This week's indignities: nipple shields, angry areolas, vaginal yeast cream
Hello friends.
Here I am, in my sumptuous leather recliner. Topless of course, newly nipped/tucked/lifted/enhanced breasts thrust skyward, exposed proudly to one and all (my exhasperated roommate, my cat, and my neighbors who have a view into my living room window). I have a cup of mint chocolate chip ice cream, there is a tawdry Lifetime movie playing on the tv (are ALL of them about teachers seducing students or vice versa?), and I have just finished rubbing safeway brand vaginal cream on my areolas.
This is my life.
I'm progressing slowly (sloooowly) but steadily on the breastal front. I am still fatigued and let myself get cranky if I don't get a nap in each morning right after I wake up. This is probably not actually surgery related anymore, I think my body just remembers what it was like to be fat, tired, and out of shape so it's reliving the good old days. It might be the valium too but I'm not willing to give up my evening chewables quite yet. My breast implants are being very slow to drop, the pec muscle needs to relax enough to let them fall all the way down into my breast. But it's not happening very quickly. I watched a gross youtube video on lymphatic breast massage last night and worked on my armpits (which are currently filled with boob) for a little while, to my surprise my right breast actually dropped a little bit by this morning. I still look freakishly muscular, it would be cool except for the fact that I'm barely strong enough to button my pants after they've been in the dryer.
I have another month or two before my breasts get a more natural shape, I'm told. IF they do. The post-op bleeding in the left breast has my surgeon worried, but he says we'll just have to wait and see. There's a big lump of old blood in the breast that's pushing the implant out to the side so my cleavage is lopsided. He assured me that it's a very straightforward revision if needed, just go back in, snip out the scar tissue, and tug the implant back into place. But it might just heal up ok on its own. Either way, things'll work out.
I'm supremely perplexed by the differences in my nipples. Righty is flat and pepperoni colored, and asleep most of the time (as in, lays flat, doesn't get erect. I'm still hypersensitive though). Lefty on the other hand is albino pale, constantly on high-beams, and the areola looks downright obese, it looks like a marshmallow that's been put in the microwave, tethered tenuously to my frankenboob by a leash of dissolvable sutures. Which, by the way, my breasts are rejecting. All along the incisions there are these little clear pokey things starting to work their way out, they look and feel like delicate little fish bones. They're pieces of surgical thread. My body is too lazy to dissolve them so they're getting pushed out instead. Doesn't hurt but it's, again, perplexing.
I bought a pair of thin silicone nipple shields, the kind nursing mothers use. They really help keep me from getting overstimulated (mind out of the gutter, I mean that entirely physically!.... mostly) from the rubbing of my nipples on my shirt, since I'm not healed enough to wear a bra yet. I've been wearing them nonstop for 3 days and have loved them. However, this morning I was dismayed to notice a red plaque-like rash developing on both nipples. Not splotchy or pimply, but solid with definite boundaries. A little itchy and painful. I immediately took pictures on my phone and texted them to my sister, whose job it is to look at boobs and vaginas all day. She diagnosed it as a topical yeast infection. She sees it all the time in nursing mothers who use the nipple shields. Yeast thrives in the warm, moist environment created by the covering. Colonizes the nipple the way Columbus stole the Americas. Treatment: Monistat. Vaginal cream.
Thusly I found myself strolling the aisles of Safeway at 10pm this evening, dressed in my incognito "I certainly don't have a dirty secret in my vagina" outfit (brother's dumpy sweatshirt, sweatpants, athletic sneakers). You can't just go straight to the feminine products aisle and make a beeline for the coochie cream. It's something that has to be finessed. So I made my way through a few other aisles first. Family size can cream of mushroom soup. Package of cremini mushrooms. Fungus is a logical lead-in to yeast. 6 pound rump roast. Sara Lee brownie mix (strictly for roommate). 6 pints of ice cream because it was buy 5 get 1 free. (again strictly for roommate). I finally lurched around the corner to the feminine products aisle.
