I Feel Awful About This!

I just have to share this with you all as you are the only ones who can relate. After I had my revision from lap band to rny Nov 2007, I ended up being very very ill and nearly dying from and staph infection from a block and leak. I was in the hospital for nearly 3 months. During this time my husband was undoubtedly awesome! My surgery was the day before Thanksgiving, which kept me in the hospital through that holiday, Christmas, and New Years. Now I also want to let you know we had 5 children at home to take care of as well. My husband would come see me anywhere from 2-3 times every day and or night. If he felt the need to come to the hospital at 2 am to check on me, he did. He worried about me sooo much as did my kids. It wasn’t really clear if I would make it home or not for awhile. Having said this, my TT surgery is approaching in 12 days. My husband and I both suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome after the last surgery. I feel soooooo horribly bad for him and the kids. I feel like I am putting them through that situation again. They are clearly scared they will lose me. How do I manage this with not only my guilt but making them feel more confident and comfortable about this next surgery? I don’t ever want them have to go through all of that again. But risk goes with any surgery. It almost feels like I am doing this out of vanity and unnessacerily worrying my family. Help me sort this out.  

I work in research, so my approach may not make most people feel better, but its how I rationalize for myself: What happened to you last time is a risk, and unfortunately, you got it bad. Statistically speaking though, the chance of that happening was very small, and the chance if it happening to you again, is extremely small. Also, I assume you had an open RNY, which left your organs totally exposed in surgery. PS does not involve entry into a cavity, which makes it less dangerous in many respects to your RNY. Also, if you had a staple infection, chances are you won't get staples this time. Statistics are totally on your side, but everything carries risk. Fortunately, the same "risks" carry big benefits, such as your comfort and happiness. I'm sure you'll do great. Good luck

Hijack!

Hey there.. I used to do phase one pharmaceutical resear*****ansas (near Kansas City).  What type of research do you do if you don't mind me asking! Love research!

Hijack accepted! I work in neurobiology for the most part. Most of our research projects are geared towards mapping neuronal pathways associated with parkinsons, but we also do some work with ADHD.

Awesome!!! I also did some work in the neuro field with Teva Neuroscience in KC.  I worked specifically with their injectable drug Copaxone for MS patients... they also have some developments for parkinsons I am told.  Very cool :-)  Sounds like you like your job, which is awesome!

Hello Michelle:o)

First of all you are very courageous woman! you are not doing this out of vanity at all you are doing it to become a healthy strong woman for your husband and children.  I know what  is like to suffer from PTSS and sometimes it gets so bad is just overwhelming but I am sure you can do it, be strong, and hang in there I am sure you are going to make it!

I don't know the age of your children but perhaps you can go to the library check out some books and show them or explain to them the surgery and how pretty mommy is going to look after.  I found out that the more you know about the surgery the pros/cons the better you feel about it.

Good Luck and we are here for you! feel free to email me anytime [email protected]

hugzzzzzz

I did have lap rny then two days later opened up to fix it. I know you are right about all of this. I don’t have much PTSS anymore, however, sometimes my husband kinda goes through phases where he will wake up in the middle of the night and feel like there is somewhere he needs to go ( like to the hospital where I was and walk around, even though he knows I am not there anymore ). We work very well together on handling the PTSS when it rears it ugly head. It’s strange the times it chooses to come and go. I believe I will be fine. I worry more about my family worrying. I have explained to the kids (ages 15-12-11-9) that this surgery is a lot different than the other that made me so sick. And you are right, it was such a slim chance that I would end up having all the complications I had, I am right there with you. My husband and kids have not told me not to do it at all, I can just see the look of distress in their eyes when I mention my surgery. I usually give them hugs and tell them I am going to be fine & I look forward to seeing them as soon as I wake up. What happened last time is not going to happen again. They are scared. Understandably so. I would never not have the surgery because of fear. Its upsets me to see them upset about me. But I am sure it will all be fine.    

Wow, I can only imagine how you are feeling sweetie.. I will be honest, I know I would feel the same way.  However, the odds are against you that this sort of thing will happen again.  Make sure you are taking vitamins, protein loading etc to be sure u are in tiptop shape before going under. The best u can do.

As for vanity, I think we ALL feel this right before and it is a normal reaction.  Now that I have had it.. vanity or not, I wouldn't have it any other way. I finally like my body.

Hang in there sweetie. I can only imagine your "guilt" which you shouldn't feel but inevitably you will considering you past.  Are you all in therapy cosidering the PTSD?  Maybe bring this up in a session.

Good luck, big hugs.

Yep! My husband and I both go for it. Best thing we ever did in our marraige was start seeing a therapist (& I started off by seeing her for PTSS).. I don't have much trouble now, once in awhile, but she has done wonders for our marraige and our family as  whole! I highly reccomend ANY type of family or marraige counseling!
Thank you all for interjecting! it was a MUCH needed boost in confidence that I will be ok and so will they!

Katie...any research that is gonna save me from killing my ADHD son???  j/k of course but whew he has been a handful.

I realize that we can all remind you that the odds are in your favor and this is a much less invasive surgery...but the stress and worry they are having is not logic based.  So, really it seems all you can do is talk it out alot, prepare as best you can so you feel you are going into this ready in every way, and keep working with the counselor.

Remember this is not for vanity!  It is recontructive!  And if you are like many of us, it is hindering your quality of life!  Yes, there is a vanity bonus wrapped up in there, but you deserve to be happy.  Good luck and grats on having such a wonderful hubby!