How did your family respond to your reconstruction? Cuz I got problems!

I'm grateful to have a very supportive family. Right after my plastics, I posted about how my mother was being an absolute ***** and blah blah blah...whoa. I've never gotten so many replies telling me how spoiled, ungrateful, and bratty I am. Truth be told, I was. I also learned that I have a fairly...odd reaction to hydrocodone, which went unchecked, and I actually had no concept of reality, so really, I'm still bratty, just not as much.

So, from the child's perspective, because it's all I got...

It's not about this surgery. It's about his Mom. Because he's 18. He wants his Mom. How did your kids react when you were sick with a cold? We don't care, we want our Mom and our PB&J sandwich. To us, you parents are truly like demi-gods. We expect you to be perfect and be our parents 24/7. To insinuate that you have your OWN lives and OWN ideals and OWN goals is just flabbergasting.

He's reacting to the fact that his Mom is doing something for HER. You're doing something for YOU. And it's also SCARY as well, but I'm thinking that's just a subconscious thing.

And that's all I got.

(P.S. I'm proud of you!)

WTF!!!!!...Sorry, excuse the language, but I can't believe his attitude.

First of all, he's a little too old to be acting like this. I can understand a little child that depends on you and because of your recovery you can't tend to them, but how dare he not be there for you!

I have an 8 year old son, and besides from being a little scare for me, he has been such a trooper during my WLS and plastics. During the plastics it was a little more difficult because I was more disabled and I couldn't be an active mommy so I sent him to his grandma's for the summer. At first he didn't want to go because he wanted to be home to help me, now he doesn't want to come back because he's having so much fun in the Caribbean!

I can't believe that after you've taken care of your son all these years he can't be supportive now. In the long run this is something you are doing for you, stand your ground and don't let him bully you. Maybe he needs therapy or something because he's either secretly terrified of  losing his mommy, or overly selfish about his mom's "independence".

Yesterday, the kid came forth with some very thorough apologies.  He has most of his privileges back (not my idea) and is being very helpful.

I'm not sure if it's the negative consequences, or the sudden realization that he was being a dick, but he's being really very sweet.

Looking at this whole thing ... I'm thinking that:

1) he was very unhappy that I began coloring and styling my hair;
2) has remarked that I'm already looking great and I should just stop.  Stop it alread.  It's enough.
3) is plainly uncomfortable that, while it was embarassing to have a super-dee-duper fat mom, at least she wasn't sexual or appealing for cryin' out loud -- who needs that!

And my take on things is that my change in style is really very uncomfortable for him.  He himself gained about 50 pounds two years ago, because of a medication.  When he got off the medication, his weight returned pretty much to normal -- no doubt because he has the metabolism of a teenage boy.  From his perspective, the weight seemed to fall off, and why couldn't mine?  And plastic surgery, from his POV, is just totally superficial (keep in mind that we live in the center of the true Hollywood, and everyone who lives near us or that we are in contact with, is "in the biz" (except, of course, US!).  So we know some highly plastic-surgeried people, who are quite honestly addicted to the knife.  And he was worried about this family starting down that path.

Also, he is ambivalent about losing his childhood home as he knows it, when he goes off to college in six weeks.  What if you went off to college, and your parents suddenly were discovered to be cool, fun-loving people and they made over your bedroom into a jacuzzi, and had vacations and stuff!  What if they turned out not to be parents at all, but real human beings!  What if they were even attractive and interesting to other people!  Holy cow!  What then!!!

And that's what I think is happening.

Wow, you sure have been through the mill with this kid, huh?

I wonder if he is afraid that you will look so good, Daddy wont measure up and you will split. You never know how a kid processes things. And I agree withyour observations about what is really going on. BUT..

Has he NOT seen how you struggled with weight over the years...the ups and downs and ups and ups and ups of failure? Tell him the surgery was NOT a copout. You tried lifestyle changes, diets, exercise...pills, frozen dinners, cans of yucky tasting stuff and were still fat. WLS was a tool. You wouldnt want to build a house with a highheel instead of a hammer...you need the right tool. Weight loss is just as big an undertaking as building a house.  It takes planning, implementing, revisions, drawbacks, changes, and ultimately success! WITH THE RIGHT TOOL. The surgery allowed you to build your new self.

I applaud you keeping your stiff spine even if your husband got soft. Keep that stiff spine. You may have more of the same kinds of behavior in the future. The kid needs to know that although Dad may be a soft touch, MOM MEANS BUSINESS! Good for you and congrats on finally having a meeting of the minds. I love a happy ending!

soapy

I am sorry to hear that.  My family was not supportive at all; they all said I was crazy! to have RNY and Plastic Surgery.  But I did it anyways because I deserve to live a healthy life.  You are not alone on this at all, I think many of us have gone through the same; thanks to all the people who thought about creating a site like this where we can find support.

Keep on the good work and I believe you did the right thing.Hugs.