An essay upon being mortal and forgoing PS: VERY LONG AND DETAILED

You can't take enough B12 - anything you don't need you just pee out - that plus iron and D3 - all contribute to the FOG!!!  My fingers are crossed for you - it has to get better.  

 I just had upper/lower eyes and my thighs done, took about four hours. I expected lots of pain but have very little. Not much swelling and less bruising than expected. I have however been very emotional. I have never had this after surgery before. I have been crying  and very touchy. No reason. I am past the age of the monthly blues so its mot that. I didn't expect my emotions to be affected. I hope things get better for you.

It is bizarre to me that my emotions have been so affected.  That is the part I am still exploring -- why these feelings, and why now?  Can I deal with them now and put them behind me before I undertake more surgery?

I hope we both feel better soon.

You're not the first person to exhaust herself climbing a ladder, only to find it was leaning against the wrong wall.

If you later discover that you want surgery, it will be there waiting for you.

You've had so much going on, Diana -- it's a wonder you've taken on even half of it.  Have a peaceful season, and catch up with yourself.

Perfect analogy Charming!  I was so focused on the prize for so long, it was hard to accept that the situation had changed.  I don't know that I could or should have expected it, so I'm not berating myself for that, but accepting it is what is now my task.  It is what it is, so I need to deal with that.

And you are also correct that the decision to NOT do it, is only a decision to not do it now.  In fact, I am building into my timetable with a future job the potential for needing to take off time later in 2010, in case I am ready for it.

A relaxing and happy holiday to you as well.

Ditto Charming. Take time to center yourself. Good luck with everything.

As someone who's never had any surgery, my reaction to it is one of my biggest concerns.  Your wonderfully written essay has given something to think about.  I hope if I do feel any of what you've felt your forewarning will help me recognize it and work thru it.

Big THANK YOU for all the thought and work you've put into this post
Mark

I hope it is a little bit helpful -- I think being forewarned and having knowledge that this can happen can to some extent "immunize" you to the frightening parts of it, which can become a positive feedback loop of anxiety feeding on itself.  This was the hardest part for me -- being unable to control the anxiety and the fear of losing control entirely.

Good luck with your surgeries, and I hope you have NO reason to have needed to read this post!

Diana,

There is a lot to your post and thank you so much for sharing it. I agree with your assessment on perhaps not requiring all the "sculpting". I had my LBL done locally by a really great surgeon. He didn't do any lipo on me, he actually prefers not to do lipo on post-bariatric patients because of the skin elasticity. So my LBL was basically a lot of cutting and sewing. I believe the lack of lipo is the reason for my relatively easy recovery. I insisted on the anchor cut, and yes I had one spot that didn't heal well, but apart from that it was a pretty easy surgery. So I do agree that the lipo in conjunction with how much you had done was probably too much for your body (in addition to the other things you have pointed out). My LBL did not remove 15 lbs, only 4.4, and my body is far from perfect, but look so much better and I feel better. So I think you're right to perhaps reconsider lipo for future surgeries if you decide to go that route again.

You are a very smart woman, and yeah your body is screaming out that it is not ready for any more surgery. I am glad you decided not to listen to the part of your brain that is trying to be logical and move forward with surgery. There's been a lot going on in your life, most of your world has been turned upside down so be sure and take care!

It is tough to admit being frail and vulnerable.  I'm used to bulling my way through things -- I feel betrayed by my body, and even more by my emotions, which I'm usually in better charge of.

The whole thing is particularly interesting in how it affected the dynamic with my husband.  He's used to standing back and letting me run my life, but has stepped in and taken charge of me to some extent -- VERY odd and mind-opening to "allow" him to do this, and has brought us closer in some ways.  It has made me more emotionally vulnerable and open to him as well.