I know I am being a whimp but...

I am so frustrated....it seems like the universe is trying to screw with me. I started a " meal plan" was doing well and then found out my mom has wet Macular Degeneration and is going to go blind. Fall apart gain 6 lbs back. Get myself back together. start again today, to find out that my PAP that i love so much has kidney cancer and there is very little they can do for him. I just wanna go eat!!  I know I am a therapist and I am supposed to have this stuff figured out...but I just dont know how to cope without stuffing my face? !!!  IS THIS REAL ENOUGH FOR YOU?

oh Nic... I will write more later (and privately) as I'm literally running out the door... but HUGS to you.  I know where you're walking and am walking that road with you.  Eating in response (while TOTALLY understandable) isn't going to make you feel anything more than more miserable and out of control.  Try something to get the anger out - kickboxing, punching something, something aggressive... it might help!

And my mom has had wet MC for years, so we can talk.  She can still see an amazing amount, just not in the center of her vision... hasn't kept her from continuing to be a thriving PITA!  (But I digress...)  There are resources and things they can do to retard it...we'll talk.... soon...

Love
Karen

Thanks Karen. I look forward to the talk. I always find I learn alot from your insights.

*giant hugs* You aren't being a whimp you are being human! Therapist or not you are still unavoidably human!
I know exactly how you feel, I'm not proud of it but the first thing that I did when I left the Dr today was drive thru wendy's and get a burger and fries. And you guessed it ate the whole damn thing. Did I feel better, nope, felt worse because now I had prissy pouch too. I also drove through and got an iced coffee at starbucks, I should have stopped there. We all have this horrible mindset that food makes us feel better, that's how we gained the weight in the first place.

If you need anything I'm here!

Love you!

Liz

thanks for admitting that liz. It is so hard to change the behaviors regardless of the surgery, I guess we have both found out that what we are seeking is not in a drive through. Love ya and hope that tomorrow is better and that you will only need the ice coffee and not the burger to get through the day. Hey baby steps!

It's very real Nic and it's happening all around us. And it will always be. I talk to my Mom every week. We're from your beloved North Carolina, our beloved North Carolina. My Mom is 72 and she hasn't been eating and when she does the food passes through her too quickly. And her weight is dropping because of it. After talking to her PCP about it, he believes it's because of her family losses. We've lost my maternal grandmother, my father, my youngest brother, my uncle (my Mom's only sibling) as well as other close family and friends in the last 4 years. She is coping with meds but they just dull her senses. Talking with her the way I do seems to work better, well that what she tells me. I can rationalize the losses because we know we will lose people because of the years but that doesn't relieve the pain of loss... or the pain of helplessness because of illness. These are the times to be with them and comfort them and yes be as strong as you can for them. Your eating trigger is not easy to turn off but just maybe your love trigger for you mom and PAP will have you focus on them and being there for them. That's what's important right now. It's a grand opportunity, in time,  to recollect the good ole stories, the good ole times. The experiences from the past that give them that special place in your heart for now and always. And although the road ahead may be tough for them, there are still more chances for more special experiences. They are here and your love for them is strong. Stronger even than your addictions or coping by eating, which is not really coping, but you know that already. Try to fill your void with them instead of the food. You'll feel so much better.

Thinking about you Carolina girl,

Dennis 

Dennis very true words. I am sorry you are going through similar things. it is very hard to know our loved ones are suffering and we are so far away. Thank you and I love ya.

Do you think that you could focus your efforts in supporting your Mom?  Does she have fears that she needs to express?  

Can you spend some time with your PAP, not focusing on the cancer, but on all the ways he has made a difference in your life?

Sometimes journaling your feelings can be helpful.  Sharing your feelings here, on this web-site, is one way to express yourself. There are a lot of Tomorrows ahead of you.  What do you see in your future?

That I think is what has scared me. I am the rock of the family, They already lean on me so heavily the thought of being responsible for my mom and supporting her even more with the blindness overwhelms me.  I do support her, and I know she is scared. I just feel over leaned on by all of them already I guess. My sisters and I are going to take her a New England Cruise next year just us, because that is some place she has always wanted to see.

My pap is amazing, i wrote him a poem last year telling him how great he is and reflecting on the ways he changed my life. I think it is time to go visit again and just hang out and listen to the same stories over and over but with greater appreciation this time.

As a therapist and one who works mostly with post op patients it is very hard to strike a balance. I try very hard, but there are times I feel like I am the worlds biggest hypocrit and that I should not be doing this. But I do know that I have helped others. The hardest part about this is that, THIS used to be where I got most of my support. But I have found I need to hold back, not divulge as much and keep things tame alot of the time, because I do have patients who lurk here, or are members, and I dont know how to manage that line. This is not something I have not discussed with them, but it still makes it hard. Wow ok more than you asked to know huh? 

I do know that there are many tommorrows they seem scarier these days. But we will get through them. I have seen so many of you get through so much worse and be alright

You said:  "As a therapist and one who works mostly with post op patients it is very hard to strike a balance. I try very hard, but there are times I feel like I am the worlds biggest hypocrit and that I should not be doing this."


I think that is what would make a good therapist is one that is honest and true.  Lots of folks can regurgitate what they learned from a textbook, but a good therapist is one with faults and is a work in progress.  I don't post a lot, but I've read a lot of your posts.  You seem like a really amazing woman to me.  I'd be happy to have you for a therapist.