164

That's the number of inches of plastic surgery scars that I now posses.  We were bored this afternoon - can you tell.  I have 67 inches of incisions from my elbows to hip bones combined for both sides of my body, 37 inches from my thigh lifts, 36 inches from my LBL scar, and 24 from my breast lift.  I won't even say how many times some of them have been reopened for revisions or due to complications.  I guess it is all about counting the cost.  I have people all the time ask if the  skin removal was worth it.  My answer is always yes, but there are costs to count.

I'm at the point with my arm/flank surgery that you begin to wonder if you did the right thing.  Will the feeling return, how will this finally heal and look.  Now noticeable with the scars be.  I am also at the point where some feeling is returning and my skin down my side feels like it is burning off of me, or being scraped with sand paper.  I'm glad that my husband and friends are there to keep me focused and reminding me that we've been here before and it will pass.  It is also frustrating to see my granddaughter and realize that holding her for long is still an issue, and I'm still on activity restrictions so that I don't over produce fluids - it is one of the things that does work for me.  I want to get out there and do more, but right now I can't even though I feel like it.  I don't want to have another aspiration on Tuesday, but that isn't much of an option either.  Why did I do this again -- oh yeah, to feel "normal".  Will I ever feel normal with 164 inches of scar line on my body, and the numbness that comes with it in certain areas of my body??  Will I ever regain feeling on my lateral left thigh? I've given up on that.  Will my lower belly have more feeling? Maybe - it seems to still be coming back.  Will my sides and arm pits always feel like they are burning, and then have a dead area right next to it? Who  knows right now.

So has all of this been worth it?  I would still say yes, even with the ups and downs, even with the physical discomfort and the mental challenges of recovery.  Will there still be challenges ahead in recovery - I'm sure.  We know there are a couple of spots to revise.  It is still a challenge when my husband rubs his hand down my side - it is still either so numb or burns and that's very uncomfortable. I hope that I don't stay numb and miss his touch for the rest of my life.

Will all of these scars heal the things that drove me to love food in the first place? I don't think so, but they are an excellent reminder to me of how far I've come and of the fact that I NEVER want to go back.  They remind me to stay active, watch what I eat and to deal with my frustrations and emotions in a healthy way.  Even as they fade and some are now very faint and hard to see, they remind me of the fight that I continue to fight against obesity and the demons in my head.  They remind me that I have to stay diligent so that I can stay active doing the things that I've learned to love over the past 3 years.  They also remind me that I'm now free to be me and to move forward with my life.  They represent a rebirth.

I think I have around 100" with my LBL, BL, Arms and face.  The face is hard to count because you can't see any of the scars.   All other scars are barely noticeable at this stage.  I feel totally normal.  I have no regrets about the plastics.  I'm sure, even if I had never become obese, I'd be having a  "Mommy Makeover"  (boobs and TT) and a facelift at this stage of my life so the only extra was the arms and back-end of the LBL.  I'm not planning on becoming a pole dancer so it's all good! 

Congratulations on everything.

I know that this is just the stage in healing that I'm in right now. Nothing feels right, it all seems overwhelming and I'm still limited on what I can do, etc.

Before doing my arms/sides, I felt normal, and was greatful for the chance to do surgery, but I think that each time, we question every now and then.  If I have any regrets, it would be some of the numb feeling.  During one of the surgeries for compications, my left thigh went completely numb - from hip to knee - all the way around.  Now, it is only numb on the outside (lateral) aspect from hip to almost knee.  I don't feel pain, pressure, nothing - except when taking off my bathing suit, and I feel strange shooting pains in one area mid thigh.  It is really hard to describe.  It is still all worth it.  Just strange to think that I have that mu*****ision line.

Thank you for sharing Jennie...well said. Worth it for a rebirth!
 Here's to you, your courage, your attitude, your tenacity!

Thanks Antonette - I'm very glad for the opportunity to have had my plastics, but I think today I fhit that 4 week funk where you feel like you should be farther along in the process.  I've been here many time before, so it shouldn't surprise me, but it always does!

Jennie

I think sometimes our bodies are behind our minds. You have definitely been through quite a bit and so has your body. By nature we are anxious and impatient. I know that I want to have things done NOW so I can move onto the next thing, the next place, the next project, etc. 

Its okay to feel a little down but I know you know that JOY will come in the morning as promised. Hold onto what you know to be the TRUTH about His best for you and that you can do ALL things through Him. He is your ROCK and STRONGTOWER and your safe comforting dwelling place.

 

Thanks for the reminders - I've been holding on to scripture like never before for the past 17 months.  Each surgery has brought new challenges, but as always, the Lord shows himself FAITHFUL to take care of me.  Plus each of these surgeries has allowed me to share what the Lord has done in my life, so that is good!

I know that this time will pass, and soon I will be back to the swimming pool and gym working out and teaching my classes.  I also know that when I can return back to my exercise routine, the restlessness will go away.

Thanks for the encouragement,

What a great post Jennie!  I'm sure I'll go through all the same feelings you are having once I have my procedures done, and like you have quite a list of them!  Thanks for opening yourself up and sharing in your journey emotionally, that's often the hardest, but I'm sure everyone goes through it.

What a fascinating think to do...........I think I'll measure mine after my procedure on Weds....

I know what you mean about the scars being a reminder of what you've accomplished and not wanting to go back there,....I feel the same way.