What happened to this place?!?!?!

I am about to celebrate nine years since my surgery and decided to check in for the first time in forever.  What in the world happened to this forum?  The PA forum used to be one of the most active state forums on all of Obesity Help!  I was hoping to reach out and get some help, but it looks like I'm writing this to myself.  Anyway, I had lost 165 pounds and have now put back on almost 50 of those pounds.  For the first couple years, I was the poster child for weight loss surgery.  I did EVERYTHING by the book.  I even led a Barix Clinics support group in Chadds Ford and also filled in at times at Langhorne.  That Langhorne group used to get over 50 people regulary show up every meeting.  Does it still exist and what are the turnouts like?  It would be nice to see some of the old timers come back because this place used to play a HUGE role in providing an incredible source of inspiration, support and general friendships.  I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one of that group that has struggled to keep the weight off.  

Hi Andy!!!!!  I remember you!!!  I help facilitate the support groups at Barix in Langhorne now.  This past Saturday there were only about 10 people in attendance, and everyone there (except for myself and the dietician) were pretty newly out from surgery.  I had a 45 pound regain in my history, and a lovely (NOT!) trip into alcoholism, but was able to get back on track, now sober 4+ years and have lost everything I had gained plus more.  Getting back to support was key for me.  I'm sad that so many people either don't feel they need the support or are struggling alone, feeling like they somehow failed.   

I am so glad that you're still fighting the good fight.  I remember during both pre and post surgery, one of the things that we learned was that there was no such thing as a finish line.  It used to bother me to no end when someone would post "100 pounds gone FOREVER".  You play a very dangerous game of setting yourself up for failure when you make a comment like that.  It yells out "I've got this thing licked"!!!  As any veteran weight loss surgery patient can attest, there is no such thing as having it licked.  Yes, an educated one has a leg up on someone who just has the surgery, loses some weight, and then just lets the natural course of events take place.  It's about being proactive.  It's obvious to me that you've continued to use the tools you were given early on in your battle of obesity.

I'm guessing some of the other veterans that were originally a huge part of the "old" Pennsylvania forum are supporting one another through other social media outlets.  And, good for them!  But, it does rob the rest of the community that aren't involved in those other outlets of their experience.  I know when I originally posted last week, I was hoping to find some familiar faces to reach out to me and give me some much needed words of encouragement.  Instead, I see a few people have viewed my post, but no responded - until yours.  Weight loss surgery is a life long commitment and that means having access to places like this.  My prayer is that some of those veterans read my post, contact one another and make an all out effort to get this place back to where it once was - as the very best state board on all of obesity help!!!

As for me, my life has taken a VERY unseen turn for the better.  After a marriage separation during the early part of my weight loss journey, I dated a couple of different women whom I had met through this journey (I know you know who they are, but I'm not going to get into all of that - this isn't the place).  My divorce became official shortly after that and I was forced to move in with my sister because we had to sell the house and I couldn't afford to live on my own.  What was supposed to be a few months, turned into three years.  Unfortunately, during those three years, I became increasingly dependent on alcohol.  When I was finally able to afford to move into my own place, I found myself extremely lonely and depressed.  I turned to alcohol even more heavily.  Eventually, I was persuaded to enter myself into a faith-based addiction recovery center in New Jersey for five months.  It was there that I turned my life over to God.  I became a born again Christian on December 5, 2013 and my life hasn't been the same since.  I now have something I have never had in my life before - direction and a purpose.  It took me 46 years to realize that I couldn't do this thing called life by myself.  All that did was get me into a bunch of trouble, almost homeless and no clue where my life was going.  Now I live my life every single day for Christ and have started taking online classes at Harrisburg Area Community College.  I will be transferring to Lancaster Bible College next January to take nine bible courses and a literary course by C.S. Lewis to obtain a degree that I'm hoping is God's will to become either a Pastor at a local church or as a Chaplain and return to the Christian recovery facility that had transformed my life.  God is so good!!!  

{{{Andy}}} Welcome home.  Yours is an absolutely amazing story.  I've got chills reading it.  I know too many people who have experienced the similar journey into alcoholism after surgery.  There is a transfer addiction group here on OH, which like this one has a lot of members and very little activity.  I also run a FB group called Transfer Addictions After Weight Loss Surgery where people come to give and get support.  I work a 12-step program of recovery with an OA sponsor and attend Celebrate Recovery at a local church. 

