Very upsetting...
I went to meet my dietician for the first time today, needless to say it was far from what I expected and definately far from a nice meeting.
Ill tell you a few tid-bits first... I gained 2 pounds from the first time I went in, this time I was weighed with my jacket and boots on (its cold out...), and I just got over my period (if your a female you kow you retain water and bloat...naturally) I have cut out about half of the sugary drink I normally would have and cut my portions by half. Oh and Im 21, (young I know, but after a life of diets I feel like Im 60)
Now...in the meeting she made me feel like I was a total idiot, telling me Im young, this is a life changing decision and its not something that I can just have changed if I dont want it (which I know, Ive researched this for 2 years now). So with her running in the assumsion that Im a total moron and havent looked up or researched a thing about this, she made jokes about me being in school and that I need to get back to class. She pretty much made me leave there hating myself for drinking too many calories and wishing that I had just lied about what I was eating and drinking.
It really seemed like she was upset that I am as young as I am and wanting to get bariatric surgery, as if I hadnt been fat my entire life and been on a diet of some kind since 5th grade. I just feel like she should be someone trying to help me change, not critizing me for things I havent fully changed yet (Ive only been in the program for a month or so, am I honestly supposed to be calorie drink free, and eat like a bird at this point?...Im trying truely but baby steps)
I dont know....I just feel a bit hopeless now. And I guess I just needed to tell someone else....so thank you for letting me waste you time. It is very appreciated.
Ill tell you a few tid-bits first... I gained 2 pounds from the first time I went in, this time I was weighed with my jacket and boots on (its cold out...), and I just got over my period (if your a female you kow you retain water and bloat...naturally) I have cut out about half of the sugary drink I normally would have and cut my portions by half. Oh and Im 21, (young I know, but after a life of diets I feel like Im 60)
Now...in the meeting she made me feel like I was a total idiot, telling me Im young, this is a life changing decision and its not something that I can just have changed if I dont want it (which I know, Ive researched this for 2 years now). So with her running in the assumsion that Im a total moron and havent looked up or researched a thing about this, she made jokes about me being in school and that I need to get back to class. She pretty much made me leave there hating myself for drinking too many calories and wishing that I had just lied about what I was eating and drinking.
It really seemed like she was upset that I am as young as I am and wanting to get bariatric surgery, as if I hadnt been fat my entire life and been on a diet of some kind since 5th grade. I just feel like she should be someone trying to help me change, not critizing me for things I havent fully changed yet (Ive only been in the program for a month or so, am I honestly supposed to be calorie drink free, and eat like a bird at this point?...Im trying truely but baby steps)
I dont know....I just feel a bit hopeless now. And I guess I just needed to tell someone else....so thank you for letting me waste you time. It is very appreciated.
You can vent.
Do I think she was harsh? From the sounds of it, yes. It could just be the way she is. It could be she wants you to really think about this. Not to defend poor behavior and bad wording...but it could be that she has seen so many people go "I didn't know it would be like this", or realize after the fact that this is sooo far from the easy way out and they seemed shocked by it. Even those who have "researched it" can be taken a back.
There are days I'm taken aback by how hard it is - and I'm 3 years out and know the routine, lol
Hang in there, vent, and move on. There will most certainly be MANY hurdles along your journey, don't let them derail you. You can move on and leave the negative people have their negative feelings and stay at peace with your decision.
P
Instead of complaining that the rosebush has thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses. 
Playing Devil's Advocate...............
Many people DO think it's a quick fix.
Many people do not exhaust every other option before turning to WLS.
Many people do not understand the HUGE life changing decision it is.
Many people do not understand the dicipline and dedication it takes to succeed.
I am not defending her. But this entire process is about being real. Facing the fact that you eat too much, drink too many calories, do not exercise, etc. It's realizing that ALL OF THAT has to change, and it changes forever.
I am glad you have researched. But if this one meeting has discouraged you, maybe you aren't ready.
WLS is BIGGER and HARDER than you can ever research. And that's just the truth.
It's the most wonderful thing I have ever done. I am a successful 6 year post op, so I am not just running my mouth about things I don't understand. I am being real.
If you are sincere, and dedicated to this decision, then you will take advice, change your diet, and prepare yourself for a wonderful journey ahead.
Many people DO think it's a quick fix.
Many people do not exhaust every other option before turning to WLS.
Many people do not understand the HUGE life changing decision it is.
Many people do not understand the dicipline and dedication it takes to succeed.
I am not defending her. But this entire process is about being real. Facing the fact that you eat too much, drink too many calories, do not exercise, etc. It's realizing that ALL OF THAT has to change, and it changes forever.
I am glad you have researched. But if this one meeting has discouraged you, maybe you aren't ready.
WLS is BIGGER and HARDER than you can ever research. And that's just the truth.
