Guilt

I thought about posting this on the MENTAL board but came here instead. I've been the caretaker of my mother for several yrs now even though she still lives by herself. I live over an hour away from her. I have siblings in her vicinity. Have been looking at aug 10th for a lbl. But, I can't depend on my siblings to help out. I feel so guilty for wanting to take this time for ME! My DH told me I needed to do something for myself instead of others now. But I couldn't even make myself call to schedule my appt. Am I CRAZY? Pam

You are not crazy at all.  Guilt and caretaking is common feelings among people who have struggled with obesity.  I actually started therapy because of similar issues and have had to come to terms iwth some real issues I have when it comes to taking care of myself.

There is nothing to feel bad for.  You arent being selfish.  You actually dont owe your mother caretaking.  Its kind of you to do it, but you dont owe it to her.  She has choices.  And she can choose to do other things to care for herself for a time while you take care of your self.  And she should want you to do this great thing for you!  If she doesnt allow you to do things to make yourself happy, there are some serious issues that need to be address, I think.

I am having a LBL and BL on Aug 10th :)

Thank you. It's just hard knowing if I'm not around what will happen. Mother was in hospital a few months ago and she would have been put in nursing home if it wasn't for me. But, I am going to call ps office Monday.
So if I do have my lbl August 10th we will be ps peers. That's good, maybe we can compare notes? Supposed to have outer thigh lipo at same time I have lbl. My ba/bl will have to wait until later, I want to get my major problem area taken care if first and foremost.'pam

 You are not crazy and should do something for yourself. I had my LBL w/lip on outer thighs eleven days ago. I can tell you I could not care for anyone yet. You will need to give yourself a couple weeks. Every caretaker needs a break. 

BTW Susie, how are you doing? I guess I need to go back and read your posts. I want to know what to expect, and who better to learn from than your peers.

You'll have to post some pics. Know I won't look near about as good as you since I'm considerably heavier. But like to see the remarkable differences in before and after pics. Hopefully, I will have curvier less bulge at hips and thighs. And lifted smaller butte'.
Pam

Thank You, I sure feel crazy. Especially torn after DH was so sweet when he said what he did. Think he feels a little like second fiddle sometimes when I'm running. I know I need to put my own needs first sometimes but it's hard.
I am going to get up Monday morning and call for appt. Hopefully August 10 will be still available. It was a few days ago. Pam

I know it's hard but you can't give 100% to anyone if YOUR tank isn't full.  It's like the flying on the plane thing they ALWAYS tell you to put YOUR mask on first before helping your children or anyone.  You LOVE your mother and she knows it period.  Just know in your spirit that she WILL be fine while you do this for you.

Oh and just because you are heavier does NOT mean you won't look at good.  You'll just look as good in a different size.  LOVE you darlin!!

Ms Shell

I Am going to call for my appt. tomorrow. My siblings will just have to work together for a change. If they screw up it will be on them, not me.

You know, sometimes it is good for others to have an "caregiver appreciation time". I used to take care of my Grandma with Alheimer's. Very difficult to do since I also have two young children, one of which is special needs. To make a long story short, all my "it's time for Grandma to have assistant living" cries went unheard until I had two weeks wherein I couldn't help Grandma. That forced my aunt to come and stay and "see with her own two eyes". Grandma was placed by the end of that week. And to really make this a bit longer--Grandma was MAD at first, but now she is happier than ever. She made friends, and gets reminded to join them for lunch, and the field trips, activities, etc. . . not to mention that now our time is more fun based instead of needs based. All that to say, take the time, enjoy the time, pray that this will be the wake up call for the others so that from here on out you and your mom will get more help. It could be the best thing that happens for all of you!

Thank you, I'm not giving up . I did decide to wait till October to get my lbl. But, that was for a variety of reasons not just my mother. I do need to get a few things off my plate. My husband will be home with me in oct. And hopefully this heat wave will be calmed down some. I've told family members That if Anything Comes Up in October they will have to handle it. It would be nice to be able to enjoy a visit with my mom. I have a special sister(40) that's now in a group home and she loves it! I'm going to send friend request to you. Hope you have a great day. Pam