CR@P. There was a woman crouched right in front of the "family planning" section, cradling a large bottle of red wine. I casually rolled past her and scanned the shelves. Tampons tampons tampons maxi pads pantyliners incontinence pads with wings pastel boxes with swirls flowers and outlines of lithe young women at the peak of fertility. I looped back and saw that the woman was, indeed, surveying the very product I'd come for (why is monistat in the family planning section?). My yeasty compatriot was agonizing at length over the ingredients of the various vaginal creams while I waited anxiously, watching my ice cream melt and feeling my nipples itch accusingly.
I finally decided that there was very little dignity to be had. I charged forward, saying "Excuse me, I just need to grab the vag cream right there. I have a yeast infection on my nipples." She was immediately sympathetic and said "Oh, breastfeeding?" --"No, boob job." --"Congratulations!" --"Thanks." Can we also talk about what a HUGE ripoff vagina cream is? $13 for the arduous 7 day treatment, but if you're willing to shell out the big bux ($20) you can rid yourself of crotch rot in as little as 1-3 days. I ended up with the cheapest off-brand cream, which still felt like being robbed. Top that off with the fact that I felt traumatized by just having it in my basket so I of course had to fill my basked with other things to hide the box, so I ended up buying $50 worth of other groceries.
Which brings me to the present moment. I have judiciously applied a schmear of miconazole nitrate vaginal cream (2%) to both areolas. Three times. The stuff dries quickly or gets sucked up, I don't know, but if I can't see it glistening on my flesh I feel like it's not working so I have to apply more. I will make up for the ice cream consumed tonight by subsisting on shame and cabbage tomorrow.
My friends have been a lifesaver throughout all this. Complications suck. And you guys on the board here especially have been exceptionally thoughtful and encouraging. Thanks for all your kind words and reassurances. You understand exactly what I've been through and why I have to do all this (unlike many of my real life friends, who don't have to deal with the body issues that accompany massive weight loss).
I'm chugging on. Watching my boobs like a pot of water waiting to boil. Eagerly anticipating my TT in 3 weeks. And now religiously rubbing my nipples with cheap vagina cream.
Cheers to that!
xoxo
Lizzy
Here I am, in my sumptuous leather recliner. Topless of course, newly nipped/tucked/lifted/enhanced breasts thrust skyward, exposed proudly to one and all (my exhasperated roommate, my cat, and my neighbors who have a view into my living room window). I have a cup of mint chocolate chip ice cream, there is a tawdry Lifetime movie playing on the tv (are ALL of them about teachers seducing students or vice versa?), and I have just finished rubbing safeway brand vaginal cream on my areolas.
This is my life.
I'm progressing slowly (sloooowly) but steadily on the breastal front. I am still fatigued and let myself get cranky if I don't get a nap in each morning right after I wake up. This is probably not actually surgery related anymore, I think my body just remembers what it was like to be fat, tired, and out of shape so it's reliving the good old days. It might be the valium too but I'm not willing to give up my evening chewables quite yet. My breast implants are being very slow to drop, the pec muscle needs to relax enough to let them fall all the way down into my breast. But it's not happening very quickly. I watched a gross youtube video on lymphatic breast massage last night and worked on my armpits (which are currently filled with boob) for a little while, to my surprise my right breast actually dropped a little bit by this morning. I still look freakishly muscular, it would be cool except for the fact that I'm barely strong enough to button my pants after they've been in the dryer.
I have another month or two before my breasts get a more natural shape, I'm told. IF they do. The post-op bleeding in the left breast has my surgeon worried, but he says we'll just have to wait and see. There's a big lump of old blood in the breast that's pushing the implant out to the side so my cleavage is lopsided. He assured me that it's a very straightforward revision if needed, just go back in, snip out the scar tissue, and tug the implant back into place. But it might just heal up ok on its own. Either way, things'll work out.
