An essay upon being mortal and forgoing PS: VERY LONG AND DETAILED

It's good to know that even in the roughest of times there is ALWAYS a silver lining!

Diana,

Thank you so much for making such a honest and difficult post.  I'm approaching eight weeks post op from an anchor cut abdominoplasty and bilateral brachioplasty.  While I don't feel I have had the difficulties you have, I do feel these surgeries were VERY, VERY hard.  Just last night, I was sitting my bathroom floor crying because my arms still hurt.  I too feel those shooting pains and the incredible tighteness, which makes it very hard to do something as simple as drive.  While I am very, very happy with my results, there are days were I am so incredibly frustrated at this process.  Angry at myself for needing the PS in the first place, terrified that I'll never feel "normal" again.  And also terrified, I'll never go through with the thigh lift and BA that I know I still want, but am quite hesistant to go forward with, due to plain, simple fear.  It is never easy for us to discuss this part, especially when we see other people who seem to never have a single complaint following their procedures.  I wish you only the best, and I hope you get things in control, and find the balance that makes you happy.

Jessica

Fear of never feeling normal again -- that's a big part of it.  I feel SO far from normal still, even though I recognize that I am better than I was even a week or two ago -- but still so far from the condition I was in before surgery.  I want my strength and vitality back!

Fear itself is a big piece -- fear of the pain in particular, and of losing all that precious time to recuperation.  I have places to go and things to do!

I am 7 weeks out today, from LESS surgery than you had.  I can totally relate to the frustration.  Maybe we both need to chill out for a bit, until we believe we can get back to normal.

Diana,

I've been wondering about you and was about to send you a PM to see how you were doing.

If you are having anxiety attacks, it is far better for you to cancel the plastics and any other optional medical treatments for the team being.  If you feel up to later, you can always reschedule it, if you so decide. 

You shouldn't feel disappointed in your reaction.  All it means is that you are a human being and, like all human beings, you have your strenghts and weakness, areas of perfection and those of flaws.  It's what make us individuals.

Lisa

P.S. I have a funny bump from my LapBand port which is still swollen from the tummy tuck procedure just over three weeks ago and, this week, I am having the breast reduction and lift.

Less than 4 weeks between surgeries?  WOW!

I don't want to be fragile and weak!  It is not my nature!  Damn .... I guess I can't say that I don't want to be human, however ....

Yeah, that's why I get to an overnight hospital stay.  And my plastic surgeon would not do it if I weren't extremely healthly.

You're not fragile and weak, you have human vulnerabilities.  NORMAL.

Diana,

As someone who is on disability for anxiety/panic issues, I so feel your pain. One of the worst parts of the anxiety/panic attack spiral is that they can be self-perpetuating. The worry about having an attack can actually cause one. This may be a time to speak to your therapist and doctor about anti-anxiety meds, and to take them, even if you don't feel an attack is imminent. The longer you control the anxiety, the less the fear controls you. Obviously, this hasn't worked perfectly for me, but I am so much more functional on many levels than I was before.

Wishing you the best of luck,

Joyce

Thanks for your comments and for sharing your experience.

I am hoping, for now, to ride this storm out unmedicated, and that the problem will just go away.  It is really important to me to get my mental faculties back intact, and I am still foggy from whatever is causing it.  I'm afraid an anxiolytic will dull my thought processes even further.

I am having a slight issue this morning, for some reason ... trying to just get through it and wait it out.  But I totally hear and agree with what you said about the attacks being self-perpetuating.  It is a positive-feedback loop -- the fear of having an attack amplifies the anxiety and guarantees the attack.  So I have to keep medication in the back of my mind as a fallback if things don't improve.

My PCP suggested taking Celexa if things don't get better soon.

BTW: I do have a safe and easy way to temporarily disarm panic that's worked for me for a decade now-- PM if you'd like to hear it.

Unlike psych meds, that kind of give me a doped up feeling, my anxiety meds never have.  As a matter of fact, without them I can feel quite foggy.  We're all different, but don't discount them.  Many people take them "as needed", although I am not in the place to do so right now, something like xanax works so quickly & effectively (for me), that when I could take them as needed, it was just that assurance of knowing I could push the attack away quickly that kept the mild ones at bay.