What's Your Favorite Emotional Flavor?
*********************************************************
Feature Article
What's Your Favorite Emotional Flavor?
by Katie Jay, MSW, Certified Wellness Coach
Director, National Association for
Weight Loss Surgery
www.nawls.com (This is the fourth article in my series on
psychological considerations after WLS) My husband Mike and I were emotionally overwhelmed
last Friday evening. We were tired and dealing with
a family situation that was quite stressful. It's no wonder I chose to make my mother's chicken
ala king recipe for dinner. When I was a child, this
meal was one of my mother's favorites during times
of stress. Most people have foods they turn to in times of stress. We don't just turn to certain foods, however. Most of us also turn to certain familiar emotions. I was raised by a mother who had been victimized
both as a child and as an adult. She had some
common victim emotions: guilt, shame, self-loathing,
hopelessness, loss of control, resignation -- and
self absorption. I mention the self absorption because that kept
my mother from helping me when I was victimized as
a child. Instead, she drifted into her own world of
pain, while I was left to cope using the emotions
she modeled. I was a good student. In my present life, the old, familiar patterns of
eating certain foods and feeling certain feelings,
are easily accessible to me. From a neurological
standpoint, the old patterns of feeling are automatic
-- my emotions follow a well-worn path in my brain. Even though I don't want to feel shame, self-loathing,
hopelessness, loss of control, resignation, and self
absorption, I am drawn to them as much as I am drawn
to chicken ala king, or chocolate. And for years I have
gone down my well-worn emotional paths without thinking. Suddenly, I find myself in my bedroom closet digging
around in my t-shirt drawer for the dark chocolate I
have hidden there. As I am focusing on the chocolate,
I begin to distract myself from the present, painful
moment. And then, when I bite into that dark addictive
substance, I get a rush of chemicals in my brain
and experience some relief from my horrible feelings. A vicious cycle is entrenched in both my mind and my
body. I feel stressed; I experience those familiar,
automatic emotions; I soothe them with familiar mood-
altering foods; and I feel calm until the "high" wears
off. Then the stress returns and the cycle begins again. This is stating the obvious, but if I'm not paying
attention in the present moment to what is going
on emotionally and physically for me, then I am not
available to break the cycle or pattern. When I am not aware in the moment, when I
don't think about what's going on, when I don't identify my feelings, I eat without thinking. When we are oblivious to the cycle, when we ignore
it or deny it, we stay in that familiar pattern --
feeling certain negative feelings, eating certain
foods, and in many cases, putting on weight (because,
if you're like me, your physiology happens to make
you vulnerable to weight gain). Sometimes, when certain emotional-comfort foods
are taken out of the equation, people substitute
other things to soothe themselves: alcohol, shopping,
sex, gambling, working long hours, focusing on fixing
other people (to relieve our own emotional discomfort),
and exercise, to name a few. This substitute behavior
is sometimes called transfer addiction. We are drawn to these activities and substances
because we are hard-wired and because we are not
present in the moment to make choices. While I still have those well-worn paths in my
brain, and I still am prone to gain weight, and I
still am drawn to certain foods, I am practicing
being present in my life. I check in with my emotions as often as I remember
to before I eat. I am not perfect about it, but I
am getting better and better at it. When I have a self-defeating emotion, I acknowledge
it. I even talk to it. I might say, "Hello, shame.
I know you live in me, and that's okay, but today
I'm not going to let you dictate my food choices." Or, "Hello, guilt. Come on in and have a seat. Let
*deserving* show you how to make choices!" I have begun the process of building a new cycle
in my mind and in my life. I am using the tool of
mindfulness to do this. My new cycle goes like this: stress happens; I
have an automatic, negative emotion; I am present
in the moment, so I acknowledge that emotion; I summon
a new, healthy, helpful emotion and ask it to show me
the best way to proceed -- so I can be my best possible
self; then, if I'm truly hungry, I make a food choice
(often, but not always, a healthy one). I am doing this day after day, week after week,
because I know being present in the moment -- being
aware of my negative emotions and summoning new ones
-- is the only way I can create a new pattern. Over time, new patterns become entrenched, too. I
still have the capacity to go in the negative direction
-- for now, it is even more deeply entrenched -- but
over time I see healing and growth in myself. I can
recover from an onslaught of shame and self-loathing
much more quickly. Do you have a taste for certain self-defeating
emotions? Maybe it's time to add some new emotions
to your palette. Like certain foods, it will take
you awhile to develop a taste for the new emotional
patterns, but don't give up. My motto is, "Don't give up. Show up!" Be present
in your life so you can build new, healthier
emotional patterns and be your best, most
satisfied self. *********************************************************
Want to Reprint this Newsletter?
If you'd like to reprint any part of this newsletter,
do so with the following credit, including the copyright
line:
From Small Bites, the email newsletter for the
National Association for Weight Loss Surgery.
Subscribe today and get your F'REE report,
How to Regain-proof Your Weight Loss
Surgery at www.NAWLS.com.
(c) 2010 National Association for Weight Loss Surgery,
Inc. All rights reserved.
