratulations on your journey and for fighting for yourself.  I got dumped and weight was an issue (after all I had done...yada yada).  It was so painful. I was the breadwinner and supported him.  Any way, hearing you tell your story I don't feel alone.  I knew I wasn't, but rejection is its own hell.  As you say, the mirror of not being good enough.  I've been successful all my life, in work, but not in love.  I thought I found someone who loved me for me only to find out, after cruel exchange of words, that my weight was a turn off and always had been.  So, I quit my other job that I had to support him and his kids and help with his never ending legal fees and got busy.  Busy on resting.  Busy on working out.  Busy on doing things for me. Like you, I wondered why I'd stayed so long.  FAIL again.  

However, like you, I am ready to move forward and blossom even if it's a middle age.  I'm ready to shake off the shackles of overweight and chains of low self esteem.

Size 4?  Good for you!  I was a 22 and now a 14.  

I'm so inspired by you.  

Keep the faith.  Hold your ground.  And, honor yourself and your progress.

Thank you for sharing!

It is amazing how similar our stories are.   I too supported my husband, for ten years.  While he had short lived jobs along the way, nothing substantial.  We have 3 children, and during that time one was in college with 2 about to enter.  I did this on a teacher's salary working after school programs and every summer all while losing my vision to the point of legal blindness. The last 7 years I worked my family had to drive me to schoo each and every dayl.  Then of course there were the extra-marital affairs that went on in various forms - with a current one in the background he will not admit to.  Yes, I understand supporting and making yourself crazy for someone else only to never have it reciprocated.  These surgeries are far more important to me, in more ways than one, than simply dealing with excess skin.  They represent years lost out of my life and the ultimate giving back to myself.

 I love that your now giving to yourself!  My therapist has said the question is not why did you break up, it's why did you stay so long?  It was a journey to understand that one.  If I did this, If I did that, then it will be good or he'll respect and love me.  So misguided.  But I do own that part.  I didn't know any better.  

You are so empowered now!  I love how you have taken your life back for you.  What a gift.  Thank you for being so strong and sharing your path paving the way for others to be brave too!

Thank you for your kind words.  For many years I kept silent.  I am now finding as I open up to others how much support I would have had/have if only I had done so sooner.

Hugs, girlfriend!! You need to do this for YOU!!

Laura

Thanks Laura.  I really do need to do this for myself.  It is important to me.  I haven't been able to decide which procedure to have done first.  Just when I think my body bothers me most, I may have an especially tiring day, and I think I should have the facial work done first.  So...I'm waiting for that moment when I know, that I know that I know I'm supposed the move forward with one specific surgery.

 Thank you Laura!

 I love hearing that I and seem to a lot on this site  "I wish I had done it sooner."  :)

I just want to chime in her and thank you all for your honesty!  It is refreshing to be able to come to a place and open up and read other people who have opened up - it helps us all.  I too struggled with my marriage - but mine was AFTER I lost weight.  He was jealous of the attention that I received from losing 100 pounds.  Granted, he never, ever said anything when I was heavy (I actually think he preferred me that way), but I was also very insecure.  Now I am very happy with myself and my insecurities are slowly leaving and I feel empowered.  We almost divorced because of these issues and HIS insecurities.  We have worked through a lot and are in a better place now.  I don't know what the future holds for me - I honestly hope my marriage survives, but I also know that if it doesn't, I am strong enough to handle it. 

As far as shame goes for being overweight - I have none - LOL.  I think I am definitely not the norm.  I pull my heavy picture out if anyone ever wants to see where I was and where I am now - I have no shame for it.  I truly believe that a lot of things are genetics - my whole family is obese - so I did something that made me get healthy.  The PS was just the icing on the cake and I adore my body now.

Take care and the best of luck to you!

Allison

 So interesting to me the many forms that weight issues take in our lives:  now he's jealous of your success?  Wow.  Talk about a different tale than I've experienced, but maybe down the road.  Who knows at this point?  

Wishing you continued success and love!  Thanks for sharing!