Traumatized after taking pics!
Hi lann08,
After reading your post, and I've read your previous posts over the last few days as well, I sat here for a few moments reading the repsonses and truly thinking about it all. This is the conclusion that I've come to, and I really hope that it will help you to focus on the MORE IMPORTANT issue as you wait to get your other work done.
First of all, let me say that I do understand your feelings - I'm in your same boat. However, I honestly have NEVER felt "so down and low and depressed" about what I call my "soft (literally sagging) skin" issues. I've learned that you can't be Happy and Sad at the same time. It's just impossible! So with that being said, I'm so beyond happy to have my good health back after loosing 156 pounds, until I choose to look at my "after getting healthier" body as a very GOOD thing! It reminds me that I no longer have over the top high blood pressure...that I am no longer pre-diabetic...that I no longer have high cholestorol problems...that I no longer have sleep apnea...that I'm no longer looking at knee surgery or back surgery...that my arthritis is not my constant companion...that I can actually RUN around and play with my grandchildren...that I can even get down on the floor and actually GET UP ALL BY MYSELF WITHOUT ANY EMBARRASSING HELP FROM MY LITTLE GRANDCHILDREN..."Come on baby, help Nanna up". And I could go on and on and on! But no longer do I have to live in that former body!!! Hallelujah!!!
Trust me, I do understand your wanting to have your body look better and I have no doubt that you will get there. But to keep the negative emotions brewing by the comments of how horrible your "after getting healthier" body looks, is just not a good thing! If nothing else, get happy because you will "fix" the skin problems. For me, I'm on such a "high" over how much healthier I am, and that I didn't have some of the additional health issues that I've read about some wls patients continuing to have after surgery, until I feel it shameful to allow any negative emotions to over take me.
I apologize for this being so long. I just want you to be truly be happy, and definitely COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS - even while you're waiting to have your other procedures done. I wish you the very best of success with your upcoming surgeries!
Blessings to you...
After reading your post, and I've read your previous posts over the last few days as well, I sat here for a few moments reading the repsonses and truly thinking about it all. This is the conclusion that I've come to, and I really hope that it will help you to focus on the MORE IMPORTANT issue as you wait to get your other work done.
First of all, let me say that I do understand your feelings - I'm in your same boat. However, I honestly have NEVER felt "so down and low and depressed" about what I call my "soft (literally sagging) skin" issues. I've learned that you can't be Happy and Sad at the same time. It's just impossible! So with that being said, I'm so beyond happy to have my good health back after loosing 156 pounds, until I choose to look at my "after getting healthier" body as a very GOOD thing! It reminds me that I no longer have over the top high blood pressure...that I am no longer pre-diabetic...that I no longer have high cholestorol problems...that I no longer have sleep apnea...that I'm no longer looking at knee surgery or back surgery...that my arthritis is not my constant companion...that I can actually RUN around and play with my grandchildren...that I can even get down on the floor and actually GET UP ALL BY MYSELF WITHOUT ANY EMBARRASSING HELP FROM MY LITTLE GRANDCHILDREN..."Come on baby, help Nanna up". And I could go on and on and on! But no longer do I have to live in that former body!!! Hallelujah!!!
Trust me, I do understand your wanting to have your body look better and I have no doubt that you will get there. But to keep the negative emotions brewing by the comments of how horrible your "after getting healthier" body looks, is just not a good thing! If nothing else, get happy because you will "fix" the skin problems. For me, I'm on such a "high" over how much healthier I am, and that I didn't have some of the additional health issues that I've read about some wls patients continuing to have after surgery, until I feel it shameful to allow any negative emotions to over take me.
I apologize for this being so long. I just want you to be truly be happy, and definitely COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS - even while you're waiting to have your other procedures done. I wish you the very best of success with your upcoming surgeries!
Blessings to you...
I do feel very fortunate not to have postop complications and to have lost the weight in such a short period of time. I also went from being on numerous meds to nothing but vits and a couple of other pills per day. I feel lighter, healther, more self confident--with my clothes on.
It's just that when I saw what I really looked like naked--the stark and undeniable reality of those pics--it was hard. I honestly thought I looked better than that. It was a blow to my self esteem. I can't deny that.
I had stated that I was dealing with mind/body issues even prior to the pics. I just couldn't psychologically reconcile my clothing size with what I perceived to be my true size. I would look at my size 4 jeans and tell myself "No way those will fit on this body." Even though I can very comfortably wear them. I honestly did the same thing as a morbidly obese person--only in reverse. I look back on pics of myself as a preop and the pics still shock me. I honestly cannot believe I was that size. I never truly accepted how large I had allowed myself to become. It's only now when I look at those pics that I can understand just how large I was.
As a preop, I really thought I knew so much, understood so much of what to expect. I researched, researched, and researched. It's only now that I'm coming to terms with just how much our weight impacts our perception of ourselves and the world around us. Last night's "modeling session" was an epiphany really.
It's just that when I saw what I really looked like naked--the stark and undeniable reality of those pics--it was hard. I honestly thought I looked better than that. It was a blow to my self esteem. I can't deny that.
