Exposing myself as human

This isn't easy for me to do, but I feel it is necessary. I have been really struggling lately. I have been fallen back into the old habit of being all things to all people except for me. I am back to taking care of everyone else but me. I have become aware of this fact over the last week or so, and it really smacked me in the face yesterday when I ate something that I should not have. 

What I ate isn't important but the fact that I used the horrendous day that I was having to justify eating it, made me feel like crap. Thankfully, in the end, it didn't make me sick, although I wi**** had just so it would drive home the point. 

I have had a lot on my plate lately with some health issues that just won't seem to go away. Some mental health issues that will never go away, no matter how smart I think I am. My daughter's mental health and physical health, and a son who is turning 18 this week and thinks he owns the world. Oh and did I mention that we are leaving for vacation Friday and I haven't even started packing anything for our week of camping 

I went back to basics this morning with a food and liquid journal. I took my mental health meds. I am waiting for my son to get home from work so he can help me move some stuff so I don't kill my back anymore than it already is. And tonight, for me, I am going to Hollywood casino to play some slots and check out the new table games. (NO...it isn't a transfer addiction.....lol). 

I appreciate all of you here, and even though I don't post a lot, I am always lurking. Thanks for taking the time to read. I just needed to put this out here to make myself a little more accountable.  

Life is hard, sometimes.  I think it's a good idea that you're asking your son for help. 

And going out for an evening can be a good "Mental Health Day".  Just don't gamble the mortgage payment LOL!!

Hang in there.

 

John, 

Good for you for coming here to be accountable.  Going back to logging is one of the best things you can do to keep on track.  Make sure you take your meds, but also the vitamins you need.  Vitamin's are really important with our surgeries and can effect you mentally and physically if you are not diligent.

Take care,

Lisa Mc 

Hey John - you are absolutely right - you are human - as are the rest of us!  We are addicts - and we need to remind ourselves that the surgery was on our stomache - sadly NOT our brain - BTW - sign me up for that labotomy when it comes around.  

My son is only 15, so I am not there yet with the older child - but  I do have a 12 year old daughter with Bi-Polar disorder - and she is starting puberty....SHOOT ME NOW!  We have always turned to food in times of stress and those habits are EXTREMELY hard to break.  What is amazing - is that now we recognize it so much quicker and fix it before it gets us back into serious trouble.  Taking the time to reflect on what it was that set us off is a HUGE step and one that you have obviously learned from!  Look at the positive.  In your old life - you would not have even thought twice about what you put in your mouth - and here you are - confessing to what makes you uncomfortable with yourself!  If that is not a BIG STEP - then I don't know what is!

Congrats on moving forward!  Give yourself a pat on the back - you can reach now afterall - and get back on the right track!  You rock!

Hi John,
Welcome to my world in a big way.  Food is so easy to turn to, and abuse, because we must keep some in our homes to survive.

I have the physical issues, with chronic pain and other stuff, as well as the mental health issues, with bipolar disorder and alcoholism.  Life is a daily struggle to balance my emotions and reactions so I do not abuse meds, drink alcohol, or eat sugar.  I live alone, so alcohol is not available.  I can abuse left over chicken if the urge hit me.

Feel free to come here anytime to vent, dump your issues, and get support.  We can't offer it, if we don't know you need it.

Oh, the 18 year old is totally normal.  Eventually, they turn into humble, hard working adults who make you proud.  At least my three kids did. 

Hugs,
Trish

Hey John,

Getting back to basics is a huge first step.  You can lie to yourself and make excuses - and that's where the trouble begins.  But, when you are able to admit to yourself AND speak it "out loud" (and yes, putting it here counts) makes it real and does not allow you to lie about it any more.

Hang in there - one step at a time.

P

Hang in there John.  Sending hugs your way.  Hope to see you Thursday night at group.  I also leave Friday for a week long camping vacation and it sounds like we can both use it!

Dawn

 Hi Dawn,
Your looking fabulous. Where are you going camping at? We are renting a cabin at Pinchot State Park.

I am planning on being at the meeting on Thursday.

John,

I too am one that allows everyone and everything in my life to take priority over taking care of and focusing on myself, a common theme amongst us.  Recognizing it is the first step, changing the way we respond to stress is the hardest part, one day at a time.  You deserve to spend time and focus on yourself.  It does not make you selfish!

Hugs,

Maura

John,

YOu know.... WE ARE ALL HUMAN!!!    And, yes, I wish certain foods would make me  'sick but they don't.....

Regardless of what life sends our way... we still need to take care of ourselves.  I'm having these very same struggles.

Accountability is good......

Jayne