Struggling with feeling like this isn't my body

Gals, I totally didn't expect this but I'm feeling like the boobs and flat tummy aren't really mine. I don't know how to explain it. I alternate between loving them and feeling fake, like I'm not me any more. For some reason, I just didn't expect this at all. is it just a phase? Did anyone else struggle with this?

I had no problem, aside from deliberating over implant size, with planning the surgery and I've been really open with everyone about it (I figured I'd rather have people talk to me when they see what's changed than talk about me). I thought there was just upside. But I kind of pride myself on being an "I am what I am" kind of person and it's made me feel not authentic or true to myself for some reason. And it's just taken my totally by surprise.

I went tonight and looked at my before photos and can see what a real change it is ('cept for those dang legs but that's next year). I didn't hate how I looked and could have stayed that way but felt I wanted to be the best I could be given how hard it was to get to this weight. So I don't wish I had my flat little A's back or the lumpy tummy. Just want to figure out how I can think through accepting how I am now. It's not quite two weeks since surgery so I'm guessing this is a common phase but it would be nice to know others have felt this way.

Any thoughts appreciated as usual...

 It's interesting because I felt a bit similarly in some ways but it was before my surgery and it was kind of turned the other way. I felt like I was 'lying' because I looked a certain way when I was wearing clothes but nobody had a clue what I was hiding underneath. My inner concept of what I felt my body was supposed to look like didn't fit with what I saw in the mirror. I think I can really empathize with transgendered individuals because it's much the same with them. I really hated some parts of my body so much (my stomach, my breasts) that I mentally detached those parts from my body and thought of them not as "me" but more as parasitic growths, constant reminders of the person I hate most in the whole world, Fat Lizzy. 

What you're going through isn't the same as what I've gone through because you don't have that deep-seated vitriol for your body (teach me your secret!). You're a lot more emotionally stable and have more years of wisdom under your belt. I very much envy your levelheadedness, you just seem to see what the point is and plow on forward without getting dragged down by neurotic little detours of panic/paranoia/what-ifs, which only cause mental anguish anyway.  

But that doesn't mean that you haven't taken little sips of poison that media and society like to dole out, judgments and cliches and presumptions and connotations. In my opinion you seem like you have a good idea of what your identity is and where your place is in the world. But when you're used to feeling secure in yourself it can be harder to admit that you've internalized things that others or the media have perpetuated. It can almost be a point of individualist pride, and admitting that this is something that isn't necessarily (or doesn't have to be) YOUR issue might be difficult. 

Plastic surgery is a subject that's heavily laden with a lot of public judgment. Can anyone honestly tell me they've NEVER looked at a women with an obvious boob job and smugly said to themselves "Wow look at her boob job!" and felt a little bit superior because she couldn't fool you, you saw right through her deception. Even if she had freely admitted to the world "Yes I had a boob job!" you'd still feel like you were holding that above her. Magazines and websites and talkshows are constantly criticising people for alleged plastic surgeries, and it's because as a society we have learned that it's much easier to lift yourself up by putting others down than it is to just accept who you are. When people get plastic surgery, others can find it threatening because they see the implied statement as "I'm trying to be better than you, get an advantage that you don't have or can't achieve, I'm cheating". 

I think that your feelings of being 'inauthentic' are stemming from a conflict between the part of you that might still subscribe to these commonly-held feelings about plastic surgery (even though you logically know better! Your emotional brain can still hold on), and the part of you that is comfortable in being you. It's called cognitive dissonance in the field of psychology, when a person feels discomfort because they are holding onto two beliefs which conflict with each other. I'm sure you already recognize what I'm describing and could have come up with it yourself if you wanted to sit down and type it all out (I'm not working and have all the time in the WORLD right now). But oftentimes, especially when we're uncomfortable about something, we avoid thinking it out in detail because hello, it's stressful. Sometimes I feel bad and don't know why, or have a general idea, but only when I talk it out with someone do I realize the scope and exact nature of my problem 

You say that you really value yourself for your openness and your "what you see is what you get" kind of attitude. And the notion of plastic surgery, at least in the court of public opinion, is construed to be the polar opposite of that. It doesn't have to be, but that's the message we get. I think it's really healthy that you're openly discussing your surgeries with people because it goes along with your self described values system and takes away some of peoples' power to judge you. But are you still judging yourself in their court? Even subconsciously? Just a little bit? YOU know that you like your new body and you like who you are. But you don't know that everyone else does, and you don't know what people are secretly thinking, or if they're judging you the same way they judge the celebs on the magazine covers. That's shaky ground. 

It's of course totally natural for us all to do it because it's what we do as humans. We operate based on the same set of social norms. Or try to, anyway. But when it becomes problematic and causes dissonance, you've got to ferret out which ideas are conflicting and decide which ones you're going to nurture and which ones you're going to try to stamp out. You might have a really tiny voice that's whispering things you don't even realize you're hearing, until you pay attention. 

There are generally 3 ways to reduce cognitive dissonance: 
-focus on more supportive beliefs that outweigh the dissonant behavior
-reduce the importance of the conflicting belief
-change the conflicting belief so that it is consistent with other beliefs or behaviors. 

I still struggle with this myself and I don't live in your head so how this would be accomplished, I don't know. I think that pinpointing and defining your problem is more than half the battle though. 

Now it could be that I've misconstrued the description of your quandary and have just picked through the wrong psychoanalytical trash-heap. But it was an interesting exercise in thought. 

There are all sorts of things you can do to "get in touch with your body" like rub yourself thoughtfully with lotion, get a massage, meditate, do yoga, eat a psychedelic mushroom and roll down a grassy knoll, give yourself a wheatgrass enema, mostly stuff you'd hear about from people who smell like patchouli and have questionable hygiene. Let me know if any of those end up being helpful to you. 

You're struggling with feelings that aren't unique, they're a consequence of living in the society we live in. I feel it. I'm sure everyone else on the boards here feels it too. 

I'm thinking of you, and can't wait to see your tiny little waist! 

Lizzy,
What a fantastic response. I too struggle with being fake, and I am not there yet. But nerves will do funny things to us.
I am lucky, I am having surgery and then moving 300 miles away and starting a new jo a month later, so most people will not know anything if they do.
I really appreciate your response!!

sometmes when im walking around in a bra and undies i catch myself in the mirror and am like 'who the heck is that!'..like my mind hasnt caught up that i have the slightly rockin bod with a new tummy and perky breasts.

as far as im concerned, that tummy is mine. i worked hard to get it. all they did was take off the loose skin over it. and the boobs, well its what they looked like before i gained and lost weight..so im slowly starting to 'own' that body..

i gotta say, when i get dressed up and put on a skin tight dress, and say to myself 'this should be illegal!' its pretty darn nice, also a bit of a mind trip.

enjoy your new playground!