Plastic surgery, body issues, and kids...
My kids are aware that mommy has had surgery. My oldest is 10. Obviously this is a very impressionable time for her. I struggle with the fact that I am somehow putting body image issues on her inadvertantly. I feel like I can say all day long that I needed to do this to fix issues that remained after my weight loss or that it isn't a matter of vanity, but I worry that she's going to have this lasting impression that mom wasn't okay with her body and went to the lengths of having surgery to fix it, which is in no small part true.
For those of you that have children, especially younger kids, did you find any negative impact from their knowing about your surgery or did they even seem to care? I feel like a bit of a fraud because as much as I want to think that this was all for the sake of feeling better physically, I know there is a component of vanity associated and I don't ever want them to not be okay with their bodies. We have friends whose 5 year olds already are saying they are fat and now my youngest asks me if she is fat. It breaks my heart. Truly. I always say that we are perfect just the way we are--that we really should just try to eat well and move our bodies so we can have lots of energy to play and have lots of fun, but I sit and feel like a hypocrite. I guess lots of parenting is do as I say and not as I do, so I shouldn't bear too much guilt, but wanted to hear if any of you have had any interaction with your children regarding your surgeries and what the outcome of those conversations were.
Thanks.
Denise
Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.
RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!
*6.5 lost preop
After I lost my weight, I had tons of excess skin. My girls would see me undress and my younger daughter would always make comments about my wobbly skin...lol. I got my arms fixed 2 years ago. Since then, Sarah would often ask, "Mommy, when is the doctor gonna fix your tummy!!" She makes me laugh. They understood that mommy had to work hard to lose weight, but had to have surgery to get rid of the extra skin.
Even when I was big, I never made negative comments about my appearance in front of my kids. I honeslty do not think I made any negative comments out loud in front of anyone period. so I know society placees a lot of pressure on girls to be thin, but I do not think I contribute to that with my own girls.
Honestly, I did this first and foremost to be healthy for my kids. I'm a single mom and my kids do not have a dad. I am all they have and I need to be here for them. BUT, I'll admit I want to look good, dammit!!
Laura
Laura in Texas
53 years old; 5'7" tall; HW: 339 (BMI=53); GW: 140 CW: 170 (BMI=27)
RNY: 09-17-08 Dr. Garth Davis
brachioplasty: 12-18-09 Dr. Wainwright; lbl/bl: 06-28-11 Dr. LoMonaco
"May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears."
We also have a very open way about us in the house as far as the girls seeing me in various states of undress, but I have always tried to be very careful about not being negative about my body. There is actually quite a bit of open and honest conversation about the issues that I struggled with as a result of my obesity now that I've lost weight. I need them to understand that being overweight isn't just about looks or not fitting in the lastest fashions. At the end of the day, I know that I have impressed upon them that regardless of their weight, they will be loved, but we j ust really, really want them to be comfortable and healthy.
Parenting...hardest job you'll ever love!
Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.
RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!
*6.5 lost preop
My 21 year old struggles with weight and I have always worried about how my WLS and plastics journey is affecting her. She was always smaller than me - and now she's much larger. She's shopping plus stores, while I'm buying cute, fashionable clothes. So I really worry about her.
If they would have asked though, I would have told them that having children and being overweight for a number of years left me with skin issues that needed to be repaired. I don't walk around flaunting my flabby skin - so they really wouldn't have known otherwise. I think I would just have left it low key.
In general, my response to all this with my kids is to ONLY talk about when asked- and since they don't ask...we don't need to get into the nitty gritty. No point worrying about something that isn't a factor!
HW293/LW147/CW158 Height 5'9" Working on Maintenance!
Fleur de lis TT and Brachioplasty - Oct. 19, 2010 Breast reduction and scar revision August 2, 2011
I think your "didn't ask, didn't tell" policy is not a bad idea. It is true that we sometimes overthink this stuff and I am the queen of overthinking!! Sometimes simple is best!
Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.
RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!
*6.5 lost preop
on 12/28/11 4:15 pm
My children are 31, 28 and 21. The oldest is a girl and has never had weight issues. If fact if anything she has had the opposite problem, ever since she was very little. She is at a healthy weight now which I am thankful for. My middle son struggled with some excess weight through high school but while away at college discovered a love of the outdoors and all the exercise that comes with it. He is also at a healthy weight. My youngest has struggled with his weight for a long time but is working on it and has lost 40 lbs. so far. Their father, unfortunately, is obese and is choosing to do nothing about it.
I was overweight for a long time and my kids remember that. While I did not have WLS to lose my weight (-100 lbs.) I did need some type of plastic surgery to take care of all the loose skin after I got to my goal. It affected my lifestyle which is now very active. Most of my loose skin issues were between my waist and my hips and it made exercising difficult. When I chose to tell my children, my middle son was totally understanding. Youngest son was ok with it. But unfortunately my daughter was against it. And really never has acknowledged my first surgery. So, as you might think, I was beyond hesitant to tell her I was having a revision (much less a major one it turns out). So I waited until the last minute to tell any of them.
But back to your question - I think if you approach it as not a big deal, and focus on your healthy lifestyle it will go a long way to show your children that it is not a vanity issue but the surgery was the result of getting healthy and putting your body back together again. I had done a lot of damage to my skin by being overweight. I think your children seeing you eat healthy and being active vs. saying I'm a size whatever, will go a long, long way!!
Gracie150
Now if I could just get better and get back to being active to be a good example it would be a wonderful thing!!
Thanks and I hope you are feeling well!
Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.
RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!
*6.5 lost preop
5'6" Start-276 Goal-150 Weight loss Preop=5 Month 1=25 Month 2=10 Month 3=14 Month 4=3 Month 5=7 Month 6=9 Month 7=7 Month 8=7 Month 9=9 Month 10=7 Month 11=5 Month 12=5 Month 13=3 Month 14=4 
I got stuck at 1/2 a decade of breastfeeding!! That is A LOT of breastfeeding!! And I thought my two years was a long time!! LOL!
My kids call my arm skin their "flubby". I will say to them that is why they should be sure to eat well and exercise and not have to deal with what mommy did, but regardless I love them.
No one said parenting would be easy!! It is important to be honest with them. They are perceptive little things!!
Check out my blog--menumealplanning.com. Tales of making meal planning managable, family fodder, and everything else under the sun.
RNY 2/3/09, LBL/BL w/Augmentation 9/16/11
Start weight: 335 Current weight: 185 Goal weight: Whatever the hell I can maintain without driving myself insane!
*6.5 lost preop
They never really asked how come I did what I did but seemed to understand, especially since the oldest one is dumb as a rock, and is an embarrassment. The youngest never knew the difference but just wants constant attention and whines all the time. I have days where i just muzzle him so he'll be quiet and leave me alone.
For those reading this thinking I am a cruel father. THIS IS A JOKE. Just meant to be a laugh and I was referring to the dogs in my sig pic. Whom I love very much and would never really talk about them like that in real life.
Back me up here Denise.
Bubbzz
