naked in front of the doctor...anxiety

I really need some help here...As I said before on here I am setting up consultations for a tummy tuck and breast lift/implants.  I have 3 scheduled for late June.  My big problem though with all of this is:  I am already stressing out and have alot of anxiety attacks thinking about all of this. When I was 6 my dad committed suicide, then when my mom got remarried I was molested by my step dad for 12 long years, he told me not to say anything or there would be trouble.  I have been married 3 times, the first 2 were very abusive and did drugs and were alcoholics.  I am still married to my 3rd husband, he's my rock and soul mate, my best friend.  He is the only good thing that I have ever had in my entire life besides my 3 wonderful kids.  With all the problems I had in my life I sheltered myself and I have severe depression and anxiety and very lowwww self esteem.  I got fat because food was my comfort.  I don't know how to handle the happiness that I am feeling finally the last 10 years of my life.  My husband and I have a wonderful marriage and an awesome sex life.  I am tired of hiding my body from him, I hate myself and I hate the way I look and I know it's all from being molested...I feel dirty when I am enjoying sex with my husband and I know I shouldnt feel that way.  Now that I lost weight and look good except all the skin I really want to let go of my past experiences and move forward.  As I said we have GREAT sex but I have to have the entire place pinch black, no lights at all and my husband of 10 years has never seen my body and I truly want to change that.  I am extremely freaking out about going to the consultations because I have NO idea how I can stand there in front of a man doctor with NO clothes on.  Yes I know he is used to seeing big women and he's professional but that still doesnt make it any easier for me to be able to do it.  My poor husband wants so bad to join me in the consultation but I don't want him seeing me for the first time with lights on the way I look.  I said you can see my body when it's all done being worked on and then I can show you the before pics....he doesnt like that I won't allow him to be part of this with me and I know he should but I know I cant and right now I keep finding myself trying to talk myself out of going to the consultations because of being naked, yes I was naked when I had all my other surgeries but I was knocked out.  Someone please help me and give me some suggestions to work on my problems so I can continue being happy in my life for once.  (I did try going to counselors to talk about my past but I was never comfortable and I felt they didnt understand).....thanks for listening :)

Honestly, I think you need to consider counseling again. If you aren't comfortable with that counselor, find a different one.

The problems you describe aren't ones that a few words from strangers on a chat board can fix. And they won't be fixed overnight.

A few things about what you said worry me. At your weight you aren't a "big girl". But, like many of us, you probably still see yourself that way. And you need to deal with that before plastics IMHO.

also - you kind of implied that you feel that by removing the skin, all the other bad stuff that has happened to you will suddenly be in the past. You know that's not true, right? What happens when you have the surgery and you still won't let your husband see you naked? Because the other stuff won't go away...

I think you need to work with a professional and get help to feel comfortable being naked in front of the man you know and love. And THEN go for plastics consults with him there to support you.

{{hugs}}

Oh, Sweetie, I feel your pain.   Erica FG gave you some really good advice.  Having said that, when the PS bug bites, sometimes folks just don't want to put it off!!!!!

Possible ideas to make this easier, if you won't delay PS while you get more counseling:
*a female surgeon
*your DH could be in attendance during the consultation, but during the exam, you and the doc
could be be behind a screen or curtain.  That way he'd be within ear shot, but not see you in those bright lights.
*A trusted female friend could accompany you to the consultation.

Whatever you choose to do, I hope you get the results you want, the help you need and the peace and happiness you deserve. 

I conquer with all the previous posters.....if you don't want your husband to accompany you......mine did and I hav been anked in front of many different doctors....young, old, cute, and the like and as I got older I just didn't care what they saw because I am sure they have saw it all...


I laugh at my excess skin....I am in a settled marriage and my kids see me jiggle all the time...for immdiate relief I would see my PCP and ask for some Xanax or other anti-anxiety meds.....It will take the edge off immediately and calm you to get through the appt. with ease and may help in the bedroom also and with your hubby going with you to your consult.

There is a book called "courage to heal" it has a workbook with it. It did wonders for me.  You may also want to try counseling but working your way through this book does miracles.  IMHO

Maybe request that a female nurse stay in the room with you? Or a very good female friend?

I agree with the others about counseling.  Losing weight and having PS has not solved all my problems but I am much happier with my body.  My DH mentioned the other day how much happier I seem and the $$ was all worth it. 

My consult was not done with me naked.  I had a tt and arm lift.  Yes, right before surgery the PS came in and I was naked for about 60 seconds while he marked me up and I just went to my "happy place".  Since then I have not been naked in front of my PS.  When I have gone in for check ups I have been mostly covered up.  The last time I went in I kept all my clothes on (for my 4 month follow up).

Maybe they can mark up your body in a discrete manner - I think you have to be standing, so they can't do it while you are asleep.  I asked for some versed before surgery so that the anxiety was gone.  I think if you share your fears and anxieties with the PS they will work with you to make you as comfortable as possible.

good luck!
Amelia

I have to agree with everyone else that some therapy would help you get ready.

Maybe some exercises to help with the anxiety?

A dr/patient relationship, esp plastics, is intimate.
My doc has seen me naked except for a paper thong for 2 appts already.
I have had about 40 pics taken of me for submission to insurance.
There were 2 residents in the room as well as a nurse.
His hands were all over...pullin this and that, measuring things...ugh.

Not ideal but I do what I have to do get to the end.
My plastics have been approved.
My pre-op appt is in July...more paper thong pics will be taken.

You can do this. Get some help.

i completely understand where you are coming from as i have a similar background in some aspects. i have a really good relationship with my therapist and yet we still seem to be getting nowhere with therapy as it pertains to how i feel about the excess skin.  i just had my first plastics appointment . the whole time of course the dr is staring at me and touching my extra skin to take some measurement. i knew i would be a wreck before hand and made sure to take  my antianxiety meds about an hour before the appointment. as far as your husband being there.... take him with you. go into the EXAM by yourself and then have him called back afterward to be with you while the dr talks about the specifics of the procedures. you did say 1 thing that concerns even me. it seems as if you still consider yourself a big woman. if your ticker is correct and you weigh 140 lbs then you definitely are not a big woman. i would say some counseling would be a good idea to work past the that thought. i may take several tries but you really should keep trying till you find someone you can be comfortable with. i wish you the best of luck.

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I would like to echo getting therapy.  Perhaps trauma model therapy with a PhD.  It gets better, with alot of work.  But it can.  Promise. 

A good resource for finding a therapist is www.psychologytoday.com
They have a search engine.  PM me if you want other resources on finding a trauma therapist.

And you might want to put your PS plans on hold a bit.  If you use up all your strength to get through and just do it...you may re-traumatize yourself.

And just as a note, and it is my personal thing because not everyone will experience this, I saw Dr Lomonaco (houston, tx) and some how was really comfortable naked around him where I felt like I was going to die from a panic attack around another doctor.

And two big thumbs up to you for coming here and being so open and honest about an issue that is sure to be on many people's minds but they might be too afraid to bring it up.