Body image (pre-plastics), fears re: plastics, etc

I look at my body and while I know I am significantly thinner in my size 8/10 body than I was when I started the WLS journey at size 22, I some ways I feel almost as dissatified with my body now as I was then. (Of course, in many ways I feel better, outside the area of body image.)

I'm finding that while I really want to get plastics, another part of me feels funny about it. I feel sad that I "ruined" my body and now, to get the "normal" body (you know the one--it's the one that I felt was trapped inside my MO body -- like this graphic on Katzen's website)  I would have to go through an expensive and extensive surgery in order to have a body that feels like the version of me that I always wanted to be.

I have this idea that a person is born with this perfect "skin envelope" and that it is a shame to scar it or cut it. (Obviously that image is a pleasant fiction -- the reality is that surgery is a life-saving thing and scars are a small price to pay). Granted, PS/reconstructive surgery won't be life-saving for me (though I assume it will be life-affirming).
 
The idea of the scars bugs me a little bit. I am glad that PS exists. But I am sad that I will have scars and will have to go to such drastic measures in order to get myself back to "normal."

Of course, I did feel the same way before I had WLS--I regretted that things had gotten to the point where WLS was a reasonable option. I don't regret WLS, but I still regret ever having needed it in the first place.

Might I feel the same about plastics (once I'm over the post-op pain and swelling?)

How have you dealt with this?

I felt the same exact way.  How did I let it get this bad?  How did it come to this?  It's not fair that I have scars...all the same feelings.  However, I finally said...well there's nothing i can do to change the past and all I can do is make the right decisions moving forward.  I went from a size 32 down to a size 6 (was about a 10/12 before plastics).   Plastics was by far the best thing I did.  Yes it's expensive, yes it hurts, yes it's a lot to recover from, but it is so worth it.  After gastric bypass and losing all the weight I still felt like I was wearing the "fat suit" with all the excess skin.  the surgeon removed about 18 pounds of excess skin and put everything back together the way it was supposed to be and I felt "normal" for the first time ever.  It's been over a year and the scars have faded greatly.  Sure, they'll always be there to some degree, but it's a million times better than before and I finally feel comfortable in my own skin ( a whole lot less of it...).

Good luck,
Suzanne

Blessings to you for your reply Suzanne, your message is very helpful. It really helps to know that the way I feel is, seemingly, normal, and that once I am on the other side I am likely to feel a lot better about it.

I felt my perfect skin envelope was already scarred by being all strectched out by my obesity.  If you look at my before PS pictures you can see that my body in the back was really deformed so I had a different attitude about altering it with PS.  It was retored to the body God intended for me to have with skills he gave the surgeon.  As long as you don't have unrealistic expectations about the results you will get from PS I think you will be happy you did it.  You can change your mind set to suit the cir****tances.  Good luck, Loris

Thanks Loris, I think you helped me by answerint Salblouwho.
Terry

You are not alone.  I was a size 24-26 and now wear a 6/8 and sometimes I still see the "other" me in the mirror.  I think a lot of us post-ops have similar experiences, however, we have to understand and know that the surgery is a tool that givesus the capability and ability to lose weight; however, the tool cannot rid us of the excess skin that is a result of our past excess weight.

I am researching PS and have a consult scheduled for this week.  However, I am scared to death of another surgery and the pain that everyone who has had PS talks about.  I know that losing the excess skin will make me feel better and give me the shape I want.  Is it worth it?  I think this is an individual question and answer because we are all unique and different.  We all have our own opinion as to whether or not we should have this or that done to our body.  Although I didn't answer all your questions,  I had a chance to babble on and that in itself helped me decide to go to my scheduled appointment on Thursday just to see what the doctor has to say.

WIsh you well.
Terry

 

 

 

Great Topic!

I sometimes worry about how I will feel about my body after I've had all my plastics too.  But I remind myself that the scars are temporary and will fade.  Instead of feeling like you "ruined" your body, focus on the fact that you "fixed" it or improved it because if you had not lost the weight your body would probably deteriorate due to many illnesses linked to obesity.

I already have scars on my skin from when I was a kid and fell and split my knee cap in half or when I got hit in the face with a Frisbee and it split my lip.  I also pierced my ears and don't think about them as ruining my body.....I already have scars from other surgeries which have faded and I honestly never think about them.  I never think that the scars from my hernia or my hysterectomy or appendectomy, or when my shoulder was rebuild as ruining my body because all of these surgeries were necessary for one reason or another.  I also feel the plastics are necessary for me to really be satisfied and to live my life to it's fullest.   I'm excited that when they do my TT it will remove the hysterectomy scar and the long hernia scar so I'm kind of replacing scars...lol.
It would be nice If I didn't need plastic surgery.....it would be nice if I had never gotten to 300 lbs  and didn't have all this excess skin......it would be nice if I earned my Masters Degree when I was in my 20's (and then I wouldn't be back in school now at 52),.....My point is I can't live thinking of all the things I didn't do or did wrong in the past....I have to move forward and do what I can to make the best of things.  I'm just grateful that medicine has gotten to the place that they can safely do this kind of surgery to give us such great results.

I was full of shame when I was wearing a 26/28W and wanted to hide my body.  Now I do feel awkward or uncomfortable about the excess skin and try to hide it in my size 8 pants but I'm not ashamed in the same way as I was before losing the weight.  Maybe it's because I'm just so proud of what I have accomplished.  For me getting the plastic surgery is going to be the final reward for all my hard work (expensive but I'm worth it!).

Focus on the future..not on the past.

That's just my 2 cents on it.
Ruth

I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal and common amongst WLS patients.  But just like your WLS, this is something you should do for yourself.  To improve your life.  As far as the scars go, is it any worse than looking at all the excess skin?

I just had my panni removal 4 weeks ago and I don't regret it for a minute.  I thought I was going to be in so much pain after the surgery and I wasn't.  Sure I've had discomfort and swelling but nothing that I couldn't tolerate.

I look at my new body and can't believe it is me.  If nothing else, it will have been a huge boost to my self esteem and my mental health, not to mention my physical well being.

Hope this helps.

A VERY insightful post.  Felt every one of these feelings.  STILL do at times.  Why did I ever let things get so out of control?  How did I miss the part about the skin?  I mean, I knew I would have some issues, but OMG!   I was pretty shocked at the skinny skin me.  I have to say the scars DO bother me.  But they are only a little over 2 months old.  Plus I had another surgery 2 weeks ago.  I'm tired all the time, and not bouncing back as fast as I had hoped.  I'm 51.  I need to be kinder to myself, I know this.  We are our own worst critics.  I just pulled out my passport - I have no idea who the woman in that picture is.  286 pounds of bloated unhappiness.  Misery!!!  We can only keep looking forward.   Sometimes it helps to just take a nice long read of your profile.  When I do, I'm shocked!  It puts things in perspective.

Hugs to you, Cindy.  It really IS worth it.  Plastics after WLS is kinda like wearing jewelry, nice shoes, and the right accesories and makeup with that dress.   It completes the process.

Yes I have dealt with many of these same issues.  I had scars before I had my WLS and plastics and I did not even think about them.  Even after all of the plastics I have had I still look at myself sometimes and see the fat woman.  But I think that is because sometimes I focus on the parts that have not been "fixed" yet.  Plus I am 56 years old and I am unsure if some of the changes I see are due to obesity or the natural aging process.  I have never been this old before so I have no basis of comparison.  But it feels so different living in my body since having the plastics -- so I know that it is well worth going through the process.  Over time the scars will fade and over time you will have little memory of the pain and discomfort of the plastics -- but the results will be with you a lifetime.

Red