Need Advise

Thanks Jen, Allie and Marsha for talking to me in the middle of the night and ya'll gave me some great advice. I am gonna bring this out so I can hopefully get more advice before I make the big call. I got a call from a friend who was told by another friend that she saw Jacksons dads cousin. He told her Richard was at the hospital that Jackson was born at and had suffered a severe stoke. So I called up there and talked to the nurse. He is in the ICU and she wasn't able to give me much info accept that it would be to scary for Jackson to come up there and then gave me his sisters number to call for more info. Now the huge problem is noone is Richards family knows about Jackson. He lives with a woman (even though we have had relations this entire time) So if I call his sister then I will blow it all for him. BUT if it is as serious as it sounds, then They and I have a right to know about each other. I don't know why he still has the power to get me this upset. I am sure it has alot to do with Jackson growing up without his dad (not like he is there for him anyways) I didn't grow up with my dad but his death hit me hard anyway (thatnks Tammy for helping me get closure) So opinions. Call as a "friend" or just out him to his sister and call as his "babies momma". I really want them to kn ow about him reguardless of Richards health, but now feel it is more important because something has happend. Sincerly, Can't sleep, oh so tired, emotional, momma to Jackson

Jess- Tough call... BUT this is what I'd do (I know you all love my "buts" :lol) Go see him solo in the hospital without Jackson. They're right, might be too tramautic for Jackson especially if he's unconsious. Maybe they'll let you in to see him if you explain you only want a short visit and that he's your son's father. Bring a picture of Jackson-- if you have one (or several) with Richard and Jackson all the better, and put it on his bedside table. If he's unconsious, I'd say all the better because when he wakes up, he'll have to do the explaining to all his family and (girl)friends why he has a picture of a baby that says "Jackson and his Daddy" on the back of it. You can leave your number with the nurse in charge and ask that the family (aka sister) contacts YOU to let you know his status and when would be a good time for Jackson to see his father. Let the nurse blow the news. If you don't hear anything in a couple of days, call yourself and let her know you left your number with the nurse and explain who you are. I hope everything comes out ok. Hugs to you.... it's a rough time for you- Janine

You know what Jess... I changed my mind. Call her yourself as Jackson's mom. You let Richard off the hook on a lot of things, now is the time to make things right for JACKSON. Richard's sister has the right to know that she's an aunt and who knows... she might surprise us both and want to be an active part of Jackson's life. You have a right to know how Jackson's father is doing. I wouldn't expect her to be immediately receptive to Jackson but the fact that she (and then his other family members) knows about Jackson will be a huge weight off your chest and might make all the difference in the world to Jackson in the future. I'm sending you some "be strong" vibes! Hugs- Janine

Hi Jess ~ I'm concerned that finding out about you and Jackson would be an awful lot to put on his sister and family out of the blue...they're probably distraught at having Richard in the hospital as it is. I'm sure that once they find out about Jackson, that they'll accept him, I'm just not sure that now is the time. If I were you, I'd visit him alone (without Jackson) and hopefully you'll run into his sister or someone in his family and you can introduce yourself as a "special friend" and leave your phone number and ask for them to keep you updated on his condition. Then I'd visit again and bring a picture of Richard and Jackson together to put on his bedside table...kinda like breaking it to the family in baby steps. I don't know Richard, obviously, but I've read your posts about him and don't care for him very much. But if he is so very sick, then I think you should be the bigger person and try to be available for him, even if he doesn't really deserve it. Its always best not to have any regrets, just in case. (My father died while we were estranged and it haunts me). Cheryl Mom to Baby Alexander 7/10/2006