Bride of Frankenstein
I've been disappointed at my DH's reaction to my PS. He was here while I was having surgery and got me home from the hospital. He had to go out of town the day he got me home from the hospital for a conference. (It was professionally very prestigious for him and I told him not to cancel because of my surgery. I had lots of help lined up to help me at home.) He got home Thursday, one week after my surgery and took me to my follow-up appointment the next day with my doctor.
My doctor, his nurse, and I ooohed and ahhhed over the outcome and he didn't say a word. When directly asked, he said, "I loved her when I married her twenty years ago, I loved her when she was heavy, and I love her now. She's always been beautiful to me." I clearly noticed his sidestepping of the question.
Finally, last night he expressed his feelings....yay! I was rubbing lotion on my itching breasts while we were watching TV. (It is just the two of us. I am not emotionally scaring anyone else but the cat.) He looked at me and asked if the doctor took my nipple off. I said pretty much yes. He said, "You gotta admit that your nipples and your abdominal scar are Bride of Frankenstein-ish." Of course they are, that is part of the process. He said your belly is really flat and I know the scars will fade, but it is kind of freaky right now. He's right. I made a monster noise and chased him down the hall with my arms extended (you can imagine how fast I am these days), both of us laughing. It was good that we could get it out in the open and talk about it.
I did my research. I knew what to expect in an outcome. I'm thrilled so far. I know how I heal and I expect the scaring to fade nicely...eventually. I made one critical mistake. I didn't bring him into my research. I just assumed he'd go along, and he did. I was prepared, but he wasn't. He's been in a little bit of shock at my results and that I'm so happy about them.
This whole WLS journey is about me, but he is my key supporter and critical to my success. My journey doesn't just change my life, it impacts the lives of people important to me. Don't forget to include the people that are important to you as you move forward in your journey.
Kay
My doctor, his nurse, and I ooohed and ahhhed over the outcome and he didn't say a word. When directly asked, he said, "I loved her when I married her twenty years ago, I loved her when she was heavy, and I love her now. She's always been beautiful to me." I clearly noticed his sidestepping of the question.
Finally, last night he expressed his feelings....yay! I was rubbing lotion on my itching breasts while we were watching TV. (It is just the two of us. I am not emotionally scaring anyone else but the cat.) He looked at me and asked if the doctor took my nipple off. I said pretty much yes. He said, "You gotta admit that your nipples and your abdominal scar are Bride of Frankenstein-ish." Of course they are, that is part of the process. He said your belly is really flat and I know the scars will fade, but it is kind of freaky right now. He's right. I made a monster noise and chased him down the hall with my arms extended (you can imagine how fast I am these days), both of us laughing. It was good that we could get it out in the open and talk about it.
I did my research. I knew what to expect in an outcome. I'm thrilled so far. I know how I heal and I expect the scaring to fade nicely...eventually. I made one critical mistake. I didn't bring him into my research. I just assumed he'd go along, and he did. I was prepared, but he wasn't. He's been in a little bit of shock at my results and that I'm so happy about them.
This whole WLS journey is about me, but he is my key supporter and critical to my success. My journey doesn't just change my life, it impacts the lives of people important to me. Don't forget to include the people that are important to you as you move forward in your journey.
Kay
Thought provoking post.
I said recently to my partner of 15 years while in the mirror looking at my new boobs..."do you like them?".
She said "Sure...but I liked them before."
You could have knocked me over with a feather.
(Have you seen my "before"???)
Her support has been so important to me in the journey of WLS and then Plastics.
You're so right...don't forget the significant people in your life.
I said recently to my partner of 15 years while in the mirror looking at my new boobs..."do you like them?".
She said "Sure...but I liked them before."
You could have knocked me over with a feather.
(Have you seen my "before"???)
Her support has been so important to me in the journey of WLS and then Plastics.
You're so right...don't forget the significant people in your life.
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. " -- Anais Nin
Revised from Band to Bypass 10/26/09
High Wt 355/ Surgery Wt 343 (BMI 61) / Current Wt 190 on 3/17/12
TT/Fleur De Lis 8/22/11
Mastopexy and Brachioplasty 12/14/11
Revised from Band to Bypass 10/26/09
High Wt 355/ Surgery Wt 343 (BMI 61) / Current Wt 190 on 3/17/12
TT/Fleur De Lis 8/22/11
Mastopexy and Brachioplasty 12/14/11
such a good post!
i married to my husband already 25 years( man!)
he liked me when I was 374 lb, but I think he is a litle scared now with all my scars and still sagging arms and legs. he did say sometimes "what is this?" pointing to my scars, but I hope, no, i am sure he loves me.
of course, I cannot compare my live at 374 lb to now 177 lb, it is much better.
but my scars always will remind me my WLS battle.
Very great post!
alla
i married to my husband already 25 years( man!)
he liked me when I was 374 lb, but I think he is a litle scared now with all my scars and still sagging arms and legs. he did say sometimes "what is this?" pointing to my scars, but I hope, no, i am sure he loves me.
of course, I cannot compare my live at 374 lb to now 177 lb, it is much better.
but my scars always will remind me my WLS battle.
Very great post!
alla
PART 1 VSG 03/28/2006; PART 2 DS 01/31/20007
Kay, this is a fabulous post! What you're pointing out is how important this is to everyone involved. It's also such a solo process of healing. I imagine that it could be difficult for a partner to witness the more painful part of the healing process.
I'm glad you have a healthy relationship so that your husband could be honest about what he's feeling.
I'm glad you have a healthy relationship so that your husband could be honest about what he's feeling.
HW: 249 SW: 229 GW: 149 Age: 63 - Body by Sauceda - 12/2011
That is such an insightful post...glad you shared it. You are a very fortunate woman. I guess it is a good thing my 37 year marriage is coming to an end because my husband did not like my body when I weighed 148 so he sure won't like me with a big scar. But what the heck we never have sex anyway. BIG VENT
Thanks Kay for an awesome post. My husband and I have been discussing plastics for the last month and I have shown him pictures and right now he is not on board. He loves me, saggy skin and all and is scare that something bad could happen if I have more surgery. But like other posters, I feel that I am not done yet. The weight is off but the reminder is still here. I am going to work on him for the next few months to see if I can bring him on board with me. We have been in this together from the start and we will fini**** together.
Tess
Starting Wt 306; Losing Wt 155; Goal Wt 145: Regain Wt 225; Current Wt 157
PS: FDL Tummy Tuck, Hernia Repair 5/17/12, TT Revision, Butt and Thigh Lift 4/18/13
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