Worrying about judgement re: Plastic surgery
(deactivated member)
on 4/1/10 1:42 am
on 4/1/10 1:42 am
Feeling a bit melancholy today -- perhaps it is the full moon?
Anyway, one of the many things on my mind as I come up to surgery this Monday is how I feel about being a person with breast implants and a tummy tuck. Of course there are many ways to see this. One is that -for whatever reason- I gained a huge amount of weight and made the decision to have surgery to help me in the work to get it off (already an issue for some for whatever) and then, to my chagrin, found that my body is not what it once was. the "suitcases" are empty and my tummy and tush are lower than God intended. so, surgery. You can see it as being decisive I know, taking care of things.
On the other hand I worry about the judgements-- Oh "she had implants" -- the vanity, the focus on physical, the artificiality. I guess I had always assumed it was odd to get implants given their temporary nature and the fact that there might be risks, unless one was extremely small. so I assume others might think so too.
How to explain so many scars when dating? One friend joked that I should stay I had a strategic car crash.
It's just stressful to think about all the judgements/stereotypes that will be there because I am not in a stable, long term relationship and am starting a lot of new things.
temporary pity party now adjourned.
Anyway, one of the many things on my mind as I come up to surgery this Monday is how I feel about being a person with breast implants and a tummy tuck. Of course there are many ways to see this. One is that -for whatever reason- I gained a huge amount of weight and made the decision to have surgery to help me in the work to get it off (already an issue for some for whatever) and then, to my chagrin, found that my body is not what it once was. the "suitcases" are empty and my tummy and tush are lower than God intended. so, surgery. You can see it as being decisive I know, taking care of things.
On the other hand I worry about the judgements-- Oh "she had implants" -- the vanity, the focus on physical, the artificiality. I guess I had always assumed it was odd to get implants given their temporary nature and the fact that there might be risks, unless one was extremely small. so I assume others might think so too.
How to explain so many scars when dating? One friend joked that I should stay I had a strategic car crash.
It's just stressful to think about all the judgements/stereotypes that will be there because I am not in a stable, long term relationship and am starting a lot of new things.
temporary pity party now adjourned.
Where does necessity end and vanity begin? It's a grey area for everyone. You have the insurance companies on the one extreme who will only pay for the worst situations, then you see the people who have obviously had one face lift too many.
I've been struggling with this question for a year now and can't say that I've found the answer. I know I hate to look at my body in the mirror. I hate to see what I did to my body with my food addiction. This isn't just sagging skin from natural aging, but a deformity from gaining and losing so much weight. I know it's affecting me mentally, so is PS a necessity for me, to help me feel better about myself? Yes, I believe it is, and armed with that faith, I can face petty judgements. They don't have to live with this body, they don't know what's in my mind.
Is it vanity or deformity? I continue to struggle with that but regardless of which it is, I know that I need this.
I've been struggling with this question for a year now and can't say that I've found the answer. I know I hate to look at my body in the mirror. I hate to see what I did to my body with my food addiction. This isn't just sagging skin from natural aging, but a deformity from gaining and losing so much weight. I know it's affecting me mentally, so is PS a necessity for me, to help me feel better about myself? Yes, I believe it is, and armed with that faith, I can face petty judgements. They don't have to live with this body, they don't know what's in my mind.
Is it vanity or deformity? I continue to struggle with that but regardless of which it is, I know that I need this.
(deactivated member)
on 4/1/10 3:01 am - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
on 4/1/10 3:01 am - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
Good Question!!!
I chose not to have implants for my own reasons but I did have a reduction and lift to make the girls firm/full and perky. I've also had every other procedure you can imagine.
My closets friends know that I've had a tummy tuck, had my butt lifted, had my boobs done, etc etc and everyone of them has said they are happy for me. They all say if I can afford it and am physically able to do it, why not......
My parents are more worried about my safety and think it's a bit risky and is it "really" necessary but they support it (I don't tell them about the extend of the work cause I don't want them worrying).
