Feel like I'm being superficial & vain

I'm 5 months post op VSG, 5 lbs away from my goal weight & dreaming of PS one day.  My only problem is that I feel incredibly guilty for even considering it.  I don't have any rashes or other issues related to the loose skin.  And quite frankly, I don't think I have much more, if any more, loose skin than the average size woman with 4 kids.  My breasts are still a D cup, but they look at the floor now & I've lost the fullness around the top (it's wrinkly skin that I sorta stuff into my bra).  Of course they were saggy just since having kids & breastfeeding...

But I still hate looking at my tummy!  It's wrinkly & just above my c-section scar it's lumpy.  I could probably easily fit into a sz 6 jeans if it weren't for my tummy.  I like the way my boobs look in my bra.  But I'd love to be able to walk around home without a bra & feel just as good about them.

How can I justify that I deserve PS when most women go through these skin issues after having kids?  I'm not special because I had WLS.  I honestly believe even without being overweight, I'd have these same issues due to my pregnancies & breastfeeding.  So part of me dreams about having PS to feel better about myself & the other part is beating me down saying I'm being superficial & vain.  I mean, if I were having rashes or other medical issues related to the skin, I'd feel "justified" in doing it.  But since I don't, I feel unworthy & selfish.

Anyone else go through this?

I had 5 kids (breastfed them all) and I fully understand what you are saying. I did have some of those same feelings about my belly. I finally decided that if my insurance would pay for it that I would do that part. They did, so I did!

As far as the boobage goes, I had skin flaps with nipples. I wore empty B cup padded bras just to try to look some what normal in my clothing. I decided that regardless of my WLS I deserved to feel good about myself as a woman. The financial part is difficult, but I sure am glad that I spent the money. I've given my family everything and if it means that they miss a trip to Disney World, oh well. They can look at the pictures of the other 10 times they have been .

Obviously you have to make your own decisions, but don't sell your need short.

Martha

I do UNDERSTAND women especially feeling this way - especially if they are moms.  (We are notorious for feeling guilty for doing ANYTHING for ourselves.)

HOWEVER, just because other women have skin issues they CHOOSE not to address do not mean you are superficial and vain for wanting to.

Obesity (and child-bearing and/or breast-feeding) has damaged your body.  You can live with the damage the way some people do, or you can have that damage corrected.  The damage doesn't have to be to the point of causing you physical ailments (rashes, etc) to merit attention. 

Look at it this way, what if you were badly burned (not to the point of needing skin grafts or anything - just scarred badly)?  You could point to several people who would just choose to live with the scars.  Does that make those that don't superficial and vain for getting the scars removed?  Just because the burn isn't bad enough to require skin grafts or another surgery to fix it doesn't mean it isn't damaged and doesn't mean it couldn't be improved with surgery.

Ask anyone who makes you feel guilty (and if it's anyone, it will probably be other women around you because they'll be jealous), ask them if they took pain medication when they were giving birth?  That wasn't necessary either, but it made their life more comfortable.  This will make YOUR life more comfortable too.  They'll be the same women getting "a little work done" in a few years and pretending they haven't.  I know... I've seen these women in my PS's office. 

Its such a personal decision. I, too, wrestled with these emotions but decided that this was the final step in my tranformation from a cacoon to a butterfly. I feel I would not be able to slam that final stamp of completed until I did this. Best of luck in your decision.

Tammy

You have taken the first step to giving yourself (and your family) the gift of a healthy and happy mom.  You are not spending your life running from salon to salon to change from the outside in.  You have changed the view you have of yourself and the rest of the job is to maintain what needs maintaining.  When you ask "how can I justify that I deserve PS?"  I hear my own thoughts. I too have given everything willingly and mostly happily for my family. I realize that in doing so, I've kind of let myself down. As the weight is coming off, I have spruced up the wardrobe, started putting makeup on every day and been more consciencous about the exercise. I have started taking bubble baths when I am stressed or journalling which always took too much time before.  Spending money on yourself is the last hurdle to self worth not selfishness.  If the insurance pays for it- do a happy dance. If you have to find a way to save the money- like I will-  start telling yourself.  This is your body and it is going to take you all the way to the end. You really should enjoy the ride-  you will continue to take care of your family's needs for years whether you spend the money on yourself in this moment or not.  I hope you change the self talk from "unworthy and selfish"  to "worthwhile and self empowered"  That will give your family the best role model you can possilby give them.

 All my life I have put my family first and myself last. Where did it get me? I have ungrateful kids who expect me to dig them out of their jams and never try hard enough themselves. A marriage with multiple problems and very low self esteem. Until I had WLS I would not have had the courage to ask to spend the money on PS. It has given me the extra push I needed. It makes no difference if the extra skin is from having kids or losing weight. You deserve it. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise. You cannot take money with you when you leave this world. Would you rather someone else enjoy what you have saved or should you enjoy it yourself. Even if you have to borrow the money you are worth it. A happy mom and wife will give your family a better life than a sad one. Just smile and say I am worth it. 
I had major issues spending 11K on myself but I am so happy I did. I am not stopping here because I have more to repair. I damaged my body but it can be fixed and I intend to do it. So if my kids have to pay their own bills and DH doesn't get to retire early its just payback for all the years I sacrificed. If this makes me selfish so be it. I am worth it.

WLS patients are not the only ones getting PS.  When I was in one office for a consult, there was a three generation thing being discussed.  The grandmother had recommended the mother and then her twenty-something daughter was having breast augmentation.  Others want a change in their body and they are going for it.  There are probably way more people out there who have plastic surgery than we know.  Just because it's foreign in our circle of friends and family doesn't mean its a rare thing to do.  I also don't have as bad a problem as some others with hanging skin; however, I have more than I want to put up with and try to hide and work around.

You do so deserve to have PS if you decide it is right for you.

Lin

I went through some of the same exact feelings!  In fact, my surgeon told me in no uncertain terms that my tummy looks the way it does because of my two c-sections and not really because of the weight loss.  I know that I do not *need* plastics the way some people do, and I have even felt guilty that my insurance is paying for my TT when other people *****ally need it can't afford one....but my hubby told me to stop beating myself up about it.  He said that I deserve to be happy and feel comfortable in my skin as much as everyone else does, and that I shouldn't compare myself to other people- and I think he was probably right.  If YOU will feel better about YOU, and your family can afford it then you have zero reason to feel guilty.  Congrats on your success with your VSG...

Thank you, everyone.  I have really enjoyed reading your responses.  It gives me a lot to think about.  I think part of me feels quilty because it would mean more money on just me (I self paid for my VSG & would do that again in a heartbeat!  I didn't feel as bad about that.).  Deep down, I know I'm worth it.  My dh is supportive as well (of course, there is the issue on where to get the $$).  My dh is wonderful & just wants me to be happy.  All of my neg thoughts come straight from me...gotta change my attitude about myself.

For those that got insurance to cover the TT, how did you do it?  I just assumed unless I had horrible rashes, there was no way they'd even entertain the idea. 

I didn't have any stipulations to meet before my insurance covered my TT...my surgeon just recommended it and the PS agreed, and that was the end of the story- I never for a SECOND thought mine would be covered since my panni isn't that big and I lost under a 100 pounds....  It never hurts to try!