Troubled Teen-Need help?

Hi! I am new here. I just had surgery 2 weeks ago, so I am just now finding my way around the website. It has been a life-saver. Onto my dillema: I have a 13 year old son who is not doing well. I was a single mother for 7 years and tried the best I could. I got married 5 years ago to a great man. We now have 2 other little babies. My son adapted pretty well to them. He knows I love him and no one can replace him. Anyway, he is failing in school and has been suspended outside of school 2 times this year. Next altercation will result in expulsion. He seems to have a lot of anger issues. We have tried the counseling route, the sending him to his father's, to his grandparents and the end result is that he burns all bridges. I am at a loss. I have considered working part time on the weekends so I can put him in a private Christian school, but my husband is against this. I cannot give up on him. I cannot let him go to the dark side, for you Star Wars fans. I would love any ideas or advice. Thank you, Alexis Miller California

Alexis, I'm am so sorry to hear about the problems you are having with your son. I never understood why some kids have such problems. As parents, we always blame ourselves first. It's a burden! LOL It sounds like you have tried so much and are not seeing relief. I'm so sorry. I worry about my oldest son. He has anger problems too, and is heading into middle school. At one point I pulled him out and homeschooled him. (3rd and 4th grade) My other children are nothing like this - he has thrown tantrums since birth! I really think the homeschooling helped alot. It gave us alot of one on one time and gave him some time reflecting on himself. He's not perfect yet, and has been back in school for a year now, but I'm hoping the maturity he's gained will start showing up. Alot of times the peers that they hang around with cause some strife. Could that be the case with your son? Do you think that all of the anger is stemming from jealousy at home, or could he just be running in the wrong circles? I'm no counselor, just wondering a little and trying to help you figure out what's wrong. I wish you the best. I hope you can find a solution soon! I'm here if you need to talk. HUGS Kimberly

I don't know if I have the answers for you, but I just wanted to send you a (((hug))) I also have a 13 year old son and my situation is a little similar. I started dating a great guy when my son was just 4, we married when he was 9. We now have a 2 year old baby. My older son starting having trouble in school a few years ago. (although he always had behaviorial problems) We only had mild anger issues with him, but he was moody, lying horrible attitude, and failing classes. At that time I decided to stop working and for us it made a tremendous difference. (please don't think I'm suggesting your a bad mom if you work!!!) Me being home to help him with his homework and projects really helped him a lot. Another thing that helped was, (believe it or not) starting him in Boy Scouts! SO many positive male role models in his troop. He loves camping and hiking and is really starting to move up the ladder and he wants to become an Eagle Scout now! And I finally have something he cares about to take away from him if he acts up or gets bad grades!! Best of luck to you!! ~Leslie

Hi Leslie (and all!) You hit the nail right on the head. I am no expert, but I do have experience with "troubled" teens. I am a foster Mom to a 12 going on 13 year old boy. (And have had many other children in my home.) He is a terrific boy and has ADHD. My advice to you all is to "listen" to your kids. Also, keep them busy. If they are bored, they are gonna find things to do! (Whether you like it or not!) But the ticket is to actually listen to your kids. I am not saying that it works everytime, but it will show your child that you care enough about him to listen to him. Mind you, if you feel what he is saying is not right or inappropriate, you have to acknowledge that. All I am saying is give him the chance to explain himself, etc... I also feel structure, routine (consistency) and discipline (no corporal punishment) are very important. But like i said earlier, I am by no means an expert. I am just a woman that loves all kids and wants to make a difference in her kids lives. I have taken courses through our local Family & Children's Services (Foster parenting) and they have opened my eyes to alot of new ideas and I have used them with great success. I wish you all the best and hopefully I helped out a bit! Eve

I too am having a similiar problem. I am a divorced mom of one son who is sixteen and he is having a "I don't Care attitude". He doesn't like going over to his Fathers and his new step mother every other weekend. He isn't doing good in school. And the beginning of this year he would come home from school and get on his computer game "Final Fantasy". The school did finally get involved in November about all of his absence. But I was unable to go to the meeting with the school so my Ex-husband went. He needs to shape up with his grades and behavior or he will have to go live with his dad full-time and I know deep down that would not be good for his psyche because, my son doesn't not like changes and he would have to go to a new school and make new friends. He is shy. He would have to move to MAryland, where my ex lives and he tells me the schools are not that good. It hurts because of this I don't care about anything.