I'm supremely perplexed by the differences in my nipples. Righty is flat and pepperoni colored, and asleep most of the time (as in, lays flat, doesn't get erect. I'm still hypersensitive though). Lefty on the other hand is albino pale, constantly on high-beams, and the areola looks downright obese, it looks like a marshmallow that's been put in the microwave, tethered tenuously to my frankenboob by a leash of dissolvable sutures. Which, by the way, my breasts are rejecting. All along the incisions there are these little clear pokey things starting to work their way out, they look and feel like delicate little fish bones. They're pieces of surgical thread. My body is too lazy to dissolve them so they're getting pushed out instead. Doesn't hurt but it's, again, perplexing.
I bought a pair of thin silicone nipple shields, the kind nursing mothers use. They really help keep me from getting overstimulated (mind out of the gutter, I mean that entirely physically!.... mostly) from the rubbing of my nipples on my shirt, since I'm not healed enough to wear a bra yet. I've been wearing them nonstop for 3 days and have loved them. However, this morning I was dismayed to notice a red plaque-like rash developing on both nipples. Not splotchy or pimply, but solid with definite boundaries. A little itchy and painful. I immediately took pictures on my phone and texted them to my sister, whose job it is to look at boobs and vaginas all day. She diagnosed it as a topical yeast infection. She sees it all the time in nursing mothers who use the nipple shields. Yeast thrives in the warm, moist environment created by the covering. Colonizes the nipple the way Columbus stole the Americas. Treatment: Monistat. Vaginal cream.
Thusly I found myself strolling the aisles of Safeway at 10pm this evening, dressed in my incognito "I certainly don't have a dirty secret in my vagina" outfit (brother's dumpy sweatshirt, sweatpants, athletic sneakers). You can't just go straight to the feminine products aisle and make a beeline for the coochie cream. It's something that has to be finessed. So I made my way through a few other aisles first. Family size can cream of mushroom soup. Package of cremini mushrooms. Fungus is a logical lead-in to yeast. 6 pound rump roast. Sara Lee brownie mix (strictly for roommate). 6 pints of ice cream because it was buy 5 get 1 free. (again strictly for roommate). I finally lurched around the corner to the feminine products aisle.
CR@P. There was a woman crouched right in front of the "family planning" section, cradling a large bottle of red wine. I casually rolled past her and scanned the shelves. Tampons tampons tampons maxi pads pantyliners incontinence pads with wings pastel boxes with swirls flowers and outlines of lithe young women at the peak of fertility. I looped back and saw that the woman was, indeed, surveying the very product I'd come for (why is monistat in the family planning section?). My yeasty compatriot was agonizing at length over the ingredients of the various vaginal creams while I waited anxiously, watching my ice cream melt and feeling my nipples itch accusingly.
I finally decided that there was very little dignity to be had. I charged forward, saying "Excuse me, I just need to grab the vag cream right there. I have a yeast infection on my nipples." She was immediately sympathetic and said "Oh, breastfeeding?" --"No, boob job." --"Congratulations!" --"Thanks." Can we also talk about what a HUGE ripoff vagina cream is? $13 for the arduous 7 day treatment, but if you're willing to shell out the big bux ($20) you can rid yourself of crotch rot in as little as 1-3 days. I ended up with the cheapest off-brand cream, which still felt like being robbed. Top that off with the fact that I felt traumatized by just having it in my basket so I of course had to fill my basked with other things to hide the box, so I ended up buying $50 worth of other groceries.
Which brings me to the present moment. I have judiciously applied a schmear of miconazole nitrate vaginal cream (2%) to both areolas. Three times. The stuff dries quickly or gets sucked up, I don't know, but if I can't see it glistening on my flesh I feel like it's not working so I have to apply more. I will make up for the ice cream consumed tonight by subsisting on shame and cabbage tomorrow.
My friends have been a lifesaver throughout all this. Complications suck. And you guys on the board here especially have been exceptionally thoughtful and encouraging. Thanks for all your kind words and reassurances. You understand exactly what I've been through and why I have to do all this (unlike many of my real life friends, who don't have to deal with the body issues that accompany massive weight loss).