It's the most wonderful thing I have ever done. I am a successful 6 year post op, so I am not just running my mouth about things I don't understand. I am being real.
If you are sincere, and dedicated to this decision, then you will take advice, change your diet, and prepare yourself for a wonderful journey ahead.
When life hands you lemons, ask for tequila & salt and give me a call!
R K.
on 11/3/10 8:19 pm
on 11/3/10 8:19 pm
On November 3, 2010 at 7:30 PM Pacific Time, MissMaryMert wrote:
Ive decided Im just going to do so much better this month that she will feel sheepish for the way she was. Who knows, she could have been just having a bad day too... but Ill just suck it up and use it to my advantage.But thank you both for your input and voices of reason to the situation
Author Jones used to tell a story about motivation. Back in the day a King wanted a giant stone carried to the top of a mountain to be a monument to his kingdom. He got 100 peasants to roll it up but they only got half way and it rolled back down. One peasant said "we need more people". The king said "no" and had his guards shoot 50 of the peasants. Now the 50 left tried but failed so the king had 10 more shot and ordered the last 30 to haul it up and they succeeded in doing what 100 couldn't. They had some serious motivation to succeed.
*
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
— Randy Pausch
"If I only had three words of advice, they would be, Tell the Truth. If got three more words, I'd add, all the time."
— Randy Pausch
sorry you are having this and it is discouraging. i hope this is the dietitian for the pre surgery diet and not the nutritionist for the surgeon. after surgery the nutritionist is very important and your relationship with that person is important because you will be seeing one every visit to the surgeon. since you have to see the team of nurse, doctor, nutritionist every few months the first year, make sure you can get along with both before you settle on the doctor.
Not sure who your surgeon is or what program you are going with- but you are not alone. I am not a fan of the dietician at my surgeon's office. She made me feel like an idiot and that if I would just cut down on my portion size I would lose weight--- well duh!!! Don't you think I would have tried that already, so that's why I am here! I chose surgeon for his skills, not his office staff; did what I need to do to get approval and grinned and bared it and had minimal interactions with the staff that I didn't like.
Good Luck!
Good Luck!
My dietician is that way...(or from my take so far, thats the way she is). Its nice to know someone was in ythe exact same spot as me and made it through in one piece, I think an amazing surgeon is probably worth a not so nice dietician. (Im going to Hershey PA, they have the certificate of excellence, not sure what the exact term is but thats it)
I am sorry you had a bad experience with the dietician. Reality is, her words may have been truth, but her delivery caused you to feel poorly about yourself.
I am four years out, and I am so grateful for the therapist I have who has helped me learn coping skills to not use food when my emotions are not right. One thing I was not told to do was get into therapy. I already was, and I recommend it to anyone considering the surgery.
Food is a drug to me, just like my alcohol is. Just like I have to have a program to stay sober, I must take daily steps to keep my mind away from wanting to sabotage my surgery with eating the wrong foods.
Good luck with your future visits with this dietician.
Trish
I am four years out, and I am so grateful for the therapist I have who has helped me learn coping skills to not use food when my emotions are not right. One thing I was not told to do was get into therapy. I already was, and I recommend it to anyone considering the surgery.
Food is a drug to me, just like my alcohol is. Just like I have to have a program to stay sober, I must take daily steps to keep my mind away from wanting to sabotage my surgery with eating the wrong foods.
Good luck with your future visits with this dietician.
Trish
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Hi MissMary.... and welcome - I don't think i've seen you on this board before.
It's a shame that her delivery made you feel bad about yourself. This was your first meeting with her, so she's trying to learn what makes you tick, just as you're learning about her. What she saw as her first impression was someone who was "moving in the wrong direction" on the scale, and someone who possibly isn't putting everything she has into the effort. Again, HER perspective based on limited information.
What you need to do is either use this as motivation to set new expectations for yourself to prove her wrong OR if you can't be motivated by her, find another dietician. I would strongly encourage you to use this as motivation.
Wishing you had lied about what you are eating and drinking isn't going to get you anywhere. You can lie to yourself, lie to your doc, lie to your dietician.... but you can't lie to Mother Nature. The simple equation is that if you decrease calories and increase movement, your body will burn off fat and decrease weight. Yes, as girls we do retain water at certain times of the month... and our body weight can fluctuate a good 2 - 4 pounds a day just in terms of fluid retention and what our digestive systems are processing. But we can't use that as an excuse over time.
You ask if you're really supposed to be calorie drink free at this point after "only" a month? My answer would be -- if you're serious about this, then YES. "Eating like a bird" (portion wise) will take a lot longer and that's where the tool of the surgery comes into play, but before surgery you CAN make the choice to start eliminating the things that are causing your problems and that you will need to eliminate post-surgery: sugar, high fat foods, and "white carbs" specifically. A challenge to you - spend the next week without eating or drinking anything that has more than 2g of added sugar per serving. That may help you get into a positive habit of being aware of the sugars in your foods and drinks and is what you'll be looking at post-surgery, and will help you start breaking that addiction.