Personally I don't worry about what anyone will think I wanted to have the saggy/flappy skin removed from my legs....they don't see my legs swaying around when I try to exercise or floating all around in the pool......I believe if they lived in my saggy skin for one day they would be fully on board with the idea of surgery.
So far are dating and explaining the scars.....well that's a tough one. Right now I've got some red/raw scars running all up and down my body....I look like a road map at times. Scars do fade over time I do worry that if I find myself with someone new in few years how will I address it....for me it would be my hope that by the time we are at the point of having that much skin exposed he will have fallen in love the person and not just the wrapper.....my wrapper will have a few lines on it but it won't be all wrinkled...LOL
It all boils down to the decision of which we want more or like least......... saggy/wrinkled skin or tight skin with faded scars.
that's my 2 cents on it......
I chose not to have implants for my own reasons but I did have a reduction and lift to make the girls firm/full and perky. I've also had every other procedure you can imagine.
My closets friends know that I've had a tummy tuck, had my butt lifted, had my boobs done, etc etc and everyone of them has said they are happy for me. They all say if I can afford it and am physically able to do it, why not......
My parents are more worried about my safety and think it's a bit risky and is it "really" necessary but they support it (I don't tell them about the extend of the work cause I don't want them worrying).
Personally I don't worry about what anyone will think I wanted to have the saggy/flappy skin removed from my legs....they don't see my legs swaying around when I try to exercise or floating all around in the pool......I believe if they lived in my saggy skin for one day they would be fully on board with the idea of surgery.
So far are dating and explaining the scars.....well that's a tough one. Right now I've got some red/raw scars running all up and down my body....I look like a road map at times. Scars do fade over time I do worry that if I find myself with someone new in few years how will I address it....for me it would be my hope that by the time we are at the point of having that much skin exposed he will have fallen in love the person and not just the wrapper.....my wrapper will have a few lines on it but it won't be all wrinkled...LOL
It all boils down to the decision of which we want more or like least......... saggy/wrinkled skin or tight skin with faded scars.
that's my 2 cents on it......
I had the same feelings leading up to my panni, TT, and lipo. I think that's a natural reaction. I contemplated having BA but later decided against them due to the vanity issue. I am not saying that people who get implants are vain but for me personally it would have been a vanity thing.
Pre-Op 314, Surgery Day 304, Goal 165
About the dating, I met my husband 2 years after WLS with all the hangy skin and rolled belly, scars from WLS and Apendectomy, he didn't see it, he saw my heart and soul. I have been with him now for 5.5 years and had my PS 8 weeks ago, he told me I wasn't doing this for him, he loved me the way I was, I knew that ! I did this for me and how I feel about me, I was completing my journey! What a great journey it has been.
I had dated a man for about 9 months and I thought we were doing really well till I found out from my daughter that he had made a remark about my loose/baggy skin ! It hurt big time. I saw him for what I thought was inside him and saw past his physical imperfections, yes, there were some, I don't look at them as imperfections, I try to get to know the person on the inside. I guess I didn't see enough inside him to know how he felt about my physical appearance, I'm so glad he said something to my daughter so I could cut him loose quickly and not look back. I deserve and got much better, I got the best !
You deserve the best and what makes you happy ! Just remember, this is about you and how you feel. You will walk taller, feel better, and there will be a glow about you that people will see but not know why, you will know why !
I had dated a man for about 9 months and I thought we were doing really well till I found out from my daughter that he had made a remark about my loose/baggy skin ! It hurt big time. I saw him for what I thought was inside him and saw past his physical imperfections, yes, there were some, I don't look at them as imperfections, I try to get to know the person on the inside. I guess I didn't see enough inside him to know how he felt about my physical appearance, I'm so glad he said something to my daughter so I could cut him loose quickly and not look back. I deserve and got much better, I got the best !
