????

 lol thanks.  I'm not - but I'm a teacher...so that job is surely in my unofficial "job description" ;0)

You have a lot of years invested.  Have you tired marriage counseling...I mean with a highly-skilled counselor who specializes in this area?  Does your wife fully understand how you feel.  I may be way off base, but you sound like a man who could easily fall into an affair - consciously or unconsciously.  If I am correct, do you feel she fully understands how this is impacting your life?

If everything you said is true, and I have no reason to believe it is embellished, your wife is fortunate to have you.  I will tell you menopause was the singular most difficult physical transition I have ever had to face.  Mine was horrible, and I could not take synthetic hormones due to the many biopsies I have had to undergo.  Her concerns regarding taking hormones are totally understandable.  For me I had reached the point where my doctor was going to place me on a medication that MD Anderson , the famous cancer institute, uses to treat women with breast cancer.  By the time I started to agree to the regimen, my symptoms began to lesson.

Talk to your wife.  Go with her to an OB/GYN appointment and make it clear to the doctor how you feel and ask what else is available.  Herbal remedies did not work for me. 

I have been married 37 years this summer.  My husband and I are attending a 3 day intensive counseling even at the end of the month.  Our story is similar to yours - except the shoe is on the other foot.  We both feel this could be our last chance to save our marriage.  Mine is a little more complicated, though - although yours may be too but not stated in your thread.

Menopause is hard, communication often more so.  But if you really want to save your marriage take aggressive action now.  I wish you the best and commend you for being able to share your feelings.  Not many men can or will do that.

Last but not least, search your heart.  Is this really about her, or is it about you.  Often after living our lives as obese individuals then losing the weight and feeling normal and vibrant, the psychological/emotional changes can take us places we otherwise would never consider going.

Daisies, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings. Your right, I "we" have alot invested , 32 years in Sept. My wife is kind and fun and good to the core. With that said, I'm empty. I need reassurance that I'm her world. A touch or kiss or an all out attack when I come in the door.Take my hand at the movies etc. Just connect with me in a way that is different from a casual relationship.I think there is a vast difference from being loved and being in love. I don't think there is an age limit or an expiration date for the completeness that the later brings to defining "US"". I hope everything works out for you guys.

 Sending hugs your way.  I hope that you get everything that today feels like a dream.  Sometimes relationships can go through dramatic changes, but it takes a lot of commitment from both people.

Wishing you all good things!

Alpha,

Anna raised a great point.. If any infidelity, I know I wouldnt feel like accomodating anyone. It pretty much black and white to me.

There is a book you and your wife can read together called "Love Languages". It helps you identify what fills your love tank. I have only been married for 11 years to my best friend. There have been times where I was going to throw in the towel but never for issues relating to intimacy.

I think you can always fall back in love but you first have to "like" the person again.

Michelle

 I am so sorry you are dealing with this as it sounds like the 50"s I know I have been having some feelings or lack there if myself these days keep telling myself I am having mid life crisis menopause etc I know I need to see a doc and I will planning real soon. My only advice I can give is first it sounds like you totally love your wife if you didn't you wouldn't be reaching out to all of us for help you want to fix the problem but I find communication is the key try and sit down with her and start out with can we talk and really listen to each other without putting up walks having judgement and getting angry tell her how all of this makes you feel along with reassuring her how much you love her tell her you want to hear her feelings wants dreams and desires as well truly listen to what each other has to say and start by each of you trying to improve on one thing that is bothering the other one . One day and one step at a time. She is a lucky lady and I wish you both the best 

Maureen, thank you for the kind words and encouragement. I want more than anything to understand and communicate with my wife so that we can understand why we respond in the ways that we do. Best Wishes.

Steve