Confessions of the Post op *****

Just call me DIB – I hate being this way and hate even more that I see this behavior and can’t seem to control it.  I have always been the upbeat, friendly, happy, patient, caring type and don’t get me wrong, this person still exists, but she now has this cloud over her that decides to rain comments, reactions and snipes without a weather report that they are coming.  I have mentioned this in support several ties and folks have said - good for you – you’re standing up for yourself now – you aren’t being a doormat and I get that thought process, but can’t help but feel that it is happening more often.

I need to get my snotty ass in check at work and at home – my husband has been a saint, but I fear he might go postal one of these days – I am fine with friends (so I think all of you are safe), but man have I been out o control....

All my levels are good, so I don’t think it is that.. any other post op *****es out there??

Maura  

Give yourself time. And learn to embrace that side of yourself because she IS part of you... she's a part that has been tamped down and kept in a very quiet little box for most of your life.  Now that she's found a voice, she's exercising it to reinforce that she's there.  Once you resolve the conflict within yourself and acknowledge that she's part of you, she'll become less vocal and you will feel more balanced. 

As we've talked about, part of it (early out) is hormonal (which they CAN'T measure with blood tests).  Another powerful part is reclaiming your sense of self-worth and losing the dormat syndrome.  You're at a point post op where the hormones MAY be tapering off (or may not be... you're less than a year out, right?), so it's all about finding balance and trusting yourself.

HUGS to you.  To BOTH of you.

Karen

Maura, 

   I have no answers but found since surgery I have no patients for poor behavior around me but where I was more *****y pre-op I find I am much more emotional then ever before. Some days I cry at the drop of a hat. Then other days I am needy and have to be told I am loved. Then there are days I could just rip poor Den's head off and bowl with it for no reason. He says that I can roll my eyes like no other yet he is calming and loving.

  Take one day at a time. Mark will always love you even if he has to just blow one afternoon to get you in check

You are aware of it and not in denial so I think that is a good place to start...

Love you ! 

Maura,

Everything said by Karen and Beth are right on, if you liked it that way, you would not be who you really are, that being said, you will get a handle on it. . . 

I, personally, never did angry or said what I really wanted to when I was younger, then I got sober (32 years young) and boy did that change things, I experienced what real anger was, which for me was very ugly to experience and I voiced my opinions on all things with brutal honesty, it was my way of coping as I used to say, "Used to keep it all inside and had ulcers, now I give ulcers". . .  it's been years since I felt the need to be "brutally honest", I've since learned how to better handle confrontation, more importantly learning that when I am in the emotional part of it all, it is not a good time to do so, in some instances, it is best to say, I need to discuss this with you, but now would not be a good time and then revisit the situation at a time when you can have a good conversation.  I will say that another layer of what you speak came up at about nine months to a year post-op, but because of my recovery program I managed to deal with it a bit better. . .  Maura, this is just part of the process for many of us, as Beth said, awareness is the key here and when you are ready to blow, try to think before you act. 

Take care, Laureen

Maura it is hard I know. Sometimes, people feel like they are being *****y because they have never been the type to say no or set boundaries, s healthy boundary setting feels *****y. I think alot of the struggles are how to create balance between door mat, and super ***** As with most things the pendulum swings back and forth and eventualy comes back to the middle. I see so often that the extremes come to pass before we figure out how to use our voice. I have no idea if any of this makes sense, guess what I am trying to say is Asking yourself why am I angry? 
AND start writing apology notes now lol

Here's a man's perspective, which by the way probably isn't to far off from everyone elses.  I agree that we as WLS'ers probably allowed ourselves to be treated more badly in the past when our self esteem probably wasn't the highest.  Swallowing our comments and allowing others to take advantage of us may have been the norm.  But when the self esteem increases we find it very hard to be the same person we were before.  We cant let those comments go anymore...we will not be treated badly by ourselves or anyone else.  So, what to do?  We fight back!  But have we really learned how to do that effectively?  Probably not!  So we end up giving to others what we were given.  We are "*****y," mean, asses (you get the picture).  This reaction isn't acceptable for us any more than it was for those who treated us badly.  We have to learn to communicate our "FEELINGS" to others and do it in an acceptable way.  Recognize what upsets us, figure out why, and respectfully discuss that with those around us.  We are all still responsible for our behaviors, regardless of the stimuli that is triggering us.  Now that we have better self esteem, don't lose it by behaving in a way we are not proud of. 

I tried to write this so as not to offend anyone.  If you have always had good self esteem and think that I am generalizing too much then don't pay any attention to this post (except the part where we treat others respectfully).  Sorry if I rambled, I blame my job! Lol!

Swede

Beautifully said!

I think all you *****es should stop acting like *****es

Like button here!! I agree but stop antagonizing the *****es..Just sayin'

Maura,
I just wanted to say that I agree with what Karen said. It's more hormonal and anything else you are still not a year out. I do agree though that we do need to be careful about how we treat people and consider their feeling and respect is mutual you get what you give. Mark is a good guy and I know you know that so try to apologize if you rip his head off. LOL and then tell him that you don't mean it but it's something that just happens. Be kind to yourself and ask Mark to bear with you while you are going thru this "*****iness" phase.