I'm chugging on. Watching my boobs like a pot of water waiting to boil. Eagerly anticipating my TT in 3 weeks. And now religiously rubbing my nipples with cheap vagina cream.
Cheers to that!
xoxo
Lizzy
"The greatest challenge to any thinker is stating the problem in a way that will allow a solution." -Bertrand Russell
5'9 HW: 297 GW: 160 CW: 161
5'9 HW: 297 GW: 160 CW: 161
OMG! Thanks for the laughs. Though you are making me a bit more nervous for my boob job next month. Especially since I'm getting my arms done at the same time and my husband (read less than helpful) is going to be taking care of me. He would not go buy me vag cream under any cur****tances. Keep blogging, I love these!
Kate
You poor thing.. I hope it gets better really fast.. I breast fed my son never had the yeast thing though.. but then I didnt use the silicone shield. I used the disposable nursing pads or an always pad cut in half and inside my nursing bra.. or when at home a small wash cloth in each cup...
Can you eat yogurt? will that help?
Can you eat yogurt? will that help?
OMG Lizzy. You are so funny.
Not laughing at your misfortune but your post made me LOL.
You poor thing.
At least you can keep your sense of humor.
This too shall pass.
Not laughing at your misfortune but your post made me LOL.
You poor thing.
At least you can keep your sense of humor.
This too shall pass.
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. " -- Anais Nin
Revised from Band to Bypass 10/26/09
High Wt 355/ Surgery Wt 343 (BMI 61) / Current Wt 190 on 3/17/12
TT/Fleur De Lis 8/22/11
Mastopexy and Brachioplasty 12/14/11
Revised from Band to Bypass 10/26/09
High Wt 355/ Surgery Wt 343 (BMI 61) / Current Wt 190 on 3/17/12
TT/Fleur De Lis 8/22/11
Mastopexy and Brachioplasty 12/14/11
You're hillarious Lizzy! The good news here is (I know, how the heck do I find good news?) that if they give you antibiotics post TT, you'll have the vag cream in case you get the itches. At 61 I haven't traversed that aisle at Safeway in a very long time. Thanks for the tips!
Many years ago, I walked in on a roommate (well it was in the living room on the couch!) spooning plain yogurt into her vag to try to combat a yeast itch. It was pretty hillarious!
I think I'll find a good homeopathic remedy in case I need something post-op after having my body sliced and diced.
Maybe there's some great movies on today? Here's hoping. Take good care of yourself!
Many years ago, I walked in on a roommate (well it was in the living room on the couch!) spooning plain yogurt into her vag to try to combat a yeast itch. It was pretty hillarious!
I think I'll find a good homeopathic remedy in case I need something post-op after having my body sliced and diced.
Maybe there's some great movies on today? Here's hoping. Take good care of yourself!
HW: 249 SW: 229 GW: 149 Age: 63 - Body by Sauceda - 12/2011
I love your post! I am so sorry you are having such trouble, but in our position a great sense of humor is a must have!
I saved about 15 Lifetime movies to watch during my down time. Hubby got made that I watched some without him!
Hang in there!
The best is yet to come!
Gail
I saved about 15 Lifetime movies to watch during my down time. Hubby got made that I watched some without him!
Hang in there!
The best is yet to come!
Gail
9/2008 - Sleeve - Lost 100 lbs!
9/2011 - Lower Body Lift - Lost 8 lbs of skin and fat!
Bahahaha! I actually laughed out loud at this. Hubby said, "What's so funny?!" Oh where to start? So I just waved him away and tried to keep my giggling down. I hope your itchy boobs give you a break!
5'6" Start-276 Goal-150 Weight loss Preop=5 Month 1=25 Month 2=10 Month 3=14 Month 4=3 Month 5=7 Month 6=9 Month 7=7 Month 8=7 Month 9=9 Month 10=7 Month 11=5 Month 12=5 Month 13=3 Month 14=4 
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