You deserve the best and what makes you happy ! Just remember, this is about you and how you feel. You will walk taller, feel better, and there will be a glow about you that people will see but not know why, you will know why !
(deactivated member)
on 4/1/10 4:50 am - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
on 4/1/10 4:50 am - West Central FL☼RIDA , FL
Hijack - just had to say your hubby sounds like a super guy..
(deactivated member)
on 4/3/10 10:08 am
on 4/3/10 10:08 am
Sorry to hear you had to go through that with your first guy.
The one I am seeing has simply admitted to me that it "gets in his way." And, although it hurts, I don't feel it reflects badly on him necessarily --he is being honest with me and I can't say he is wrong to have that reaction. I mean it bothers me too for goodness' sake. He is still with me and supports me pursuing plastics.
The focus on the physical, though disappointing, is a reality with men -- visual beings that they are no?
One odd thing he said was that he was glad he had met me now in my journey because he knows that he loves me for me (i.e. not my perfect body) and had he met me with big boobs he would have been very very distracted. Ha. I dont know whether to be insulted or flattered. A bit of both.
The one I am seeing has simply admitted to me that it "gets in his way." And, although it hurts, I don't feel it reflects badly on him necessarily --he is being honest with me and I can't say he is wrong to have that reaction. I mean it bothers me too for goodness' sake. He is still with me and supports me pursuing plastics.
The focus on the physical, though disappointing, is a reality with men -- visual beings that they are no?
One odd thing he said was that he was glad he had met me now in my journey because he knows that he loves me for me (i.e. not my perfect body) and had he met me with big boobs he would have been very very distracted. Ha. I dont know whether to be insulted or flattered. A bit of both.
For the most part I don't care what people think. But then I went on to have an infection and subsequent surgery and home health and a wound vac so I now I worry what people think more. Sigh. I think they think I did this to myself but I had such awful skin infections under my skin folds technically enteroccucus could have come in that way. But it's hard. Mostly people are kind. I have had people ask if I got implants and didn't and I say no just a lift but I am certain 2 people dont' believe me. You know I have to remember they don't get it and not let it affect my outlook or how I view myself. I consider my PS resconstructive and not vanity.
The dating I don't know... I've been married twelve years and with ALL my scars, 2 cscections TT, boobs, sleeve, gallbladder and now this new wound scar I still look better. At some point in dating I'd be honest about it
The dating I don't know... I've been married twelve years and with ALL my scars, 2 cscections TT, boobs, sleeve, gallbladder and now this new wound scar I still look better. At some point in dating I'd be honest about it
Extended Tummy Tuck & Breast Lift W/Dr. Sauceda 12/30/2009
A wise friend on another message board said that she chose to live with the scars rather than living with the baggy skin. She wasn't ashamed that she'd been fat and she wasn't hiding it. It was a choice of scars of skin. I thought it was so wise. I am a former fat person and I chose to have scars as well. I HATED the crepey skin. I would try hiding the crepe on my arms by holding my arms at weird angles. I don't try to hide the scars. They don't bug me.
As for a new relationship, I think scars would only be a problem if you weren't honest about where you'd been on your journey in life. Trying to hide that you were formerly fat would be the only reason the scars would be something to hide. Just my opinion on that. Personally, I'm much more impressed with someone's body that has lost lots of weight and maintained a weight loss than someone that has a speedy metabolism and never had a weight problem, not that I have a problem with the person or their body, I'm just more impressed with the journey of a weight loss person because that shows how much they care about their health.
Marie
As for a new relationship, I think scars would only be a problem if you weren't honest about where you'd been on your journey in life. Trying to hide that you were formerly fat would be the only reason the scars would be something to hide. Just my opinion on that. Personally, I'm much more impressed with someone's body that has lost lots of weight and maintained a weight loss than someone that has a speedy metabolism and never had a weight problem, not that I have a problem with the person or their body, I'm just more impressed with the journey of a weight loss person because that shows how much they care about their health.
Marie
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