depressed

    I have been at goal for over a year now and I still think of my body as hideous!  I thought being skinner would make me happy. HAAAA HAAAA what  a joke! I am disgusted when I look in the mirror. I see all the extra skin and know I cant afford plastic surgery.  My family had lost everything we owned in a natural disaster. We are trying to get back on our feet financially. We are maxed to our limit with bills. I cry all the time!! I want to be normal just one day in my life. I was over weight my whole life until after my RNY. I finally have a normal BMI and I am still sickened when I look at myself. The thought of having someone else look at me naked scares me. I make my husband have the lights off. However when he reaches to grab what use to be more then a hand full of boob that is now an empty tube sock I start crying. I dont want to be perfect I just want to look somewhat normal.  I never expected a perfect 10 body but I never imagined I would look this gross either. I went through 6 months of counseling and learned what to eat to stay healthy but mentally there is no counseling that can prepare you for this.

what to do???????

First of all, I think many of us can empathize with you. I remember when I first started losing weight, the thought never entered my mind that I would be wanting plastics. I was happy with my thinner body, but the skin really did begin to bother me, particularly after I started working out heavily.

I am going to be honest with you. I always thought once I lost weight and had a lbl, I'd be satisfied with my body.

Now that I've reached goal weight and had some ps, I'm still wanting my body to look better.
 
I had to deal with myself very strongly. I have a husband who loved me before I lost weight, who loved me before I had ps, and who loves me now that I've had some. I have a HEALTHY body, even though it doesn't look *perfect*. It never will, even if I have all the ps in the world.

I do wish you could have those parts of you taken care of that bother you. I'm learning to focus on the being the best me I can be in my body, imperfect looking as it is. I have a friend fighting cancer right now who I'm sure would love to trade her cancer ridden body for a healthy body, even with unattractive boobs and saggy skin.

It's a hard talk i had to give to myself, but one that's made me ultimately much happier in the long run. Find the things about your body you can be thankful for. It woke up with you this morning, ready to do, to the best of its ability, what you want it to do. It's carrying you through this life, allowing you to have a strong family that perseveres.

I know you already know all this, but sometimes seeing it in writing helps it to sink in. All the best to you!

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU SHELLYMOR!!!!!

I had Rny almost 7 years ago. (7 yr anniversary on 8/9/11).  I've lost approximately 180 pounds, and that's A LOT of weight for my 5'3" frame.  I was more interested in getting rid of all of my co-morbidities because I wanted to live a longer and healthier life in my future .  I must admit that the extra skin bothered me somewhat, but I always felt that the "trade-off" was a much better deal for me - better health vs. extra skin!

 My insurance company did approve a panniculectomy and brachioplasty because of the serious skin issues I had.  With those two situations taken care of, I feel somewhat better.  I've found that the insurance companies will take care of some things, but not others.  So I decided to accept what they would allow me, because I did not have the finances to go beyond that.  Do I have a beautiful flat tummy that the results of a full Tummy Tuck gives?  NO!  I have a pouchy tummy with a little muffin top.  BUT, I'll take it.  Did my brachioplasty turn out perfect like so many that I see on here?  NO!  I still have one quite large upper arm and one smaller arm, with more possible revisions to come - unfortunately.  Even with plastics, it's not a guaranteed promise to make the body perfect.  BUT it's still better than it was.

I mentioned my situations because after reading your post this morning, I couldn't have recieved better encouragement about how blessed I truly am.  I too have a friend fighting cancer right now, and I know that what I would complain about regarding my body, would be so insignificant in comparison to what he's dealing with.  I would NEVER minimize what anyone is feeling about their body, and I do understand totally - I've been there.  We each have to live in our own bodies.  However, it's very humbling to know that I'm already in a very blessed place - even with the extra skin, and the not so "perfect" looking body!

Thank you again Shellymor for your encouraging response.  I'm going to print it out and keep it close to remind me in the future that I'm truly in a very good place!  :)  At 7 years post-op, I haven't gained any of the weight back and I'm so grateful for that!  Hallelujah!!! :)

Blessings to All,
Rose

Wow- Rose- you really made my day! And, you're right- I would never, ever diminish the feelings described herein because I certainly have been there, done that. And a big congratulations on you getting your weight off and keeping it off. I think maintenance is so much harder than the initial weight loss. You are an inspiration!

Thanks Shelly.  Even this far out (and I think more so), we still need encouragement.  And a big YES to "maintenance is so much harder" at times.  The cravings can still give you a good "haunt".  Whew!  :) 

I must say that I am proud of myself for maintaining so well, and I do hope the same for all who are on this journey!  We must stick together - and for whoever said this was the easy way out....uhm...they didn't have it done! LOL!

I do continue to encourage those who truly are having serious problems with their body image after loosing the weight.  We do understand!  I don't believe prior to my surgery, I viewed many of the before and afters pictures, so I didn't have the full concept of the "afters".  However, I'm totally esctatic about my better health quality, and for me that more than makes up for the other issues.  :)

God bless you,
Rose

I'm so sorry, and I don't really have any advice.  I always had some sag from developing breasts at the age of nine, and crash-dieting (anorexia) and regaining (binge-eating), and I thought that I would be able to deal with it at a healthy weight, but I also experience the nauseated feeling when looking at myself in the mirror.  It's so hard, because I'm only 25 and I'm trying to date and live a normal life.  I just feel like others don't understand the way I feel about it, and they dismiss my feelings: "I'm sure you're fine."  I almost felt vindicated when my sister who had all along said I was fine and was very against plastics finally saw me without a shirt on and said that yes, she completely supported me and felt I should get some reconstructive surgery just to feel normal.  I just want to be "normal!"

my suggestion would be that if you have insurance and are having pain from heaviness of excess skin and rashes or constant irritation document with your PCP, get a letter of medical necessity and you may be able to get some areas covered...

most frequently approved are panniculectomy, breast reduction, thighplasty and sometimes arms in extreme cases.  consult with a PS that accepts insurance and get photos taken and maybe you can get some of the issues addressed

but remember you will still have scars both physical and  emotional to accept of the outcome!

I'm so sorry that u feel this way. I can honestly say that I have been there. I was not prepared for what I looked like after i lost 146lbs. But my family offered me so much support. My husband and my kids have been god sent. When u wrote I want to be normal just one day in mu life , it brought tears to  my eyes. You r normal. I am praying that god give u some kinda piece becaues it can truelly be overwhelming.

Thanks for all the kind words. I know there are people in much worse situations then mine. I should be happy with who I am but when I look in the mirror all I want to do is cry. If I could afford plastic surgery I would have it done without a second thought.  I may be able to get my insurance to cover a panni but I know I woulnt be happy with that without having my boobs and arms done. I want to have everything done in one surgery. I lost my dad to VRE that he got while being in the hospital after sugery. I only want to risk being in the hospital one time. I am not going to give up. I am busting my butt to pay bills and if I ever catch up I will stash every dollar I can to go this done.