I remember one relationship you were in.  At the time of my surgery, I was struggling in a very bad, abusive marriage.  I got divorced the year after my surgery and am getting re-married this June to an amazingly wonderful man. 

Life certainly has its ups and downs, but I'm with you that I want to live every day in conscious contact with my Higher Power (who I know as Jesus).  :-) 

I'll jump in, even though I no longer live in PA.

My surgery was at Barix in Juky 2009. 105 lbs gone! But 35 came back and I am working diligently in that. It is si slow, I lose patience....then realize I am headed the right direction. The old habits never really die, they just lie in wait for us to get complacent.

i truly loved the Barix support meetings when I was able to attend - often drove from Lancaster on a Saturday - and met wonderful people that I am still in touch with. Some have moved, as I have (Trish is now living near her daughter in Michigan). Some left the support group to do other things, and I know a few who have regained weight...

The issue of regain is more emotional than physical. I mean, we had this drastic surgery....and regaining weight must mean we failed. There is a lot of shame, a lot of guilt, a lot of self doubt. We know so well what dieting failure is. It's scary to face facts that pounds have come back on. I dare say this is the next phase of the REAL work. 

Anyway, I stay in touch with many post ops via Facebook, but rarely talk weight loss. I check out the Grads forum and the RNY board as well. And every so often stop here. Yes, it's grown quiet over the years. 

Does Barix still promote OH as a resource? Are they as busy as they used to be overall? 

Hi Lynn,

So glad you did decide to jump in!  This place could use as many of us veterans as possible.  Maybe there are a bunch more who pop in once and a while and, because of how dead this place is, they decide not to post anything.  After gaining almost 50 pounds of my weight back, I am looking for any and all support that I can get.

You're right, there were some truly wonderful and caring and supportive individuals that used to attend those Barix meetings.  And, man oh man, that place used to get packed!!!  Dennis Belk ran the group for the majority of the time I attended and that guy had a God-given talent for touching the hearts of so many.  To this day, I still consider him the prime reason as to why I was able to stay so focused.  I miss the friendship he and I had shared for a couple of years.  I haven't seen him around here, I hope he's doing well.  It was people like him and Shauna and Nan that inspired so many people. I know I'm leaving some names out, but cut this old man some slack - it's been almost a decade now!

I'm glad you're staying in touch with post ops on Facebook.  From what I heard, that is where a few of the people here had ventured to.  That's awesome!  I just wish they would pop in here once in a while to lend some of their experience to some of the pre ops and recent post ops that have never seen the PA board as a true place for support.  I keep saying, it is my prayer that God brings some of those familiar faces back around.  Remember, this journey is for life, not just a few years.  Take care Lynn and God bless!!!

Andy,

So nice to read your post and the responses thereto. . .  happy to see you have gotten to a place in life where you have found a purpose and what an amazing testament to the power of something greater than us.

I have not been on this site in forever, for many of the reasons stated, the board changed and there was little to no activity as more and more people use social media and so I slowly started my own detour, one that found me with the shame, guilt and a sense that I failed at something that was my "last chance".  There are many reasons, but as someone in a 12 Step program, I see them more as excuses, though in some way, there were some pretty jarring life events that affected my emotional well being and I slowly slid back to the one thing in my life that gives me pleasure, something I don't have to go far to have to enjoy, because my reality has always been that all things related to food bring me pleasure, the shopping, prepping, cooking and sharing of it.  Losing my one and only sibling to the disease of obesity, at the young age of 47.5 years of age, was, and still is, something I have not recovered from.  I believe in God, I believe that all things of this earth have a beginning and end, but that my baby brother is not here is something I still hurt from, I miss him every day.  However, now that the grief is more manageable, I realize that eating to soothe those feelings is not going to resolve these feelings and certainly not going to bring my brother back and so I have been trying to get back on track towards a healthy form of living.

