Did you "hide" money for surgery?

I have decided that the only way for me to ever be able to afford surgery is to start hiding money. I work a part-time job in addition to my full time job so I can easily start stashing money away. I have been hiding money as cash and only last week opened up my very own (GASP!) checking account that my husband will blow up about if he ever finds out. I figure that i pay over 1/2 of my families expenses (as do many women these days) and I deserve to have PS even though every other member ofmy family has needs and wants that they believe is more important than my PS wishes. I admit that this is selfish. Some people say having RNY (self-pay) was selfish. But I never claimed to be a saint and don't feel like ALWAYS putting others before myself. Heck. I take darn good care of my family and if I work extra hard for extra money, why should I spend it on their wants? Let them work hard for themeselves! Anyhow. I was just wondering how many of us gals hide money from our spouses? Has anyone secretly opened up a checking or savings account? How do you guys with husbands do it if they don't support your wishes and try to guilt you into home renovations, reducing debt, etc..?

I have always had to hide money.... My almost ex husband has never felt that I need (or deserve) anything right down to underwear! 30 years ago I opened my own checking account and he had a fit!! I should have known then that was a bad sign.

I had to sell some of my things and use my tax return to pay for my new boobies. He has no idea how much I spent, and never will. My RNY and coming TT are covered by my insurance. I have had some backlash from other family members about my BA, I just look them in the eye and say "You are entitled to your opinion, but I don't recall asking for it." Or in other words, as my kids said when they were younger to each other "You're not the boss of me!"

I have worked hard to get to where I am, and I make no apologies to anyone for having plastic surgery.

Martha

Thank you so much for that post. I can't tell you how much I needed to hear that. Even though I sound confident I guess, I am still plagued by guilt about all this. There is just such a stigma about keeping secrets, hiding money and doing things for youself instead of others, especially when you are a woman. I am glad to hear that someone understands how hard this is. Thanks again. I feel  better now.

You Go Girl!!!!!  Be proud and stand strong!

You won't like to read this, but "hiding" money is a huge legal problem (if you don't happen to consider it a moral one).  You may owe taxes on interest, and in the event of a divorce (yours) the money must be declared, or you're in deep guano.  Also, in the event of a death (yours), the money may be lost altogether.

You will also dislike to read my opinion that you should pay off your debt before getting PS, unless your health and wellbeing is impaired.

Unless of course you are a stripper, in which case you could probably consider it a business expense.

Best of luck to you!

My part time job takes taxes out before I receive my check. I think most businesses do that.I'm not worred about divorce because I pay OVER1/2 of our family expenses. Fair is fair and courts will see it that way too. The trouble is my family doesnt.  And I do feel gulty about this. I think I expressed that. As for paying off debts, it never works that way.  If the money is available, my family will spend it. I am hiding money because I believe that my wants supercede their wants. Pretty selfish, I know. Incidently, if i looked good enough to be a stripper, I wouldn't need PS.

John's Wife -- 

Your employer deducts tax from your paycheck before you receive it, and sends it to the Feds and the State -- BUT you must declare that income on an annual tax RETURN.

I'm concerned about you not knowing this.  Is "John" taking care of the taxes?  How is it that you are unaware that just because you don't see your taxes, this doesn't mean that they don't exist?

Is it possible that you are not a full player in your household's financial life?

Here are a few other things to ponder --

     What if your husband is also stashing away money?  And what makes you think he doesn't?
     
     Are you under the impression that what HE earns belongs to both of you -- but what YOU earn belongs only to you?  If that is the case, does this have any moral/ethical ramifications that you should think about?

     How, exactly, are you planning to explain the surgery itself?  Isn't your husband going to ask where you are, while you're under the knife?  Isn't the family going to wonder what happened to you?  Isn't anyone (your husband) going to see you naked afterwards, and wonder how that happened?

. . . and how it was paid for?

It seems to me that you are avoiding some seriously grown-up issues, such as paying your debts, and answering responsibly to the other adult financial partner in your marriage.

If you need so profoundly to hide important choices from your husband, then I strongly suggest that your life situation may not really be ready for plastics, anyway.

It's a public message board -- you asked, and I answered.

depositing money into a separate checking account has nothing to do with taxes, especially since we file separately. This discussion is COMPLETELY irrelevant to my OP. And there is no reason for me to tell anyone inmy family how much PS cost anymore than howmuch i spend on my clothes. As I said, i do more than my fair share of financial support and feel that I deserve this surgery for me. You are reading much more into the hypothetical here... True to your avatar and history of post, you are a very negative person. You said your opinion and now I will say mine -- You need to think about your perspective and how you present yourself to others. You have offended people on the Fobi board, this board and I wonder how many other boards with your overeagerness to play the devil's advocate and your abrasive tone. Don't bother responding either because I won't see your posts again. [blocked]

Guess she really struck a nerve.

 Guess I did, which is really too bad.  Also too bad, because even though my email sent me a good chunk of what she wrote, and I can tell she is really upset, she won't be able to read this.

Posting on a message board is hazardous.  People do tend to respond with what they really think -- whether we like it or not.  I think that hiding major secrets from a spouse is a kind of emotional infidelity -- and I would guess that this is gonna come back and bite her on the ass.   If she's still sleeping with her husband, I would guess he's going to notice she had plastics.  And if he has half a brain, he's going to realize she was gone for a few days, and also that plastics cost money.  

I feel bad for her -- I can't imagine being steeped in debt even while providing more than half the income, and feeling I was entitled to purchase something that would set the family even further back.  .  .  but still feeling I had to have it.  I can't imagine, really I can't.

Best of luck, though.  Wow.