advice/whatever needed?

 Well then -- I think you've answered your own question!

I'm wondering if it's hard living with someone who "gaslights" you by making you doubt yourself.

Charming

yeah, I guess I did...and yes, it's very hard...thank you for using that term, I have used that in the past to try to talk to a therapist about it...and when they meet him..it's like, what, what are you talking about, he's a great guy....he definitely has a jekyll and hyde personality....

Hello to Char(2)!

Look, if you're seeing a therapist about this guy "gaslighting" you, and he responds with more gaslighting ... that's actually pretty dangerous.

I'm a big believer in listening to, and considering the concerns and issues of, one's spouse.  Really, I am.  I'm the biggest cheerleader ever, in the whole world, of respecting the anxieties of family members, really and truly.  I think it is of paramount importance, ask anyone here who has disagreed with me on that issue ... honestly.

But from my perspective, this issue has nothing whatsoever to do with obesity or reconstructive surgery.  Spousal concern/issues/finances are relevant when the significant other really is personally invested in your wellbeing.  But ... my take on this is, someone is messing with your mind in a very unhealthy, scary way.  

The only thing that anyone here knows about this issue is what YOU write.  And YOU seem to feel that this person is entirely unconcerned about YOUR welfare, and enjoys toying with you mentally.

There are a million reasons that this is a problem, and not one of them has much to do with repairing your body.  Someone who doesn't give a sh*t about you is truly capable of anything.

Char, you know what I'll say honey...F*** him.  He's been trying to undermine you from the get go...don't let him!  This is your life and by the way I want plastics too.  Does that mean we are all shallow individuals doing what we want despite the risk? I think not.  You're letting him get under your skin.

Hugs Dear,
Laura

This is totally your decision. His treatment of you -w ell you know what I think. There are risks but you have to weigh them out. There were other risks with being overweight and having the skin. My local PCP told me I had just as much chance of eventually having an infection due to my skin infections under my skin apron (it was often a thin bloody line).

You make this decision for you.