Need to vent...the trip for Hell.

I really had a horrific trip to a cabin with Mom and her boyfriend.  I am really kicking myself that I did not leave on Sunday, when I learned that boyfriend's son, who is addicted to morphine and drinks a lot, would be arriving a day before Mom had said he would.  Mom yelled at me when I asked her about him.  I can't be around that stuff this early in my sobriety.  Then, I ended up moving into a hotel because the beds at the cabin caused my already sore back to get worse.  Mom and I just do not get along under the best cir****tance right now.  I then was going to leave Monday, but sister talked me into staying and she would join me at the hotel.  On the way home I lost my wallet at a rest stop, but called and they said someone turned it in.  Picking up Utley the bill was much higher than I anticipated, and then when I went to pay with a check, the computer would not honor it.  ARGH!

I am too sore to sleep, and I already took the meds, so I am up ranting. 

Like Dorothy said, "There's no place like home."

Why would you do that to yourself? Why would you even go on the trip? Your mom is toxic with a capital T and she does not put you first so you have to. Please dont beat yourself up but learn a lesson from it. mom is not going to change so you will have to.  you may have to decide her or you

I know what you are saying, and I really was not sure what to expect.  Ever since my brothers died, I have tried to be more open to her, but get burned every time.  Old tapes, guilt, yada yada, all are in this mess of my distorted thinking.  

Trish,

I think Nicole hit the nail deadon, but I'll give you another cliche, you can't keep going to the same dry well expecting to find water, your Mom, from your description is a dry well and while she is entitled to invite or be around who she would chose, you have a right to chose as well, lastly there is always the Serenity Prayer. . .  the courage ot change the things I can. . .  put down the bat, next time remember this experience and it will help you make a better decision for yourself. . .

Sending you gentle hugs, Laureen

Thanks Laureen.  I totally get that they can invite whomever they choose.  I was just misinformed as to the son's arrival date, and then stupidly attemted to stay in spite of the change.  BIG mistake.

Thanks,
Trish

Big hugs, Trish - like they say, you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but not your family!! And there is nothing like a family guilt trip to get you going...I hope your back is better soon and life smooths out - remember, come to us - we're here for you. Kathy

I think it was wrong for your Mom to subject you to boyfriend's son and also you are really gonna hate this but if I knew he was going to be there and felt the way you do I would have passed on going.  Obviously Mom has no respect for your sobriety and I would question her respect for you because I would feel boyfriend was more important and let her know.  Your sister on the other hand sounds so supportive so lucky you.  Sounds like the weekend from hell you'll know not to do that again.  I'm sorry it was bad.  Glad you found the wallet and to know there are some decent people left in the world. And "Mom yelled" if it were my Mom I'd have been out of there quick, fast and in a hurry after asking her who she "thought" she was yelling at! Note not a question mark at the end of that sentence? As Dorothy said "Toto I don't think we're in Kansas anymore follow the yellow brick road away from Mom.

First of all Trish - (((((hugs)))))) for you.

God I can really relate to the toxicity of you and your mom's relationship.  For me it is my dad and brother.  I spent a lot of years in therapy trying to come to terms with dad & I.  I have finally had to accept that dad is dad, he is not going to change.  I on the other hand can choose to love him from a distance.  I chose the same with my brother because the atmosphere they both try to surround me with is so toxic for me, I have to distance myself. 

Finding your level ground with this type of situation is tough, it's taken me many, many years, a lot of therapy, and the support of Gene to get me to where I am today with this toxic situation from my past. 

I pray that you will find that level ground that works for you.

Big HUGS,
Ida

Ida,
I totally appreciate your empathy, as I have struggled with mom for most of my life.  She is bipolar and sent me away as a teenager, because she thought I was out of control.  It was her that was out of control.  She still denies that there was anything wrong with it.

I also understand that Mom is extra vigilant now that both my brothers have passed.  All she has left is my sister and me.  That makes it so much harder to try to set my boundaries and keep my distance.  Mom is a travel agent when it comes to sending us on guilt trips.

Hugs,
Trish