National Association for Weight Loss Surgery, 609A Piner Road, #319, Wilmington, NC 28409
by Katie Jay, MSW, Certified Wellness Coach
Director, National Association for
Weight Loss Surgery
www.nawls.com (This is the fourth article in my series on
psychological considerations after WLS) My husband Mike and I were emotionally overwhelmed
last Friday evening. We were tired and dealing with
a family situation that was quite stressful. It's no wonder I chose to make my mother's chicken
ala king recipe for dinner. When I was a child, this
meal was one of my mother's favorites during times
of stress. Most people have foods they turn to in times of stress. We don't just turn to certain foods, however. Most of us also turn to certain familiar emotions. I was raised by a mother who had been victimized
both as a child and as an adult. She had some
common victim emotions: guilt, shame, self-loathing,
hopelessness, loss of control, resignation -- and
self absorption. I mention the self absorption because that kept
my mother from helping me when I was victimized as
a child. Instead, she drifted into her own world of
pain, while I was left to cope using the emotions
she modeled. I was a good student. In my present life, the old, familiar patterns of
eating certain foods and feeling certain feelings,
are easily accessible to me. From a neurological
standpoint, the old patterns of feeling are automatic
-- my emotions follow a well-worn path in my brain. Even though I don't want to feel shame, self-loathing,
hopelessness, loss of control, resignation, and self
absorption, I am drawn to them as much as I am drawn
to chicken ala king, or chocolate. And for years I have
gone down my well-worn emotional paths without thinking. Suddenly, I find myself in my bedroom closet digging
around in my t-shirt drawer for the dark chocolate I
have hidden there. As I am focusing on the chocolate,
I begin to distract myself from the present, painful
moment. And then, when I bite into that dark addictive
substance, I get a rush of chemicals in my brain
and experience some relief from my horrible feelings. A vicious cycle is entrenched in both my mind and my
body. I feel stressed; I experience those familiar,
automatic emotions; I soothe them with familiar mood-
altering foods; and I feel calm until the "high" wears
off. Then the stress returns and the cycle begins again. This is stating the obvious, but if I'm not paying
attention in the present moment to what is going
on emotionally and physically for me, then I am not
available to break the cycle or pattern. When I am not aware in the moment, when I
don't think about what's going on, when I don't identify my feelings, I eat without thinking. When we are oblivious to the cycle, when we ignore
it or deny it, we stay in that familiar pattern --
feeling certain negative feelings, eating certain
foods, and in many cases, putting on weight (because,
if you're like me, your physiology happens to make
you vulnerable to weight gain). Sometimes, when certain emotional-comfort foods
are taken out of the equation, people substitute
other things to soothe themselves: alcohol, shopping,
sex, gambling, working long hours, focusing on fixing
other people (to relieve our own emotional discomfort),
and exercise, to name a few. This substitute behavior
is sometimes called transfer addiction. We are drawn to these activities and substances
because we are hard-wired and because we are not
present in the moment to make choices. While I still have those well-worn paths in my
brain, and I still am prone to gain weight, and I
still am drawn to certain foods, I am practicing
being present in my life. I check in with my emotions as often as I remember
to before I eat. I am not perfect about it, but I
am getting better and better at it. When I have a self-defeating emotion, I acknowledge
it. I even talk to it. I might say, "Hello, shame.
I know you live in me, and that's okay, but today
I'm not going to let you dictate my food choices." Or, "Hello, guilt. Come on in and have a seat. Let
*deserving* show you how to make choices!" I have begun the process of building a new cycle
in my mind and in my life. I am using the tool of
mindfulness to do this. My new cycle goes like this: stress happens; I
have an automatic, negative emotion; I am present
in the moment, so I acknowledge that emotion; I summon
a new, healthy, helpful emotion and ask it to show me
the best way to proceed -- so I can be my best possible
self; then, if I'm truly hungry, I make a food choice
(often, but not always, a healthy one). I am doing this day after day, week after week,
because I know being present in the moment -- being
aware of my negative emotions and summoning new ones
-- is the only way I can create a new pattern. Over time, new patterns become entrenched, too. I
still have the capacity to go in the negative direction
-- for now, it is even more deeply entrenched -- but
over time I see healing and growth in myself. I can
recover from an onslaught of shame and self-loathing
much more quickly. Do you have a taste for certain self-defeating
emotions? Maybe it's time to add some new emotions
to your palette. Like certain foods, it will take
you awhile to develop a taste for the new emotional
patterns, but don't give up. My motto is, "Don't give up. Show up!" Be present
in your life so you can build new, healthier
emotional patterns and be your best, most
satisfied self. *********************************************************
Want to Reprint this Newsletter?
If you'd like to reprint any part of this newsletter,
do so with the following credit, including the copyright
line:
From Small Bites, the email newsletter for the
National Association for Weight Loss Surgery.
Subscribe today and get your F'REE report,
How to Regain-proof Your Weight Loss
Surgery at www.NAWLS.com.
(c) 2010 National Association for Weight Loss Surgery,
Inc. All rights reserved.
National Association for Weight Loss Surgery, 609A Piner Road, #319, Wilmington, NC 28409
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Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
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