How to stay connected...

Hi New to Parent forum. Still in the researching stage of WLS. I have been blessed with two (spoiled) children. My DH and I work opposite shifts to cover child care. We have one day off together. But both of us use that time for Dr appt or running errands. My daughter (5y-6y in Sept) is a good child. She is very strong willed, spoiled and demanding. She whines and throws fits to get her way. We have tried every punishment suggested. She stresses both of us out. My son (2y-3y in Oct) has a fit every afternoon when she comes home from school. He has started yelling at her to be quiet and hits her. My question is... How do you stay connected as a couple? I am so stressed/depressed my libdo is on NO go. I never have "couple time" to cuddle or talk about anything. I love my spouse dearly. He is a wonderful man. But since having children I miss "our time -us". We went out to dinner a couple of weeks ago. And had nothing to talk about. I did not want to spoil it by bringing this up; No time together. I miss my friend. And I know he misses me too... Come on parents....I know you can relate *** Any ideas Tasha

My DH and I also work opposite shifts to avoid day care as well (w/3 kids, we'd never be able to afford it!). Our days can get so busy and hectic, that even though we are together, we aren't really. We do everything as a family (can't afford or even know a babysitter) so there is no "alone time" during the day. For us, our 'couple time' is after the kids go to bed at nite. We talk, share stories, watch a movie/t.v., whatever. That's about our only time to connect. Maybe after the kids are in bed you can sit outside enjoying the nite and talk? If you're running errands and going to appts, make and SCHEDULE an appt w/each other for 30mins-1hr or so to be able to catch up w/each other, talk, or just hold hands/each other. My problem is the sexual area of our marriage. 90+% of the time I'm EXHAUSTED!!!! I'd MUCH rather SLEEP than have sex. Not that I don't like sex, I'm just too tired to get into and STAY in the mood. I can walk into the bathroom to take my bath and be all 'worked up', and by the time I walk into the bedroom, I've lost all interest. I don't know if you ever listen to talk radio at all, or if you know who Dr. Laura is, but a suggestion of hers is (for when your not in the mood) to let your DH get things started, and soon you'll be aroused and in the mood. (if not, just go for it anyway she says) I haven't tried that yet, so I can't say if it works (too easy to just tell DH I'm too tired) or not, but it's worth a shot. I do know that your marriage *should* come 1st, even before the kids. You are doing a great service to your marriage, and setting an awesome example to your children when you show how much you care about your marriage.

Thanks.... sent ya an email Te

The policy in our marriage is to say no as little as possible in the sexual area. We figure we may not be in the mood at first, but if we talk about it, mess around a little, rub backs whatever we get in the mood. Exhaustion does sex in for us too. We hardly ever sleep together anymore because my husband is up trying to do email and things and passes out in his chair after I have gone to bed. I get up at 5am and come out and get him. We also work split shifts, but mine is 7p-3:30am so by the time I get home he is already in bed and I am ready to be. You just have to make time whenever you can. Our favorite time is in the afternoon on my husbands days off when the toddler is down for his nap. I always nap when our son naps, but my husband comes and "wakes me up". Good luck. Try not to say no too often and things will work out for you. If not there is always college. Kerry