I had stated that I was dealing with mind/body issues even prior to the pics. I just couldn't psychologically reconcile my clothing size with what I perceived to be my true size. I would look at my size 4 jeans and tell myself "No way those will fit on this body." Even though I can very comfortably wear them. I honestly did the same thing as a morbidly obese person--only in reverse. I look back on pics of myself as a preop and the pics still shock me. I honestly cannot believe I was that size. I never truly accepted how large I had allowed myself to become. It's only now when I look at those pics that I can understand just how large I was.
As a preop, I really thought I knew so much, understood so much of what to expect. I researched, researched, and researched. It's only now that I'm coming to terms with just how much our weight impacts our perception of ourselves and the world around us. Last night's "modeling session" was an epiphany really.
Bless your heart! I will keep you in my prayers. I do understand what it feels like to look at those pre-op pictures. I saw one of mine that was in my mom's photo album, and didn't know it was me. Lol. My sister had to point out that it was actually a picture of me. Talk about an epiphany moment - now THAT was one! :)
As you mentioned so truthfully, many times we were not accepting of our true sizes and/or our weight issues. I went from a 34/36 to a now 8/10/12/14 (Laughing) - yes all those sizes, depending upon the designer label. However, when I was wearing the 34/36, I still loved to shop and I didn't wear those Mu Mu dresses. I wore professional suits, high heels, accessories, handbags, jewelry - the whole bit. Also, when I started to loose the weight and get into smaller sizes, I didn't have the problems with buying larger sizes, not accepting my "new" size. I didn't hang out in the larger sizes any longer than I had too. I'm a lover of Thrift stores, and I'm a "Clearance rack" queen! Lol. So, I loved going and finding awesome "smaller" sized clothing and slipping right into them. I owned my new body - sagginess and all. I've always worn and loved good undergarments all my life. I never had a problem wearing the post-op binders and compression garment. I loved the tight held-together feeling. I still wear them and I love Spanx and have them in the 3 basic colors. Of course we look so much better with all those things on under our clothes, and yes - at the end of the day when it all comes off, I come face to face with the "revealed" Rose. :) But there again, it's a natural thing now for me to automatically remember why my thighs, tummy, and breasts look like that. I used to get on the ps site and see all the beautiful results of some of the people here, and my mind would think - "if only....". Then I would read more posts about some of the less desirable results that some people experienced. My emotions began to jump all over the place. That's when I thought, stop it! Whether or not I ever get it all shaved off and have the rounded hips, slender legs, or perky breasts that I had BEFORE I blew up to 345 pounds, I'm still grateful and healthy!
As they say, it's really all in how we look at our particular situations. I would never blame you or criticize you for your personal feelings. I was only hoping to get you to look at it in a different light if you had not done so. In addition, there are truly times when our sagging/hanging skin warrants being taken care of. I HAD to have a panniculectomy and brachioplasty due to rashes and infections. Had there not been a problem with those areas, there probably wouldn't have been another surgery after the wls.
I must tell you that your avator is very beautiful, and I'm sure that your spirit is equally as beautiful. I wish you all the best and much success with all that you wish to do... :)
God bless!
As you mentioned so truthfully, many times we were not accepting of our true sizes and/or our weight issues. I went from a 34/36 to a now 8/10/12/14 (Laughing) - yes all those sizes, depending upon the designer label. However, when I was wearing the 34/36, I still loved to shop and I didn't wear those Mu Mu dresses. I wore professional suits, high heels, accessories, handbags, jewelry - the whole bit. Also, when I started to loose the weight and get into smaller sizes, I didn't have the problems with buying larger sizes, not accepting my "new" size. I didn't hang out in the larger sizes any longer than I had too. I'm a lover of Thrift stores, and I'm a "Clearance rack" queen! Lol. So, I loved going and finding awesome "smaller" sized clothing and slipping right into them. I owned my new body - sagginess and all. I've always worn and loved good undergarments all my life. I never had a problem wearing the post-op binders and compression garment. I loved the tight held-together feeling. I still wear them and I love Spanx and have them in the 3 basic colors. Of course we look so much better with all those things on under our clothes, and yes - at the end of the day when it all comes off, I come face to face with the "revealed" Rose. :) But there again, it's a natural thing now for me to automatically remember why my thighs, tummy, and breasts look like that. I used to get on the ps site and see all the beautiful results of some of the people here, and my mind would think - "if only....". Then I would read more posts about some of the less desirable results that some people experienced. My emotions began to jump all over the place. That's when I thought, stop it! Whether or not I ever get it all shaved off and have the rounded hips, slender legs, or perky breasts that I had BEFORE I blew up to 345 pounds, I'm still grateful and healthy!
As they say, it's really all in how we look at our particular situations. I would never blame you or criticize you for your personal feelings. I was only hoping to get you to look at it in a different light if you had not done so. In addition, there are truly times when our sagging/hanging skin warrants being taken care of. I HAD to have a panniculectomy and brachioplasty due to rashes and infections. Had there not been a problem with those areas, there probably wouldn't have been another surgery after the wls.
I must tell you that your avator is very beautiful, and I'm sure that your spirit is equally as beautiful. I wish you all the best and much success with all that you wish to do... :)
God bless!
I felt the same way when I saw my PS's pre-op photos. I still have copies... and I *still* want to cry when I see them.... especially when I see how bad my mons area was. BUT... after the arm lift, mons lift, and TT, seeing those pictures helps give me a tremendous amount of perspective on how much better I look now when I get depressed becasue of my still-hideous thighs.
Lora
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
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