Question regarding DH & implants

I had a bl/ba on August 24, 2009.  How long after you had your implants did you wait before your significant other  touched your new breast?  My breast don't hurt, but they are still numb, so I'm not crazy about having them touched or fondled.  My husband made a comment that he miss touching me like he use to before the tummy tuck and bl/ba.  Also, my areolas are two different sizes now and the breast are not as round as they use to be.  He actually asked me: "Why don't they look like the models breast in the magazine and on television?"

He's really a great guy, but his comments hurt.  I've told him this and he's very sympathetic to my feelings, but at the same time I love the fact that we have always talked to each other honestly and I never want that to change.  I understand how he feels also.  He has stated that it's hard to see scars from one side of my body to the other.  Me on the other hand, I love the fact that I can see my toes without having to lift me belly out of the way.  I love being able to take a shower without having to wash between the rolls on my side and belly.  He also hates the binders I wear to bed because we always slept nude (sorry if too much information).  We actually discussed my reconstructive surgery before hand, but we never know how someone is going to react until they are faced with the situation.

Thanks in advance for letting me get this off my chest.

Sherline

Sherline,
You have brought up a subject I have not been brave enough to address.
There are some similarities (although I did not have implants).

Even though I am in a committed relationship I am worried about a couple of things. 

He  more than once has commented that it is '"no fun" sleeping with someone who is always in a compression garment.  He is afraid to "spoon" or hug me because he thinks it will hurt me.

Recently after we "connected" he commented that it's fun when every time he moves I go Ouch.  I asked him to try to understand that I am still healing from my Tummy Tuck and breast lift and although I don't have pain on a daily basis things are not fully healed yet.  I don't think he gets that.

I've asked more than once if he thinks I should just stop or go through with the plan to the end....he always says fini****  I guess it's just during the initial 4-6 weeks of recovery that he has some second thoughts about it all being worth it.  Once he starts seeing the results he kind of forgets the bad parts of the recovery and encourages me to continue.

He also recently said that it is not fun for him going through all the recovery stuff for the past year.  I always try to let him know how much I appreciate his help and support.  I always cook lots of food before I have surgery.  I make at least 3-4 weeks meals so they are ready to heat.......I cut  or separate them into individual portions, wrap them up and freeze em.  The only meal he has to make from scratch is breakfast and that's usually oatmeal or Cheerios.  But still I do appreciate his help in getting the meals together, heated and ready to eat.  But I don't ask him to do any housework....once I can get up from the bed alone I will slowly start sweeping the floors and doing what I can do.  Anyway....with the past 4 procedures I've had, he has only had to take care of the food stuff for up to 4 days and then I take it over.  I don't think he knows how the "little comments" hurt.  Okay, I need to stop cause now I sound like I'm complaining and I don't mean too....

I've asked more than once if he thinks I should just stop or if I should go through with the plan to the end....he always says I should fini****  (FYI - even if he said I should stop I plan on finishing it!)   I guess it's just during the initial 4-6 weeks of recovery that he has some second thoughts about it all being worth it.  Once he starts seeing the results he kind of forgets the bad parts of the recovery and encourages me to continue.   BTW - he says he loves the way the new boobs look and feel and can't wait till they can be used without me pulling away.  AND, the first day after my butt lift he said it looks fantastic!  He was all smiley like a kid you just saw Santa Claus!

I am terrified that if we break up I will NEVER be able to be with anyone else because who would want to see all my scars.  By the time my inner thighs are done I will have been cut from top to bottom and all around!  It's been weighing on my mind a lot lately!!!!!

I'm THRILLED to feel my hip bones under my garment and to feel a flat belly when I'm laying on my side...I guess they just feel the rubber from the garment.

I've told him I want us to be open and honest but man, sometimes the words hurt and once spoken it is not forgotten.

So I understand what you are saying and feeling...maybe we can PM each other to encourage and support each other.

I think this is all part of the emotional and psychology parts of not only losing a lot of weight but then making major changes to our outer appearance as well.

Take care!

Thank you for understanding how I'm feeling.  I was afraid that people would think I was complaining about my husband, but he's really a great and supportive man.  I just wish there was something I could do to make him feel better, but of course that's not possible. 

I know you just had another procedure; how are you doing?  Are you taking it easy?  When I had my surgery this past summer you gave the best advice (always do) to get me through my recovery.

Sherline

Thanks for the kind words Sherline!

Yes I'm feeling much better this afternoon (especially after winning the battle over the constipation!).
I am taking it easy again today and will do so until at least Friday when I will hopefully go back to the surgeon to have the drains removed (I HOPE!).  Matthew is doing a good job of reheating meals today (I think we are having meat loaf tonight).

I was able to get myself back into bed for the first time so I only need help getting up.
Well it's time for a pain pill and I'm not going to pu**** too long like I did last week...I'm enjoying being "comfortable".

FYI - A few ago I bought a new set of panties and bra and took the garment off.....it helped!!  LOL!  Of course right now I'm willing to wear two garments, a binder and a moo-moo just be comfortable.

Hang in there.  If you come up with something good to say to your DH let me know...
TTYL

This is such an important topic Sherline! Thanks for bringing it up.  Even though it is my body it is important for me that my husband is attracted and not uncomfortable with it too.  We talked about the procedures and although I could have had the anchor TT he was worried that the vertical scar would be a "turn-off". So I went with the extened TT and I have had the c-section scar for years and this is just longer.  I am very happy with the results and DH is too.  Now he is talking BL/BA...I dont think I can go thru it, but I am VERY surprised that he has been so supportive.  I think Your hubby will eventually catch up to your stage of acceptance and really appreciate all you have gone thru. Blessings.

Thanks Jennifer for the words or encouragement.  I agree, it's very important for our significant other to be comfortable with our decision to have surgery and the end results.  I also talked to my husband before my surgery and he was/is very supportive.  I honestly think he did not expect me to have scars (crazy as that may sound) that will last forever.  It's still early I am hoping the scars will fade a lot more before it's all said and done.

Sherline

Yeah its not just me.

I am 5 weeks out from BA and LBL my areolas are not the same either and my hubby commented and I told him it hurt my feelings but you know they can fix it (mine will be free )
if I decide to do it - an in office procedure but I don't think that I want to do any more cutting on them- It s not that bad and actually my DH commented that it is either getting better or he is getting use to it.
I hear you about the breat fondling I have to keep telling my DH that it just does not feel good and that I will be back to normal one day I mean give me a break it has only been 5 weeks. I know it is frustrating for him and me too. In fact we just had this talk last nite and this morning. I am not sure how long it takes but I have heard anywhere from 6 months to a year. I have a friend that said her nipples hurt for the entire year even the water hitting them in the shower hurt. Thank goodness I don't have it that bad.
But I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and either is your hubby he is just like mine hates the garments but I have actually gotten use to them and now feel naked when I have it off like I  am going to hurt something I wonder if I will ever feel normal without them. I am sure we wil but it is a scary feeling - it is like this is the norm now when we know it isn't .

Well I wish you well and hang in there.

MO