6 years ago today!

IT WAS A ROUTE DR APPOINTMENT TO CHECK MY BABIES HEART BEAT, AND TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING WAS GOING GOOD WITH HER. HAILEY ELIZABETH ANGELINA COLEMAN IS GOING TO BE HER NAME. I WAS ON THE TABLE WITH THE NURSE AS SHE PUT THE DOPPLER UP TO MY LARGE BELLY. I HEARD A HEART BEAT AND IT WAS STRONG. SHE MOVED THE DOPPLER TO ANOTHER SPOT ON MY BELLY. ALL OF THOSE OUT THERE WHO WERE FAT ON TOP OF BEING PREGNANT ITS UNCOMFORTABLE THING TO PULL YOUR SHIRT UP AND HAVE SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW LOOK AT IT, ETC.... WE HERE SHE IS MOVING THIS DOPPLER ALL OVER MY BELLY. I ASKED HER WHY ARE YOU MOVING SO MUCH AND NOT LEAVING IT WHERE THE STRONG HEART BEAT WAS? SHE SAID THAT WAS YOUR HEART BEAT. MY HEART DROPPED! I KNEW RIGHT THEN AND THERE THERE WAS ONLY ONE HEARTBEAT INSIDE AND IT WAS MINE. THE NURSE SAID SHE HAD AN OLD DOPPLER THAT SHE WOULD GET a new Doppler and a more experienced nurse. She confirmed my worst fear! The doctor came in and by this time I am crying. The doctor said ohh everything will be ok the baby is just laying in an awkward position. They took me in the ultrasound room by that time there were 4 nurses and 2 doctors. She told me that there wasn't much fluid around the baby, and she needed a better picture of the baby. Well I knew you just know! Well I went to this doctor's appointment by myself! Boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend now!) is out "hanging out with friends" I begged him to go with me earlier that day. Well I call my mom and told her to go to the hospital, I go to the hospital with my "x" and they had me get on a gown and they took him and me down to the ultrasound room. The tech. wasn't in the room yet; I turned the monitor so it could face me. When he came in of course he turned it back. So here once again someone on my belly taking pictures and measuring scanning. Etc. It was silent the whole entire time. I asked him could you tell me what's going on. He said no I couldn't say anything I can only do this ultrasound. I said sir please! Just tell me if there is any movement or fluid! And he said no. So there you have it. I felt sooo alone! Next thing I know the im back in my room the doctor is there giving me options, to I want to abort the baby like an abortion or do I want to go through labor. I choose labor. I thought to myself if this is the only time I will ever make it this far with a child then I want to know how labor is. So I went through all the labor etc.... I gave birth to a baby girl, 1 lb 9 inches. She looked like her dad. The doctor told me she would have her eyes closed and other things that she may look like. But little Hailey wanted to see her mommy, because her eyes were open. She is in a better place. She is my angel that fly's next to me. She is the touch I feel when no one is behind me. She is my angel. I was very very depressed after this. I was only 18. I know have a son, healthy beautiful son, (same dad, but now in prison) So im a single mother struggling to raise a son by myself! I wouldn't trade it for the world! But today is special today Hailey would have been 6 years old! I often wonder what she would look like, how she would act, what she would be doing right now if she was still here. I know and I understand god needed that sweet baby up there with him. I will see her again one day. Thanks for listening to me. Cheryl

You are not alone. Ten years ago, October 28, 1996, i had a newborn infant son who died four days old. Noone knew anything was wrong before he was born, because he was using me to live. His heart and lungs were not formed right and he could not survive long or breathe on his own. We had to make the humane decision to shut off the machines because he was struggling for each and every breath and because his heart and lungs were not formed properly, he would never survive. Instead of putting him through the agony of trying to breath and feeling like he was suffercating, we shut the machines off. He was born on the 25th and died on the 28th. It was the worst thing i have ever been through in my life and today, it still tears me up to discuss it, even after years of counseling. Kudos to you for sharing your experience. Today, i have a son, who is 17, and a one year old daughter, i would not trade either of them for the entire world, but it does not lessen my loss any. Hugs and comfort to you. Kim

My heart goes out to both of you, I too have been there. My 2nd pregnancy was twins but only my little guy Alex is with us now. I haven't updated in quite some time but here is the link to our story: http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/a/alexandalexis/ . I am sorry that you had to go through this and the worst part is not knowing why. take care and have a happy easter.