I agree with the thought, "lost 100 lbs. forever" mentality is totally off-base, I never had that and always believed that the fat cells of my body are hungry to be fed and so I did feed them to the tune of a regain of 50 lbs. from my lowest weight.  I, too, was a support group leader, did that for 5 years and I loved it, it put me front and center and kept me accountable, but I also felt it was time for me to step off of that and give attention to other areas of my life.  I guess where I went wrong was I just stopped seeking support and thought I could work what I had learned into living, which was the wrong mentality, the "I got this" mentality.

The wonderful thing of life is, you learn best from the mistakes you make.  In November I was hospitalized, a hernia and subsequent obstruction became an emergency surgery in early December and because of that I now have a new surgeon, one who is attached to a local practice and will not, as Barix surgeons do, leave Barix and subsequently when I needed them most, left me high and dry.  As part of his commitment to me, I had to commit to him that I would do my part towards getting back on track.  

I am now heading back to what I was resisting and here is what I'm doing to change:  met with a nutritionist to help to evaluate what I had gotten away from.  She made me realize that there were some things I still did right, vitamins, not drinking before and after eating and logging my food, which helped us figure out what I needed to change.  Hydration (anyone reading this staying hydrated is a MUST, thirst mimicks hunger, not to mention has an adverse effect for us WLS folks) and more protein (the numbers I was given upon maintenance stage, this nutritionist says is too low for me, she said my protein intake should be between 75 and 90 a day and consist of lowfat variety, I was eating way too many almonds (good protein, way too much fat)), were at the top of what needs to change and a minimum of 30 minutes of sweativity (my word for exercise, which by the way I HATE) at least 3x a week is also needed.  

I turn 60 this year and I have two grandbabies coming, one next month and another late August, so, I am recommitted to doing what I must, I know that it can be done, Jill is a wonderful example to me of having faced challenges and who was able to turn it around.  

Well there it is, where I'm at and where I'm headed. . . This is a journey, the destination, well there really isn't one and while we can get lost, with willingness and guidance, we can find our way back onto the road of "successing"!

Laureen

Hey Laureen!  How awesome to see you post!  This place certainly has changed over the years.  I can remember when you'd have to go two or three pages deep to find posts that were put up on that day.  Now you can go back a couple of years without much effort.  This place was - and can still be - a great place for support.  I know that for a large number of us, we used to be on here, seemingly, 24/7.  My fear is that, although there are obviously some who stay in touch, that there are even more who have seen this place fall apart and are going - much like I have - without any sport at all.

Don't beat yourself up over the 50 pounds.  I did that for far too long and realized that, just as I hadn't "lost 100 pounds FOREVER", I also hadn't gained 50 pounds "forever".  The bottom line is, we still have access to the tool known as weight loss surgery and, if we can muster up the desire to get back on track, losing those 50 pounds again is something very doable.  That's where I'm at right now.  For two weeks now, my wife and I have sat down and gone over menus before going to the grocery store so we can maximize our percentages of having mostly healthy food in the house.  I also go to the gym about three times a week right now.  Granted, those are baby steps compared to the all out onslaught we come out of surgery with.  But, hey, it sure beats making those 50 pounds become 60 pounds...and 70....you get the idea.

I totally get where you're coming from about accountability and the support group leader position.  Most of the old timers never knew this about me, but I would literally starve myself the couple of days leading up to the support group meetings just so I could weigh as little as possible when I got on the scale and so those new clothes I had just bought looked as good as possible.  I used to almost come to tears when I would look at myself sideways in the mirror and still see a little roll right around the waistline - even though I was in a 32 waist and only weighed around 180 pounds - skinny by most people's standards.  In a nutshell, I was obsessed and, in a way, that obsession allowed me to stay on track for a very long time.  Oh, what I wouldn't give to have even a portion of that obsession-led hunger and desire back!!!

Well, I'll let you go Laureen, I just wanted to hop on here to thank you for your reply and to say how great it was to hear from you.  I'll continue to pray that some of the old timers hop on here and see us posting and chime in as well.  There is absolutely no reason why - with all the weight loss facilities in the state - that Pennsylvania can't once again climb to the top of OH state boards!  I, for one, would LOVE to see it.  Take care and God bless!!!

Laureen, when is your birthday? I turn 60 on 8/8!! 'Twas a very good year!