When you suddenly eliminate an addictive substance (like sugar) from your diet, you will experience a type of withdrawal. You can do that now or you can do it later - but it's something you will have to do. You can maximize the effectiveness of your surgery by tackling it now so that you're not also going through sugar withdrawal while coping with the after-effects of major surgery.
As to your age, you ARE young, but that doesn't mean you're not a candidate for surgery - only your doctor and you can make that decision. However, she may be concerned that you are relying on your age as an excuse to take baby steps that are smaller than you are really capable of.
One key insight in this journey -- you have to be brutally honest with YOURSELF even if with no one else. Are you ready to make a huge commitment to change your relationship with food forever? Are you ready to tackle the thorny underlying issues behind WHY you have eaten yourself into a place where you feel you need surgery? Because if you are hesitant on these answers, you may not yet be ready. The surgery is only a small tool in your toolkit to tackle obesity - it will not fix eating disorders, head games, food addiction, binging, emotional eating, or any of that - just forces you to be more creative if you're going to continue to be an active dis-ordered eater.
I am in no way trying to discourage you from this - I just want you to be sure you're ready and that you've understood and INTERNALIZED (very different from knowing it intellectually) the true level of change and commitment that you're undertaking. I strongly recommend reading "Anatomy of a Food Addiction" by Anne Katherine (a book that changed my life) as prep for this journey... extremely insightful and some really startling information about how food and our brains are intertwined.
Sorry this has been long, but I hope it's been helpful!
Karen
It's a shame that her delivery made you feel bad about yourself. This was your first meeting with her, so she's trying to learn what makes you tick, just as you're learning about her. What she saw as her first impression was someone who was "moving in the wrong direction" on the scale, and someone who possibly isn't putting everything she has into the effort. Again, HER perspective based on limited information.
What you need to do is either use this as motivation to set new expectations for yourself to prove her wrong OR if you can't be motivated by her, find another dietician. I would strongly encourage you to use this as motivation.
Wishing you had lied about what you are eating and drinking isn't going to get you anywhere. You can lie to yourself, lie to your doc, lie to your dietician.... but you can't lie to Mother Nature. The simple equation is that if you decrease calories and increase movement, your body will burn off fat and decrease weight. Yes, as girls we do retain water at certain times of the month... and our body weight can fluctuate a good 2 - 4 pounds a day just in terms of fluid retention and what our digestive systems are processing. But we can't use that as an excuse over time.
You ask if you're really supposed to be calorie drink free at this point after "only" a month? My answer would be -- if you're serious about this, then YES. "Eating like a bird" (portion wise) will take a lot longer and that's where the tool of the surgery comes into play, but before surgery you CAN make the choice to start eliminating the things that are causing your problems and that you will need to eliminate post-surgery: sugar, high fat foods, and "white carbs" specifically. A challenge to you - spend the next week without eating or drinking anything that has more than 2g of added sugar per serving. That may help you get into a positive habit of being aware of the sugars in your foods and drinks and is what you'll be looking at post-surgery, and will help you start breaking that addiction.
When you suddenly eliminate an addictive substance (like sugar) from your diet, you will experience a type of withdrawal. You can do that now or you can do it later - but it's something you will have to do. You can maximize the effectiveness of your surgery by tackling it now so that you're not also going through sugar withdrawal while coping with the after-effects of major surgery.
As to your age, you ARE young, but that doesn't mean you're not a candidate for surgery - only your doctor and you can make that decision. However, she may be concerned that you are relying on your age as an excuse to take baby steps that are smaller than you are really capable of.
One key insight in this journey -- you have to be brutally honest with YOURSELF even if with no one else. Are you ready to make a huge commitment to change your relationship with food forever? Are you ready to tackle the thorny underlying issues behind WHY you have eaten yourself into a place where you feel you need surgery? Because if you are hesitant on these answers, you may not yet be ready. The surgery is only a small tool in your toolkit to tackle obesity - it will not fix eating disorders, head games, food addiction, binging, emotional eating, or any of that - just forces you to be more creative if you're going to continue to be an active dis-ordered eater.
I am in no way trying to discourage you from this - I just want you to be sure you're ready and that you've understood and INTERNALIZED (very different from knowing it intellectually) the true level of change and commitment that you're undertaking. I strongly recommend reading "Anatomy of a Food Addiction" by Anne Katherine (a book that changed my life) as prep for this journey... extremely insightful and some really startling information about how food and our brains are intertwined.
Sorry this has been long, but I hope it's been helpful!
Karen
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