I have a surgery date and other mental issues...

Well for those who know a little bit about me I am a touring musician and photographer.  Yesterday I ended a run over over 60 shows in a three month summer.  I am beat. 

On Thursday before I took off for 5 days straight of work... Dr, Williams office called and told me I was approved for my revision.  I had a band in 1999 and he wants to do a Lap RNY with me.  Well we quickly picked a date where I can get back on stage as fast as possible and scheduled a cardio test, nutrition group meeting and away we go.  I didnt think much about it till on the way home last night it hit me.  Here we go again. 

My surgery date is Oct 10th.  Columbus Day.  I have to tell you I am scared ****less all of a sudden.  I haven't told a soul... (other than my wife and now you guys) and am stuggling with that to do. Did I fail the first time?  I still kept off over 150 pounds 11 years later......  Am I a loser?  Why do I feel so embarrased to say anything to anyone?  I was the area's leading advocate for the surgery....  though IT IS NOT AN EASY WAY OUT.  it never was....  it's a road to better health.  My OH pages were the most traveled.  My blogs had hundreds of visitors a day. then I quietly went away....  now what.... 

My wife is worried about long term effects and what will change...  will we be at this road again 11 years from now?  what will change really?

I am just worried.  I am 40... do i get a will made?   ugh.  wow. my head is spinning...



I am talking out loud and dont' expect anyone to answer al the questions that I can't. 

Franco,

I think I can understand some of your fears and since you've traveled this road before, you obviously have some experience with some aspects of it, including what happens when we lose our way or make choices that are not in our best interests. 

My favorite line is from Maya Angelou, and it is "When you know better, You do better". . .  your past is just experience, experience can be one of our greatest assets if we take the lessons needed from the experiences of the past.  Fears can be friend, or can be a foe, it is your choice which it will become.  Let your past shortcomings be just that, and let the future be the living out of all you dream of achieving.  Sometimes we take detours, but we'd never have seen some of the wonderful things we have had we not detoured, so now that you've found the road you want to travel, do so with the hope and belief that you can and will do better this time around!

Best wishes as you continue your journey towards healthier living!

Laureen

Thank you for taking time to reply.  maya is a smart woman. 

You did not fail.  You have had success, and now you are going for more. 

I was originally going to have lap band, but went to the pre-op support group at Barix within a week of my consultation, and decided to go with RNY to start with, and I had mine Open.  I did not die.  I have not reached goal weight, but I refuse to see myself as a failure.

Good luck.  You will be fine.

Hugs,
Trish

As a Barix baby of only 2.5 years - I truly appreciate your words here.  I am sure you are scared - you are going under the knife - we were all scared.  However, you know what you need to do to get even more healthy.  You chose the band for reasons known to you and your family and now the opportunity to continue presents itself.  I find it wonderful!  You said you kept off 150 pounds - WOW!!!!!!  That is a **** load of weight! 

Remember, we are always working on ways to better ourselves.  If we think we are done working on improving then where do we have to go?  The fact that you are still working it 11 years later gives me continued hope.  When I originally decided to go through with the surgery I thought to myself only, not even my husband knew this, that hey - if I at least have a five year window to be thin, then I will take it.  It was not until I really understood the process and the people along this journey that this is NOT a short fix - and it is NOT easy.  I am now at the halfway mark to that 5 year window I thought about originally and I have certainly changed my thinking - I have crappy days and great days and most are somewhere in the middle.  But what I do know, is that this is for the long haul.  NEVER GIVE UP!

I am proud of you for moving forward and I thank you for putting this out there for those if us so far behind you to take a look at!  I wish you CONTINUED success as you move forward for your health and family.  (And, PS - 40 is an amazing age - I am 42, and my life changed one month prior to my 40th birthday!)

Lots of love and strength!

 You are an inspiration.  You are also one of the success stories.  11 years out and kept off 150 lbs, that's awesome.  I'm only 6 months out (and 42, I do wish I would have done this sooner) and I hope I have done as well as you at my 11 year Surgiversary.  Keep up the good work.

you guys have made my week.  thank you for the kind words.  I still haven't told anyone.  I guess sooner or later I am gonna have to make the plans that we all dread... the just in case something happens plans......  ugh. 

Franco,

    You did great with the band and if you ready the statics you are a success. I feel your feelings about being scared are normal part of the journey you have been here before so you understand what is ahead of you but also in those 11 years they have made so many new strides in this journey.

  You were one of the early pioneers on oh and in your writings about the WLS joinery and you are also touching our lives now.

  I am glad you mentioned that you have not said anything to anyone since we have a mutual friend and also when you are ready I will bring some of these amazing WLS people to come see your band. We also will never say how we know you we because this is a personal choice to have this surgery and we would never disrespect you that. As someone that has had that happen to I am sensitive to the disclosure. I had an Comic MC tell a sold out room of over 200 people.

  Keep talking to us we are here for you.

I am not one of the closet people who will just tell all their friends that they lost all the weight at the gym.  I have always stood my ground when I tell people NOT TO HAVE THE SURGERY.  And they look at my before and after pictures and think... heavens why.....  and i look them in the eye and tell them that it's no easy way out.  No where near easy.  It sucks.  You watch your friends eat and drink and you behave yourself so you aren't in the bathroom throwing up or on the toilet.  Your social and emotional eating is striken away.  You fight and you fight and somedays you win and some days you loose.  But beach body I'll never have....  but will I fit in the seat at the movies?  go on a job interview and not worry about the kind of seats I am going to sit in?  get into a plane and not worry about where I am sitting?  yes.  that is all possible.  

I won't hide it.  I will talk to whoever wants to talk about it.  Part of me is still in shock I think.  

Hi Franco, I am new to the forums and I am still in the pre-authorization phase; don't even have my surgery date yet. I appreciate the honesty and emotion of your post and your willingness to trust and share. Having kept 150 pounds off is a great sucess in my opinion! I am one of those people who is choosing to "keep quiet and low key" about my plan for surgery except with a few very close friends and here on the forum. I think that this will change later as I grow my confidence, but this is the right choice for me at this point.

You have been on your journey much longer time than I have and I am touched that you are still willing to talk about fear. THAT is a fearless thing to do!.. and I congratulate you on for persistence and courage to keep moving forward and try another tool in your weight loss challenge.
I wish you all the best. Take care and be well.  Marianne